That Call Before 7am

[NirvanaMan]

http://lh6.ggpht.com/_snasrjcKrOQ/S8O-2tQMq6I/AAAAAAAADUA/vmZ_67a8EjU/s128/peter%20haskell.jpg


Audra (EH) received a phone call while we were still asleep in bed this morning. The next few moments were filled with crushing heart break as we learned that her beloved dad suddenly died this morning.

I've had the distinct pleasure of knowing Peter Haskell these past few years. I nervously met him first when her family invited this stranded east coast boy to a family thanksgiving dinner (Brad too was invited and in attendance). This was only about a month into dating Aud. From day one, he was warm and welcoming. He was one of those fellas that charms the room with his stories and welcomes the newcomer as long lost family.

Over the years I got to know him better and often engaged in light-hearted but earnest and intelligent discussions about life, the universe and everything (but mostly politics). He came to refer to me as Aud's little fascist, which I took as a term of endearment.

After I got my Porsche, I don't think anyone was more excited than he. I gave him a spirited ride as he told stories of his past exciting experiences of times in sexy sports cars. I will always remember that brief ride and hope he enjoyed it a fraction as much as I.

He treated me like family (but in a good way) and for that I am ever thankful. It would be dishonest for me to say that I didn't need or wish for a few more years with the man, but I can acknowledge that I am indeed fortunate for the time and experiences I had.

To a fellow atheist, a profound student of history and a lover of life, I toast my glass to you good sir. I vow to take the best care of our broken-hearted girl that I can. You leave a wake of love, laughter and insight that is impossible to fill but inspirational to follow.

[Betty]

Oh my goodness. So very sad. My thoughts are with you...

...I just can't even begin to imagine the heartache.

[Gemini Cricket]

Sad to hear this. He was such a great guy. My condolences to Audra and her family. Huge hugs to her mom.

[Ghoulish Delight]

As I've expressed to EH, the only testament necessary to know that the world lost a good one was the respect and love both she and NM have always spoke of him with. I'm so sorry for you and the family.

[scaeagles]

That's awful. I'm so sorry.

[Bornieo: Fully Loaded]

He was a wonderful man. My thoughts with Audra and Family. Very sad.

[alphabassettgrrl]

**hugs** I'm sorry.

[flippyshark]

My condolences. You've paid him lovely tribute here.

[Stan4dSteph]

Thank you for sharing that. Condolences on your loss.

[Prudence]

I'm so sorry. You both are in my thoughts.

[innerSpaceman]

I'm sorry to have never had the pleasure, but I've always heard of him spoken of in strictly glowing terms. Thanks for the tribute. My heart is with you both.

[Not Afraid]

I got a call from Aud this morning about 8. I was pouring coffee and didn't get to the phone in time. I figured that she had butt dialed me because no one calls me that early unless it is urgent. I suspected the worst and called back immediately.

Aud had the most amazing relationship with her Dad. They would meet for breakfast dates before work fairly regularly. He was, beyond being her beloved father, he was a cherished friend. I was in awe of their relationship, greatly admired it and was secretly jealous of it.

I only had the pleasure of meeting him once but the memories of his stories and his warmth have never left me. I have feared this day for Audra, her brother and her Mom. A giant hole has opened up in the world today, but the hole is so giant because he was such an amazing presence while on this earth.

Rest in peace, dear man. You loss will be felt by many.

[bewitched]

I'm so sorry. You both are in my thoughts.

[madmonkeygirl]

So sorry to hear of your loss. Please pass this on to Audra for me. I just recently lost my brother unexpectedly so i know what she is going thru.

[katiesue]

Wonderful tributes. I wish we could have met. Keeping you all in my thoughts.

[cirquelover]

I'm so sorry for your loss of a beloved man.

[€uroMeinke]

The world lost a good one this morning - and I regret missing the opportunity to finally deliver his piece of pie.

My thoughts go out to you NM & EH, and I'll raise a glass myself to celebrate his life, and offer what comfort I can to his survivors.

[Kevy Baby]

I had the good fortune to spend a couple of hours conversing with this charming man many years ago at a party that EH and LSPE threw. I clearly remember it as one of the most interesting conversations of my life. Peter was an interesting yet humble man and I regret not talking with him more besides the one meeting.

