The First Thing You'd Do if You Were President

[Matterhorn Fan]

What would you do first? What would your White House priorities be?

Clique here to see what J-Lo would do. (http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&cid=1516&e=3&u=/afp/20050503/od_afp/afpentertainmentus_050503114201) (Warning: Scary mascara-eyes photo at that link)

[Eliza Hodgkins 1812]

Shoot myself, and save the country - nay, the entire world - a whole lot of trouble.

"Ms President, what shall we do?"

"Uh, uh....uh."

"We need a decision, Ms President, and we need one NOW!"

"Oh my God. Oh my God. I have no idea what to do. Oh my God. Uh."

"The country is counting on you, Ms President."

"Stupid country!"

"Why did you run for office if you were incapable of making these kinds of decisions?"

"These kinds? I can't make ANY kind."

"Jesus."

"I know."

"My God, why have you done this to us?"

"The interns, man. I heard they'd be cute. Huzzah!"

"I was *actually* talking to God. Just shut your mouth Ms President. You, you..you BEEBLEBROX!"

[LSPoorEeyorick]

I'm particulary pleased about why she thinks she and Marc Anthony will never part:

"I think he would father beautiful children."

Mmm, now that's good shallow!

If I were president? Aside from higher taxes and more money going to education especially in urban areas that are especially lacking? And more action taken to save the rapidly dying planet? And legalizing gay marriage? I'd have tea with Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny. I think that this kind of change would be impossible considering that slightly half of the country supported Bush and his puppeteers; now he's singing "I've got no strings" and the sound of crickets is conspicuously absent.

[Eliza Hodgkins 1812]

I'm particulary pleased about why she thinks she and Marc Anthony will never part:

"I think he would father beautiful children."

I think Jen may need to take the bag off of Marc Anthony's head. Silly Jen.

[wendybeth]

Doesn't he have a kid or two? Doesn't she know them?:rolleyes:


Anyone else just the teensiest bit curious as to how the White House might look after a J-Lo re-do?

Nahhhh......

[Motorboat Cruiser]

Hmm, the first thing I would do as President...

Figure out a plan to undo as much of the damage caused by the current administration as I possibly could. I would probably need 5 terms to make a dent though.

[scaeagles]

I'd lower taxes, as historically that actually increases government revenue due to increased economic activity.

I'd get a national education voucher passed to allow poor families with inner city children to go to private schools where they can actually get an education.

I would utilize imminent domain to purchase all property along the US Mexico border (and perhaps along the Canadian border, but I don't know how much of a problem illegal immigration is up north) so that I could build a wall and put up high tech monitoring equipment along with tripling the number of border patrol agents so that I could stop the influx of illegal immigrants.

I'd allow the average US taxpayer to opt out of Social Security, just as members of the House and Senate can do. It would have to be on a gradual basis, of course, to fulfill the commitments to those who have paid in.

I'd get drilling in ANWR pushed through. The fact of the matter is our dependence on foreign oil is only increasing and we must utilize what we know we have, as there is no other source of viable energy to replace it.

I'd build nuclear power plants. It's ridiculous that we haven't built any since the 70s.

That's about all I can think of off the top of my head. I'm sure if I thought about it I'd be able to think of more.

[€uroMeinke]

What would you do first? What would your White House priorities be?


You mean after the blow job?

[LSPoorEeyorick]

The fact of the matter is our dependence on foreign oil is only increasing and we must utilize what we know we have, as there is no other source of viable energy to replace it.

You speak as though there is no way of decreasing our dependence. This is not so. I get 33 mi/gallon in my little car. When the Metro orange line is put into place by September, I will hardly be using my car at all.

And you state outright that there is no other option for fuel. But what about hybrids? Wind power? Vegetable oil? Mr. Fusion? Why won't they increase funding for such research? The technology exists. Somebody up the ladder is squashing it, and it seems to me like it'd be somebody with their fortune tied up in oil. Hmm. Who do I know who has his fortune tied up in oil?

Meanwhile, scientists have come out and bloody well said that this planet won't be long for this world. It simply cannot support life at this rate for years to come. Our children, and our children's children, are going to suffer. And it will all be our fault.

[Prudence]

You do mean when, right? Not if?

Now I have to think -- not sure I want to commit to my platform this early.

Okay, FIRST thing, email all my friends from back when to say "see! told you so!"

[scaeagles]

You speak as though there is no way of decreasing our dependence. This is not so. I get 33 mi/gallon in my little car. When the Metro orange line is put into place by September, I will hardly be using my car at all.

