Eliza Hodgkins 1812
01-12-2005, 12:13 AM
I'm not much of a fan, to be honest, but I hear you're actually really nice to waitresses. Friendly. Big tipper. Plus, don't you ride a motorcycle? Hey, man, that's cool. Even cooler if it's a chopper!
The reason why I'm writing is because, in about 35 minutes, my new Scottish boyfriend (who I've had a crush on since 2000, but we didn't become official until a few weeks ago) is on your show tonight, and it really means a lot to me that you're giving us this opportunity to share our love via TV waves.
My only concern is that you seem to have scheduled Scarlett Johannson to appear the same evening, and reports from the east coast are already coming in that she was laughing at everything he said, which can only be a tell tale sign that she's totally trying to steal my new boyfriend away from me.
You see, Ms Johannson is quite the lovely lady. Maybe one of the prettiest actresses around, and though some of her interviews imply there may not be alot going on inside that pretty head of hers, she's got a real instinct and ability when it comes to her acting. And she's quite the head turner, wouldn't you say?
And if you say it, and I say it, well certainly Gerard (pronounced JER-ud?!?!?...apparently) Butler, my new Scottish boyfriend, will also say it. And if his head is turned towards her it must certainly follow that his head will no longer be turning in my direction. Or rather, in the direction of the camera, as if he's looking at me.
Please, Ms Johannson, in the immortal words of Dolly Parton, please, please, please don't take my man.
Anyway, Mr Leno, the next time you have him on your show - perhaps around the time Beowulf and Grendel is released - please accomodate my request to only have him appear alongside those guys who sometimes bring on dangerous animals, or Steve Guttenburg, or even better, my dad. Just not the talented Scarlett "Hotness" Johannson. Or anyone else more beautiful and talented then I am. It hurts to look at people that pretty next to each other, anyway. Which is why I've always been in favor of mismatched couples, such as the God of Scot Gerard Butler and the Princess of Plain Audra Rosemary.
Like Lily Taylor and River Phoenix in Dogfight, one of the best little romance movies of all time!
Help make a true love story, a love story that's not too painful to look at 'cause it's too bright and shiny, come true.
Love,
Eliza Hodgkins 1812.
The reason why I'm writing is because, in about 35 minutes, my new Scottish boyfriend (who I've had a crush on since 2000, but we didn't become official until a few weeks ago) is on your show tonight, and it really means a lot to me that you're giving us this opportunity to share our love via TV waves.
My only concern is that you seem to have scheduled Scarlett Johannson to appear the same evening, and reports from the east coast are already coming in that she was laughing at everything he said, which can only be a tell tale sign that she's totally trying to steal my new boyfriend away from me.
You see, Ms Johannson is quite the lovely lady. Maybe one of the prettiest actresses around, and though some of her interviews imply there may not be alot going on inside that pretty head of hers, she's got a real instinct and ability when it comes to her acting. And she's quite the head turner, wouldn't you say?
And if you say it, and I say it, well certainly Gerard (pronounced JER-ud?!?!?...apparently) Butler, my new Scottish boyfriend, will also say it. And if his head is turned towards her it must certainly follow that his head will no longer be turning in my direction. Or rather, in the direction of the camera, as if he's looking at me.
Please, Ms Johannson, in the immortal words of Dolly Parton, please, please, please don't take my man.
Anyway, Mr Leno, the next time you have him on your show - perhaps around the time Beowulf and Grendel is released - please accomodate my request to only have him appear alongside those guys who sometimes bring on dangerous animals, or Steve Guttenburg, or even better, my dad. Just not the talented Scarlett "Hotness" Johannson. Or anyone else more beautiful and talented then I am. It hurts to look at people that pretty next to each other, anyway. Which is why I've always been in favor of mismatched couples, such as the God of Scot Gerard Butler and the Princess of Plain Audra Rosemary.
Like Lily Taylor and River Phoenix in Dogfight, one of the best little romance movies of all time!
Help make a true love story, a love story that's not too painful to look at 'cause it's too bright and shiny, come true.
Love,
Eliza Hodgkins 1812.