I also knew of him through EH and others. He was a warm, loving man and will be missed. He has left his mark indelibly on this mortal earth and I am glad to have been a part of his life, however briefly it may have been.

[Morrigoon]

What a lovely tribute. Hugs to EH.

[Chernabog]

Oh jesus I am so sorry to hear this news.... my deepest condolences to Audra, I can't imagine how tough things must be. Hugs from Joe and BJ.... we love you honey!!!

[Deebs]

I'm so very sorry.

[BarTopDancer]

I had the good fortune to spend a couple of hours conversing with this charming man many years ago at a party that EH and LSPE threw. I clearly remember it as one of the most interesting conversations of my life. Peter was an interesting yet humble man and I regret not talking with him more besides the one meeting.

I also knew of him through EH and others. He was a warm, loving man and will be missed. He has left his mark indelibly on this mortal earth and I am glad to have been a part of his life, however briefly it may have been.

This.

[keith - SuPeR K!]

Omar and I send our most heartfelt condolences. <3

[Strangler Lewis]

That is very sad. My sympathies to everyone touched by this loss.

[Nephythys]

Our condolences-

[Snowflake]

So sad. Condolences to NM, EH1812 and family on this sad and unexpected loss. Sounds like a truly wonderful man. A shadow is gone from earth and the stars just got a little brighter. :(

[Cadaverous Pallor]

Beautiful post, NM. I'm so sad for Audra and everyone else who knew him. The closeness she had with him was a rare thing.

[Motorboat Cruiser]

Very sorry to hear this news. Our condolences to your entire family.

[LSPoorEeyorick]

That was a beautiful tribute, NM. Thank you for being there for EH and her whole family. No one ever wants to have this happen but you're handling it with love and grace and I am grateful for you.

I had the pleasure of knowing Peter, while living upstairs from EH, and then sharing an apartment with her, and working together. He was a truly unique man, so vibrant, so full of energy and light and life. He was a font of knowledge, he was an extremely quick wit, and he had so much love within him - for his family, for his friends, for everyone that he met - it just flowed out of him.

I treasure the time I spent with him - I, too, was invited to warm holiday gatherings where you felt like family instead of a guest. There was always so much laughter around their table, and it was a great tribute today that there was still laughter around that table, in his memory.

I am kicking, kicking, kicking myself for never having the courage to intern at his theater company when the opportunity was there to learn from someone so gifted. But I learned so much from him otherwise.

EH, he isn't fully gone from this plane, because I see a lot of him within you. The spirit, the wit, the love - it's all there inside of you and I celebrate that today.

[JWBear]

My condolences.

[Gn2Dlnd]

Thanks, Eric, for writing such a thoughtful account of yesterday's events. I'm so sorry for both of you.

Reading all these tributes from people who knew your dad, Audra, is truly bittersweet. Your friendship with your dad is one, I think, we'd all like to experience within our own families. Godspeed.

[blueerica]

*hugs*

[NirvanaMan]

:decap:

We are inviting Audra's friends to celebrate the life of Peter Haskell - husband, father, and friend - this Saturday, April 17. There will be an open house from 2pm – 8pm at the Haskell residence. Please come when you want. Though we mourn his passing, we choose to celebrate his life by enjoying each other’s company, sharing stories, food, and drink. Peter enjoyed life to the fullest, and he would rather we have a laugh and experience joy than wallow too much in our sadness. We know he would want a memorial party, not a memorial service.

We hope Audra's friends can join us to share stories, to share a laugh or a cry, or both, and to help keep collective spirits high. Dress is very casual (jeans and t-shirts are more than welcome). Food and beverages will be provided but more are always welcome. PM or email me (NirvanaMan) if you are interested in attending and I can provide you with address information.

:cheers:

[blueerica]

I wish I could go, but alas, I will have to attend in spirit only.

:cheers:

[Cadaverous Pallor]

Damn, we actually have plans. We'll be thinking of you.

[Kevy Baby]

We plan on coming and bringing noise.

[innerSpaceman]

I will be there, on the early side - as I have a prior engagement for the afternoon/evening. But I won't rest till I give Audra a hug and pay my respects, so I'll certainly be there in the early afternoon.