And you state outright that there is no other option for fuel. But what about hybrids? Wind power? Vegetable oil? Mr. Fusion? Why won't they increase funding for such research? The technology exists. Somebody up the ladder is squashing it, and it seems to me like it'd be somebody with their fortune tied up in oil. Hmm. Who do I know who has his fortune tied up in oil?

Meanwhile, scientists have come out and bloody well said that this planet won't be long for this world. It simply cannot support life at this rate for years to come. Our children, and our children's children, are going to suffer. And it will all be our fault.

I hardly drive at all. I have a home office. My wife teaches school less than two miles from our home and our kids go there.

I said there is no other viable option, yes. I am speaking of at present. Hybrids still burn gas, though less of it. Without gas, they don't work.

In a capitalistic society, when the technology exists it will be exploited for profit. As sad as that may be, that is what will drive new sources of energy moving to prominence. Why aren't there more wind farms? I would suspect, though I have not researched it, that there isn't enough profit in it. When there is enough profit in it, it will be done. It has nothing to do with the person you are implicating suppressing it. I believe that wind power and vegetable oil were around prior to his Presidency and yet somehow were still not developed into something that could replace oil comsumption. There was a propsed wind farm off of Martha's Vineyard. "What!?!?!" cried the elite living there. "I don't want MY view spoiled!!!".

Scientists in the 70s were saying we were experiencing global cooling and that we weren't going to be able to grow crops because of it. Now, with global warming, the Kyoto garbage even admits the restrictions proposed will only make a difference of something like on tenth of a degree over the next 50 years. There are also scientists who do not spout doom and gloom regarding the condition of the environment.

There are ways of decreasin our dependence on foreign oil. How about drilling for our own?

[Name]

or we could just build more diesel cars and convert them to run off vegetable oil....

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/7646412/
and
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/7603085/

sure, it uses diesel fuel to warm the engine, but once its up to operating temp, just flip a switch, now your running with a renewable, cleaner burning fuel that doesn't rely on foreign oil.....what a concept.
of course the price of oil would probably drop drastically if these were mass produced and many people started buying them, and that just wouldn't be good for the investors in those oil companies

[scaeagles]

or we could just build more diesel cars and convert them to run off vegetable oil....

There's more to it than that. It's an issue of existing infrastructure as well. Where would someone go to purchase enough vegetable oil to run their car? Can there be enough mass produced to power all the vehicles now using petroleum based products? There are no pumping stations. No vegetable oil pipelines. Who will make the investment to provide such things? Cars can run quite efficiently on propane as well, and in Phoenix there was a big push for this (even with virtually free cars provided at tax payer expense), but there are about 4 propane filling stations in the entire Phoenix metro area. Who wants to drive 20 miles to a filling station?

I am all for cleaner burning fuels. But nothing will come without some sort of side effect. The buzz about hydrogen sounds great. The exhaust is water vapor. However, I've read that there is a concern that in major metro areas there would be so much water vapor produced it would actually change weather patterns.

[wendybeth]

I am all for cleaner burning fuels. But nothing will come without some sort of side effect. The buzz about hydrogen sounds great. The exhaust is water vapor. However, I've read that there is a concern that in major metro areas there would be so much water vapor produced it would actually change weather patterns.

Not to mention what the high humidity levels would do to my hair!;)

(It could be argued that pollution has done it's fair share of changing weather patterns...)

[CoasterMatt]

Where are the researchers from Argon when you need them? :D

(anybody who doesn't get that obscure reference, go watch the Kentucky Fried Movie)

[HTHBellcaptain]

If I were president I would disband congress and create a demented bellhop impersonator dictatorship, with myself as Bellcaptain.

Then I'd declare a Peeps! holiday. Everyone would have to celebrate the wonderful food group know as Peeps. There would be songs, poems and sagas written about Peeps.

I would create a law that forced everyone to have garden gnomes in everything they own (House, car, refridgerator, shower.) Garden Gnomes would become a status symbol.

Next thing I'd do is get rid of the U.S. Mint, and replace it with the U.S. Chocolate Mint. That's right, the new currency for my bellhop dictatorship would be Chocolate.

The final thing that I would do on day 1 of being President/Dictator/Bellcaptain would be to shoot Carrot Top.

[sleepyjeff]

There's more to it than that. It's an issue of existing infrastructure as well. Where would someone go to purchase enough vegetable oil to run their car? Can there be enough mass produced to power all the vehicles now using petroleum based products? There are no pumping stations. No vegetable oil pipelines.

Not to mention the poor rain forests that will be clear cut to grow said veggie oils :D

[sleepyjeff]

I would split the government into Three sectors for Tax purposes. Two of the sectors would be controlled by the 2 largest political parties and the third sector by a coalition of all remaining political parties. Every citizen would be required to belong to one of the 3 sectors.

