Eliza Hodgkins 1812
06-30-2005, 03:39 PM
I need an exorcism.
There has got to be a demon living inside of my brain, for there can be no other explanation for the incredibly painful headache one gets while doing nothing more than glaring at her computer screen all day under painfully bright fluorescent lighting.
It certainly doesn’t have to do with reading on a moving bus, or sitting out in the hot sun for lunch. It cannot be the air conditioning or the fact that I haven’t had coffee since Sunday. It HAS to be a demon.
And not the spirit of a demon, either. An actual demon, maybe more than one, must be inside of my skull hammering away at it bone chip by bone chip. Certainly there are demons chewing on my gums, causing them to recede and hurt. I refuse to believe *that* has anything to do with not visiting a dentist in over 4 years.
It’s definitely demons. I picture them slippery and grey, shiny with perpetually evil sweat, with rounded horns and protruding bones, and sharp, sharp teeth for gnawing.
They ride around in my eyeballs on bicycles with orbital saws for wheels. They dive in and out of my pores, clogging them up. They slip slide down my throat and take a swim in my stomach acid and that’s what gives me indigestion. It’s certainly not enchiladas or pizza giving me stomach aches No. Nuh-uh. It’s DEMONS.
An exorcism is what I need. That’ll do the trick.
And I’m fairly certain the only person who could perform one properly is you, my sexy grandpa old man fantasy crush Max von Sydow. First, you performed an exorcism on Linda Blair, so you’re, like, totally qualified. Also, you are dead sexy even today. Seriously, you’re like a Nordic god or something. I bet you killed Grendel and Beowulf took all the credit, that’s how sexy you are. You’ve always been a favorite of mine. Ming! You were Ming! And you were in Conan the Barbarian. You were a wicked cool Fremin and a hot grandpa Satan in Needful “will this movie NEVER END?!?!” Things. Bond movies. Swedish movies. The list goes on and on for over 100 films.
Yes, yes, you were also in Bergman’s The Seventh Seal. Great fvcking movie. Really. Loved it.
But it ain’t The Ice Pirates. Pirates in space! With space herpes! My God, you rock, Sir! You rock!
Oh, but this day is hurting me, Max. May I call you Max?
Please stop hurting me, Day. My eyes. My head. My teeth. My typing fingers. My back? Does my back hurt? It all hurts. It’s like I’m your age or something.
On the bright side, the very fluorescent light bright side……….4 day weekend!!!!!!
4 DAY WEEKEND! So, Day, you’re not so bad. I guess we can be best chums again.
Still, I’ve got his horrible but slight ache in my head, and I’m convinced only you can cast it out, Max.
Also, this break from work day is brought to you by the need to take fifteen minutes for myself, since I’ve been working pretty steadily since I got here at 8:00 trying to fit two day’s worth of work into one (4 day weekend!!!!!), and I’m dog tired and, as I’ve said, in pain. And I’m going to be working late tonight.
So, will I see you at my place, say around 8? You bring the crucifix and the holy water and your fine, fine self. I’ll bring my demon(s) buddy (ies). Then, we party.
Love,
Audra, and her demon(s)
There has got to be a demon living inside of my brain, for there can be no other explanation for the incredibly painful headache one gets while doing nothing more than glaring at her computer screen all day under painfully bright fluorescent lighting.
It certainly doesn’t have to do with reading on a moving bus, or sitting out in the hot sun for lunch. It cannot be the air conditioning or the fact that I haven’t had coffee since Sunday. It HAS to be a demon.
And not the spirit of a demon, either. An actual demon, maybe more than one, must be inside of my skull hammering away at it bone chip by bone chip. Certainly there are demons chewing on my gums, causing them to recede and hurt. I refuse to believe *that* has anything to do with not visiting a dentist in over 4 years.
It’s definitely demons. I picture them slippery and grey, shiny with perpetually evil sweat, with rounded horns and protruding bones, and sharp, sharp teeth for gnawing.
They ride around in my eyeballs on bicycles with orbital saws for wheels. They dive in and out of my pores, clogging them up. They slip slide down my throat and take a swim in my stomach acid and that’s what gives me indigestion. It’s certainly not enchiladas or pizza giving me stomach aches No. Nuh-uh. It’s DEMONS.
An exorcism is what I need. That’ll do the trick.
And I’m fairly certain the only person who could perform one properly is you, my sexy grandpa old man fantasy crush Max von Sydow. First, you performed an exorcism on Linda Blair, so you’re, like, totally qualified. Also, you are dead sexy even today. Seriously, you’re like a Nordic god or something. I bet you killed Grendel and Beowulf took all the credit, that’s how sexy you are. You’ve always been a favorite of mine. Ming! You were Ming! And you were in Conan the Barbarian. You were a wicked cool Fremin and a hot grandpa Satan in Needful “will this movie NEVER END?!?!” Things. Bond movies. Swedish movies. The list goes on and on for over 100 films.
Yes, yes, you were also in Bergman’s The Seventh Seal. Great fvcking movie. Really. Loved it.
But it ain’t The Ice Pirates. Pirates in space! With space herpes! My God, you rock, Sir! You rock!
Oh, but this day is hurting me, Max. May I call you Max?
Please stop hurting me, Day. My eyes. My head. My teeth. My typing fingers. My back? Does my back hurt? It all hurts. It’s like I’m your age or something.
On the bright side, the very fluorescent light bright side……….4 day weekend!!!!!!
4 DAY WEEKEND! So, Day, you’re not so bad. I guess we can be best chums again.
Still, I’ve got his horrible but slight ache in my head, and I’m convinced only you can cast it out, Max.
Also, this break from work day is brought to you by the need to take fifteen minutes for myself, since I’ve been working pretty steadily since I got here at 8:00 trying to fit two day’s worth of work into one (4 day weekend!!!!!), and I’m dog tired and, as I’ve said, in pain. And I’m going to be working late tonight.
So, will I see you at my place, say around 8? You bring the crucifix and the holy water and your fine, fine self. I’ll bring my demon(s) buddy (ies). Then, we party.
Love,
Audra, and her demon(s)