[madmonkeygirl]

Not sure we can swing by we'll see since we do have plans for most of the afternoon but know you are in our thoughts and prayers at this particular time.

[Disneyphile]

Our continued thoughts and prayers are with the both of you and the family.

We already have plans that day, but I'll see if we can change them to at least stop by for a few.

Much love to you both!

[Not Afraid]

We will definitely be there. Wouldn't miss it for the world.

[NirvanaMan]

Thanks all. I know your thoughts and words are helping to keep Aud's spirits as high as they can be and to reduce the lowness of the lows.

To clarify if I wasn't clear, the memorial party this weekend will be the official and only memorial even for Peter. The family has opted not to have a service as Peter was not religious and there will not be a funeral. We are expecting a big crowd of family and friends and all are welcome to laugh, remember, share and embrace/hug/support the family who lost so much this week.

Thank you again,

Erik

[Kevy Baby]

Will there be an open bar?

[Not Afraid]

Kevin: DUH!

[Disneyphile]

We'll be there for a couple hours. We'll also bring a dish to share.

[LSPoorEeyorick]

It's breaking my heart that we won't be able to be there tomorrow. We were unable to change our flight to a family obligation in Indiana, so we have to fly out tonight. But I've been so glad to be able to spend time with the family this week, and I feel so blessed working together with Tom to assemble the memorial video for him. I'm reminded, as we watch all of these glorious movies and tv episodes, what a true talent he was. And I'm also reminded, from all of the photos, how much he loved his family. We will be there tomorrow in spirit - and hopefully the work we've been doing over the last few days will help to honor his memory the best way we can.

[NirvanaMan]

Heidi, you have done so much this week along with Tom that is so very much appreciated. We completely understand that something like a flight cannot be changed (especially with all the rules nowadays) and the support you offered to her this week plus the work on the video was amazing. Than you. For everyone else who is coming today, I thank you. Aud will definitely benefit from the emotional support of her friends. I especially wish to thank those of you that are going out of your way or are making changes to existing plans to show your love and support. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

[€uroMeinke]

Glad I got to pay my respects, and celebrate with everyone. A great loss but a great tribute to see so many people there.

[innerSpaceman]

I'm sorry I had to make a quick getaway before all the memorial remarks were finished. It was an honor to pay my respects, my mission to hug Audra, and my pleasure to meet some cool people.

As Cricket said, quite an eclectic group. Sorry for my inappropriate tweet from the memorial. Yes, EH1812 ... Actors, that would explain it. Oh, and all those refugees from the Body Builders Warehouse.


My regrets that I was unable to stay longer. It was a wonderful and fitting finale.

[Disneyphile]

I could tell yesterday that not only did her dad leave a legacy of great acting, but more importantly, one of great love. The amount of people who were there and what they had to say shows how much this man will live on in the hearts of those he touched. :)

[Cadaverous Pallor]

Really and truly sad that I could not be there.

[Not Afraid]

I was so happy to be there to celebrate the life of a man who was such an amazing father to a dear friend. There were so many people there (and an AMAZING amount of food) it was so obvious he was so loved and respected. It was an honor to be there and to spend time with EH and NM. I know the past week was a tough one and I'm so glad I could give them hugs in person.

[Tref]

Oh my gosh. I am so sorry, Audra.

[Bornieo: Fully Loaded]

I know Mindy's parents made it but it just didn't work out for us having Grandmothers to deal with. Nevertheless, you were not far from our thoughts.

[wendybeth]

I was horrified to see this tonight- I've been out of town and offline for the past week. I know how very much Audra loves her dad, and I am truly heartbroken for her. I'm mostly heartbroken that he won't be here to see you two continue on building an amazing life story together, but I know that he left this world with the knowledge that his girl was with her boy, and was happy. As a parent, that is all I could ever wish for, and I'm so glad you were able to get to know him as well as you did. Now, when Audra speaks of her dad, you'll know how he would have spoken, or what mannerisms he would used, or .....well, you know. You knew him, and that is what it truly important. I don't know why, but it is. My daughter didn't get to know her grandpa- he died when she was nearly two, but she knows him from us, and we tell her everything- how he laughed, what things made him mad, annoying and endearing traits- everything. I suppose it's a small sort of immortality, but it works for us- and hopefullly it will for you two. Hugs to you both, from all of us.