Because National Defense is Paramount all citizens would pay into a Defense fund(this fund will only be for the military defense of the US not its allies or overseas interests)

Beyond that each sector would tax only the members of the sector and only for those things which they are interested in. This would promote competition between the sectors to keep taxes relatively low in order to retain members so pork spending would go bye bye. People who think a foriegn war is important would most likely join a tax sector that supports such action. People who think a ton of money thrown at education will fix its problems may join a sector that supports that. People who don't want the government spending money on anything may wish to join yet different sector.

Right now we have Rs and Ds trying to outspend each other and that can't be good for the country; With tax sectors implemented they would be competing to see who could spend the least instead of the most....and that can only be a good thing :D

[Name]

Where would someone go to purchase enough vegetable oil to run their car? KFC, Jack in the Box, McDonalds, Burger King, the many mom and pop restaurants around town, Carls Jr., All the taco stands that are in my neighborhood, Hooters, Uno's, Baja Fresh, Pick Up Stix, California Pizza Kitchen, TGI Friday's,Kripy Kreme, Other Donut shops, any other restaurant/bar that serves anything fried, as well as several industries that use vegetable oils for their products.

[Ghoulish Delight]

Where are the researchers from Argon when you need them? :D

(anybody who doesn't get that obscure reference, go watch the Kentucky Fried Movie)I've got a barrel full of combs and fast food containers just waitin' to be turned into fuel.

[AllyOops!]

Three Words: The Pink House

Just teasin' ;)

[SacTown Chronic]

I'd institute single-term limits for every political position. Imagine how much work these Senators and Congressmen would get done if they didn't spend half their day begging for campaign money.


Oh, and I'd undo everything scaeagles has done should he get to the White House first. No sense raping our Mother so that millionaires can make a few more bucks (You know, like Dubya and his puppeteers selling oil from the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge to Asia -- lower America's dependence on foreign oil my ass.).

[scaeagles]

KFC, Jack in the Box, McDonalds, Burger King, the many mom and pop restaurants around town, Carls Jr., All the taco stands that are in my neighborhood, Hooters, Uno's, Baja Fresh, Pick Up Stix, California Pizza Kitchen, TGI Friday's,Kripy Kreme, Other Donut shops, any other restaurant/bar that serves anything fried, as well as several industries that use vegetable oils for their products.

There are still the logistical issues of finding practical ways to use it. Anything previously used would obviously have to be finely filtered, and there would still be the same distribution problems of how to get it to places to filter it and get it into vehicles.

[Kels]

Next thing I'd do is get rid of the U.S. Mint, and replace it with the U.S. Chocolate Mint. That's right, the new currency for my bellhop dictatorship would be Chocolate.

HTHBellcaptain for President!!!

[sleepyjeff]

I'd institute single-term limits for every political position. Imagine how much work these Senators and Congressmen would get done if they didn't spend half their day begging for campaign money.




Cool............... :)

[Name]

There are still the logistical issues of finding practical ways to use it. Anything previously used would obviously have to be finely filtered, and there would still be the same distribution problems of how to get it to places to filter it and get it into vehicles.
Brief outline of what solutions people have with filtering used vegetable oil....... http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/5136966/

I am sure some enterprising entrepenuer would jump at the chance to secure contracts with the hundreds of restauranteurs to make a few bucks for doing nothing more then a little filtering and redistribution. This type of thing has the same feel as linux to me, there were many people that I knew several years ago that said linux would never last, but it is still a thriving OS, in fact Red Hat was a very good stock at one point(I haven't watched their stock in several years, so don't know what they are doing now). So, I don't know what the reluctance is to ween ourselves off the fossil fuel tit is, but I would be more then willing to convert a car to run off diesel(I think the next four wheeled vehicle I buy will be diesel so I can use a different fuel). But back to the point, as more and more people take steps to use vegetable oil as an alternative fuel, the distribution needs would arise. It seems a far better solution to me then drilling for a pittance of oil in a pristine wildlife refuge, and who knows, maybe the market for agricultural products would improve decreasing the need for agricultural subsidies. Seems more a win-win to me then lining the already bulging pockets of the oil millionaires. I am a realist and understand that there will always be a demand for fossil fuels, but introducing a viable alternative that could help to decrease our dependance on fossil fuels as the only form of energy seems very promising.

[scaeagles]

Name, I'm all for it. However, I honestly believe that if there was profit in it it would be getting done. I would suspect the holdup on such action comes from several fronts -

Not enough people drive diesels to make it worth while at present.