[NirvanaMan]

Thanks again to everyone who attended. Long drives up to the valley from as far away as San Diego (KS rocks something fierce). One of Aud's friends even flew in from NY! That sort of support and love is incredibly moving, warming and comforting. Thank you Kevin for the A/V setup, it wouldn't have been the same without it. And thank you all for the support.

And now, with the party behind us, begins the rest. But man, what a party it was. We are estimating over 250 folks were there throughout the day. Possibly considerably more. The flowers, food and bottles of wine rained from the sky as hugs and laughter sprouted from the ground. It was, epic. I can think of no greater showing of the impact the man had, than the party held in his honor. RIP Peter. I hope you would have considered the final send off to be a right proper one.

[Eliza Hodgkins 1812]

Greetings, Pals of Tomorrow!

Last week was the quickest impossibly long week I've ever had. I woke up yesterday morning feeling like I had just received the news but I also felt like I’d lived a year in seven days. Right now I'm mostly exhausted and relieved to be back at work. My melancholy isn't overwhelming; it's a thread that loops in and out of the fabric of my day. Mostly I am being practical and accepting: Death is the period at the end of a life sentence.

But I experience after shocks and will continue to do so for a while, I imagine. His death was unexpected and sudden and I still have moments of disbelief. Not denial, just…how? How is it he won’t be sending me an IM about getting together for breakfast? How is it that he isn’t sitting at his computer when I walk into their house? How is it that I won’t ever again see alive, up close and personal, that happy, beautiful, masculine face I’ve loved my whole life? I long for those hands, those large and gnarly arthritic hands that could enclose and disappear my own. My brother said they should have donated our father’s hands to science and, agreeing, I think they should have been bronzed and displayed in the Philadelphia Mutter Museum.

Thank goodness for gallows humor. It’s really gotten us through this week and pushes us into the next one, and probably the next one, and so on. We can have a laugh, even now. Phew!

As we sift through his personal effects I am sometimes pierced through the heart by a surprise find:a short story he wrote, a photograph, or a letter he kept that I wrote to him fifteen years ago, etc. I don’t constantly feel his absence yet but when I contemplate it, when it crumples me, I repeat sentences in my head, the usual Wants and Can’t Haves that haunt our mental cemeteries when someone we love has departed.

There are thanks too personal for a message board, some even too personal for emails, cards, and telephone calls. But I do want to post a general and public thanks to our LoT pals who have written here, stopped by, sent cards and letters, phoned, and provided assistance. Everything (and I mean everything) has been a tremendous help. I never really knew what to say or how to behave when someone else went through this. I was worried a call would be an imposition, a letter a sad reminder. I figured hands were too full and anything I could offer would just seem like another ball to juggle. Sometimes I got it right must mostly I think I got it wrong.

Every thought has counted, but I would be remiss without a few special shout outs:

- Death is a huge ****ing inconvenience and I want to thank everyone who altered their plans so they could be with us on Saturday, especially those who traveled from afar (Katie Sue, hug your neck!). In large part because of you, I’ve never felt less lonely in all my life.
- Thank you Heidi and Tom, who set aside much of their vacation prep time to speedily put together a wonderful and lengthy memorial video that combined some of my father’s TV performances with photo/music montages. It was looped all day (so your presence was felt), widely complimented, and we’ve had many requests for copies.
- Thank you to Kevin and Susan, who made it possible to blast my father’s eclectic iPod tunes all day long, and who also made it possible for us to speech and speech loudly.
- Thank you, Lisa, for the symbolic, personal, and beautiful necklace. (You know how much I adore mourning jewelry!)
- Thank you to everyone who brought food and drink.

I suppose this falls under “too personal for a message board”, but I’d be an absolute heel if I didn’t mention Erik. His words here are evidence of the love he had for my father, for my family, and for me, but his actions are Love itself. I am cherished. With regards to me, nothing could make my father happier. So I must also thank those who have given their support to my mister. He’s been constantly vigilant and I know it helps to have our friends be there for him as much as for me. Erik, I love you beyond measure by choice as well as by happy accident. Every day my heart chooses you and will continue to do so forever and ever.