Those who drive diesels may not be willing or able to shoulder the cost of conversion.

Car manufacturers would have to be convinced that consumers would purchase diesels (perhaps veggie oil ready) to increase their production of them.

No consumer would buy these cars until the infrastructure was in place to allow for refueling with ease somewhat close to finding the corner gas station. The investment to provide for that is billions of dollars.

I don't see any industry being willing to take the risk.

If these industries did, I doubt it would be any economical to pay for collection and processing of the used vegetable oil. I would suspect that fresh veggie oil would be required. Should the use of this go widespread, then there would be more investments required to drastically increase production of vegetable oil. Doesn't the oil in fryers at restaurants get changed only once a day? I am not sure. I just doubt that the restaurant industry would not have enough to be recycled to make a difference.

[Name]

who knows, its just something to watch in the coming years, and if the price of fossil fuels keeps rising, I think more and more people would go for this thing(as several already have). It's just nice to know that there is a useable alternative to fossil fuels to use in diesel vehicles. I don't see the use of vegetable oil going away, and it may have a slow start, but I'd say 10 to 20 years(maybe more, maybe less) it will have grown to something more then just a few people around the country stopping by their restaurants to having a few places that you can buy vegetable oil from the pump. All I know as a fact is there is only a finite amount of fossil fuels that eventually will be dried up, so the sooner we decrease our dependance on them, the better. I'm just putting the vegetable oil idea on my watch list, who knows where it will go.

[AllyOops!]

"I pledge allegiance to the pink striped Flag with the cute little hearts that replaced the stars
of the United States of Sanrio,
and to the Republic for which it, like, stands n' stuff
one sparkly Nation under God, indivisible,
With Liberty and Justice for only those who deserve it, which means your'e finally screwed O.J., because everyone knows your ass is guilty."

Amen


;) :p

[Eliza Hodgkins 1812]

"I pledge allegiance to the pink striped Flag with the cute little hearts that replaced the stars
of the United States of Sanrio,
and to the Republic for which it, like, stands n' stuff
one sparkly Nation under God, indivisible,
With Liberty and Justice for only those who deserve it, which means your'e finally screwed O.J., because everyone knows your ass is guilty."

Amen


;) :p

You are *killing* me today. If this were the actual pledge, I might have been more inclined to stand up and actually do it.

[CoasterMatt]

I'd hire the Gravity Group to build an exact replica of the Long Beach Cyclone Racer at Camp David - and require any visiting dignitaries to ride in the back row before any negotiations.

[CoasterMatt]

Oh yeah, I'd also PAINT THE WHITE HOUSE BLACK!! :D

[Scrooge McSam]

I'd allow the average US taxpayer to opt out of Social Security, just as members of the House and Senate can do.

Could you please cite a source to back up this opinion.

It is my understanding that Congress cannot opt out of the Social Security program. They pay FICA just like every other working (don't get me started!) American. There was a period of about 20 years that municipalities could opt out of social security, but that loophole was closed in 1983. They do, however, have retirement security options not available to all Americans, like the Thrift Savings Plan which is similar to 401K plans offered by larger employers.

[scaeagles]

My bad, Scrooge. They were required to start paying in beginning in 1988. Previously to that they were permitted to opt out. Behind the times a bit, I suppose.

That being said, I would still, in a graduated fashion, allow the average US citizen to opt out of social security, moving in the direction of private accounts.

[Prudence]

I'm not an economist or a US historian. My perceptions are based on my corner of the world and might not hold everywhere. Nonetheless, here they are.

I'm not sure how I will approach this problem, but in my opinion the number one problem facing this country at the moment is the lack of long-term planning.

My ancestors, at least on one side, were farmers. One set of great-grandparents came over from Switzerland and settled in the midwest -- farmers. Another set were also midwest farmers. My grandparents were farmers. (And they took it seriously. My grandfather had a master's degree in Agronomy from Iowa State, 1933. That was a Big Deal at the time. It was a hard science. He picked his farm after taking and analyzing soil samples from across Iowa. And he knew what he was doing. But now I'm just bragging.)

My dad and aunt grew up on a working farm. And it still influences how they act and plan today. There's a lot of chance in farming. Diseases, pests, weather -- all can destroy a crop season or your animal stock. And they happen regularly. You have to have a plan for what will happen if this season doesn't turn out as planned -- how will you salvage what you can? Do you have seed stock for next year?

There's a cyclical nature to farming, and you have to keep the next several cycles in mind. Even maufacturing is cyclical to some extent, although a shorter cycle from beginning to finished product. But agriculture isn't our backbone any more, and manufacturing's headed the same way. They say we're moving toward a "service" economy. But the service "cycle" can be very short indeed. It's a different way of viewing business and, by extension, life.

We hear all the time about our nation of debt. People don't save for retirement. Hell, they don't save for next month. We've sped up our internal clocks and our expectations are different. We expect results now, not next year, not in five years. From Eisner-era Disney to Enron to healthcare HMOs, we want our portfolios to go up month after month and those demands have been commuicated to the top. We're not willing to see short-term "losses" (some might call them investments...) designed to ensure long-term gain.

The Depression was a major economic event for this country -- but the lasting effects on people vary. Some people vowed to make sure nothing like that ever happened to them again -- and increased their long-term planning. Others decided they'd better get what they could WHEN they could, because who knows what's going to happen tomorrow. And that's the view that seems to predominate today.

Again, I only have my own experience and obervations to draw on, but even growing up there was a big difference between my parents and my classmates parents. We were definitely not poor. Probably upper middle class. We probably had more income than a lot of my classmates. But my parents have saved, invested, paid off their mortgage after 15 years, put two kids through four-year degrees, etc... We didn't have the shiniest or the newest, but when my dad was sick we didn't have to worry. I am so very lucky that I don't have to worry about my parents' long-term care needs; they've planned for that, including all the "what-ifs" my paranoid father can imagine.

My classmates, on the other hand, had shiny new cars, designer clothes, huge houses, and enormous debt. And who cares, because if the debt gets too big they'll just declare bankruptcy and start over.

To draw from the discussion here re: cars -- people don't make long-term decisions. They want instant gratification -- the biggest, cheapest, flashiest car they can buy. There are many ways in which capitalism is great. Playing to the lowest common denominator isn't one of them. Given the choice between two automobiles -- one more expensive, but using "responsible" fuel sources, and one dirt cheap but belching black smoke -- there are a whole lot of people who figure someone else will do the responsible thing, but they need a car and they need it cheap and their one smoke-belching car isn't a big deal, so who cares?

And the answer isn't for the government to make decisions for people. That's what frustrates me. I don't want to be told what to do and I don't want to tell other people to do. But at the same time, I can't make people care about anything past the end of their nose, much less the end of their anticipated lifetime.

Hell, if I could even make people think TO the end of their anticipated lifetime it would be a miracle. I think that's the biggest problem with social security. People currently receiving it may have made plans based on it. People my age haven't the foggiest idea what they'll need at the end of life. How can you have a national discussion on something when most don't even understand what they're discussing?

And there's my lack of helpful input. I don't know how to fix it. And everything about today's culture and technology only decreases our attention spans. Fortunately I have years ahead of me before I can even run.

[Tref]

My first act as President - record an album of Salsa hits - tour.

2nd act: Vice President Nelly

3rd act: remove power from U.S. Treasury and give it to Franklin Mint

4th act: Change National symbol from eagle to Gn2Dlnd's "popeye" avator photo

Intermission (refreshments will be served in lobby)

5th act: invite Hannity & Colmes to dinner - serve hemlock

6th act: change National anthem to theme from Love, American, Style
Curtain

this box keep words FRESH

7th act: Here is one promise I'll make and boss Jim Gettys knows I'll keep it: My first official act as President of this country will be to appoint a special district attorney to arrange for the indictment, prosecution and conviction of Boss Jim W. Gettys!

8th act: Less talk, more rock!

[wendybeth]

Coastermatt and the BellCaptain almost had my vote, but I think I'll have to go with Tref. Mainly for the hemlock idea, but also for the intermission. This country could use it.

Can we still paint the WH black, though?

[Not Afraid]

I'd redecorate the White House in the style of the Haunted Mansion complete with a "terrorists be damned" doombuggy ride thru. All major decisions would be made by Mdm. Leota and, those who disagreed, would be sent down the river and auctioned off to those most needing an extra breadwinner in their family.

[Motorboat Cruiser]

5th act: invite Hannity & Colmes to dinner - serve hemlock


Perfect. :)

Although, it should be Hannity and Colmes.

[Matterhorn Fan]

Next thing I'd do is get rid of the U.S. Mint, and replace it with the U.S. Chocolate Mint. That's right, the new currency for my bellhop dictatorship would be Chocolate.

The final thing that I would do on day 1 of being President/Dictator/Bellcaptain would be to shoot Carrot Top.Oooh! Ooh! Can I be your Vice President/Dictator/Bellcaptain? I promise I won't eat up your entire fortune of chocolate. Just half of it--I'll share, I swear.

Garden gnomes in the shower? :gnome: Riiiiight.

[Not Afraid]

K:gnome:NKY !