[Eliza Hodgkins 1812]

And for those who are interested, the eulogy I wrote:

People say we should live each day as though it is our last, but my father took this one step further and lived as though he'd never have a last day. Ultimately I think this is awesome, but it would have been nice if he at least pretended he would have a last day, and maybe told us where the will is kept, or the lease papers for the car, or what each of the 300 keys we’ve found are for. It's been postmortem treasure hunt for important documents but instead of clues we find more keys. Sophie said it was like we were in a Pinter play, and that certainly suits my dad.

If I am angry about anything it's that this is, despite his age, a serious case of unfinished business. He had so many ideas and plans, he was still in the middle of so many projects both at the theater and at home, where he was planning a garden. He was the most active participant in this life that I have ever known, and I always looked forward to seeing what he had in the works. Right now I’m not sure where to refocus my anticipation and I find that it’s hard to love someone who has died because it feels so unrequited. A not-so-little piece of me is lost with him forever, but I can live with that. That piece belonged to him. I am so happy and lucky to have been this man’s daughter and friend. We were simpatico.

I will easily remember my father and the thirty-three years we had together. What I already deeply miss is the body that held me as a baby, spun me around as a child, and embraced me as an adult. He did not withhold affection for special occasions. He hugged you because he felt like it, because it was a good and right thing to love and be loved. Because the self-called girly man just couldn’t help himself. He hugged you when he was happy to see you, and he hugged it out with you when he was mad.

What he wanted out of life was simple: he wanted more of it. I wanted that for him, as well. But the way to get through this is to think about all that he did and not what he’s unable to do now. He had an epic and amazing life, and he was the most compassionate, interested, active, enthusiastic, and kind man I’ve ever known. He could also be a tempest in a teacup, a trait I inherited, but that only added a dash of enigma to his charm. And what he loved most in life was also simple: he loved people. He loved you, he really, really did. I am so grateful that he spent the last two and a half years also getting to know Erik, the man I’ve chosen to share the rest of my life with.

A friend and colleague summarized him well, “He fell off a roof. He made a great dog. He was my mentor, hero and friend.” I’ll add to that, “He saw the Red Sox win the World Series.” And, thanks to my mother, they finally made it to the Baseball Hall of Fame for the first time.

I thank him today for all the breakfasts we’ve shared these past few years, with all the philosophical discussions, our talks about art, the one-sided political debates I tried to avoid, the fights over nothing, the fights over something, and the endless respect and love we had for each other that they included.

I’ll close with a quote from the evolutionary biologist, Richard Dawkins:
We are going to die, and that makes us the lucky ones. Most people are never going to die because they are never going to be born. The potential people who could have been here in my place but who will in fact never see the light of day outnumber the sand grains of Arabia. Certainly those unborn ghosts include greater poets than Keats, scientists greater than Newton. We know this because the set of possible people allowed by our DNA so massively exceeds the set of actual people. In the teeth of these stupefying odds it is you and I, in our ordinariness, that are here. – Richard Dawkins

[Snowflake]

EH1812, that was and is beautiful. Your eulogy, your thank you to your friends, your love for your Dad. I'm weeping, just beautiful. {HUGS}

[katiesue]

That was beautiful Audra.

[Ghoulish Delight]

That was beautiful. I also suffer from the same reticence to say anything in these situations for fear of whatever I come up with being hollow and inadequate. I dearly wish I could have been there to have tried.

[BarTopDancer]

That was a beautiful eulogy.

The FUNeral was a lovely send off to a man who obviously left behind an amazing legacy in his family. Thank you for allowing us to celebrate your dad's life with you and your family.

[Morrigoon]

I never met your dad, but I feel like I got a glimpse of him through that really cool eulogy.

[Stan4dSteph]

Thanks for sharing that. What an awesome tribute.

[innerSpaceman]

I've been through it all too recently, and I'm STILL uncomfortable as to what to say, what to do or how to behave, and thus I often do too little of any.

I'm so glad I got to hear Audra's lovely remarks and see a little of the memorial loop and meet some cool people even briefly. I came away with such a strong sense of the love surrounding Peter, and that was wonderful.

[Cadaverous Pallor]

Thank you for sharing your wonderful eulogy. I hope you'll post the memorial video as well. Your dad and your relationship with him are worth celebrating. :cheers: