Crush on the wrong person?

[Boingonut]

Okay so for the first time in a very long time I have a crush on someone. I have to admit it feels great, but there are a few problems.

First problem is I go to school with this person. If I went to anouther kind of school this would not be a problem but I go to film school where going to school is also kind of like going to work. You have to work with the same 10 or 15 students a lot both inside and outside of class and if something went wrong it would make for a very awkward next 3 years. Not very many people at my school "hook up" for this reason.

Second problem is that she is not a member of my Church. This does not matter to me one bit, in fact it is one of the resons I am attacted to her I think. But it matters a lot to my friends and family who are members of my Church. I don't want to disapoint my them.

Third problem is that I have not dated in a very long time. I just have not met anyone worth dating I guess until I met her, plus I am very shy and it takes a lot to get me out of my shell. So my dating skills are crap, I don't even really know what I would do for a first date with her. She is a smart funny California girl and I am just a hick from Utah.

So should I just go for it and ask her out, or should I keep it to myself and admire her from a distance? I am not sure how she feels about me, some signs are there that she is interested in me, and some are not. It would feel nice just to at least go out with her and test the waters, but I kind of like what I have with her now even though I am kind of frustated with it.

What should I do?

[mistyisjafo]

I figure if you like her then ask her out. But have a casual date, something simple like go for coffee or lunch or something. You don't have to tell her you like her yet but get to know her. Worry about the other stuff later. If you don't try you may be missing out on the ONE. Ya never know.

Trust me, I had to do the same thing just last month. Sad to say it didn't go over but that's ok, gotta try right?! :cool:

[Isaac]

I felt a connection with Steve the day I met him but had I not decided to try to pursue a relationship we would never be together.

I think you should go for it.

There is a possibility things could get awkward at school if the relationship turned sour but that might not happen.

As you stated whether or not she's a member of your church (whatever church it is) does not matter. Your happiness is more important than whether or not your family approves of her. After all, you're the one that's gonna sleep with her, not them.

You might feel a bit rusty at dating but there's no better way to get back in the swing of things than by practice. Start slow & ask her to hang out with you somewhere for lunch or something.

Go out with her and see if you two have chemistry or not.

[Cadaverous Pallor]

You gotta try! Like the others said, you never know. When opportunity knocks you jump for that door!

If I waited for GD to call me, lord knows what would have happened....;)

[€uroMeinke]

Who ever does have a crush on the right person? Usually you only learn that after the fact...

[tracilicious]

Maybe you can kind of feel things out a bit before telling her how you feel. Hang out with her in groups, or on casual outings. Then if in a few weeks you still feel the same way, then by all means go for it.

[Drince88]

Second problem is that she is not a member of my Church. This does not matter to me one bit, in fact it is one of the resons I am attacted to her I think. But it matters a lot to my friends and family who are members of my Church. I don't want to disapoint my them.

If it doesn't matter to you, it shouldn't matter. YOU are the one dating her, not your family and friends. AND we're talking one date here - NOT a marriage proposal, dating is how you find out if you are compatible. If she is not "the one", dating her will help you figure out some of the things that ARE important to you.

[Boingonut]

Thanks everyone for the advice! I think lunch or something would be great way to test the waters. If she says no then I will give her some time and try again later, or I will just let it go at that and leave her alone and move on. I have enjoyed a lot of small talk and even a few deep conversations with her but not outside school, it would be nice to have a little chat somewhere else. Even though my school is a pretty small place we do seem to run into each other a lot!

I also have tickets to go see Queen and I know she likes them so I think I will give that a try. I am going to see how things go next week at school before I do anything.

[blueerica]

What everyone has said above is very true. You don't know until you try, and I think you can be up front about the work comfort/discomfort thing early on without it being too bad. What's bad is when the relationship is way down the road and you start talking about comfort and discomfort. Coming from someone who usually addresses these sorts of issues late in the game, it's 10 times worse to do it when things are already uncomfortable.

Keep things light. If it's right, it's right, and follow the signs your heart and mind tell you. Listening to them both rarely steers someone wrong.

[Boingonut]

Well I am starting to think that she was the wrong person after all...

Last week things seemed to go very well, we were very friendly with each other during and between class, having many laughs you know. Then on Wendsday night I emailed her for the first time, in the email I asked what the area code was for her phone number since she did not write it down when she gave it to me about 2 weeks ago. I never got an answer to the email, but I thought no big deal she might have a spam blocker on her email and it did not get through.

So Thursday rolls around and we are both very busy in class, and did not have a chance to speak to each other once. She was having some problems with her project and had to stay after class, so I decided to wait for her and ask her if she wanted to go to the Queen show with me. One other girl was still in the room where she was working and things got kind of weird so I just quickly asked her what her area code was. She kind of rolled her eyes as if she was thinking and then told me and I said thanks and left her alone. Now I am starting to think the eye roll thing might have been because she was annoyed with me and maybe did not include her area code on purpose. Or she could have been pissed that she had to do more work, which I understand. Nevertheless it was kind of weird.

So that brings me to today. Since I did not get a chance to ask her to the show yesterday I thought I would call her and ask her. So I call at about 2 and get her voice mail. I leave a message, maybe sounding a little nervous, that I would like to talk to her and for her to call me back and that if I did not hear from her I would call tomorrow. Well I have have not got a call back.

So I am starting to think that I might have read more into this then was really there. But I am hurt because I feel like she does not even want to try to be my friend outside of school.

Am I jumping conclusions or are these all danger signs? I don't want her to feel like she has to distance herself from me, and as far as I know she does not know my feelings about her unless she reads this board and knows that I am Boingonut which I am sure she does not. Also as far as I know she does not know anything about me having tickets to a Queen show. I think I am going to try to call again tomorrow since I said I would still though.

Any advice will help since I am kind of feeling down right now :(

[Boingonut]

Oh, feel free to PM me as well with any advice, thanks!

[Bornieo: Fully Loaded]

Sorry to hear that B-nut. I don't think there's any true answer to your "problem." I think sitting about letting your "Imagingation" get the best of you is fool's gold. You've done what you think you needed to do, haven't you? Realistically, what could / should happen? Sometimes, a day, a week or two of letting things lye might be what the doctor ordered. I say, casual. If she calls you, she does. If not, just chit-chat when you see her next. Maybe make a casual comment.

Just my opinion. :)

[Boingonut]

I think sitting about letting your "Imagingation" get the best of you is fool's gold.

If you can't tell I am really really really good at letting my imagination get the better of me :). Yeah I am going to try to keep things casual no matter what since I really do enjoy her friendship at school and don't want to mess that up.

[Not Afraid]

It sounds like she may have let her own imagination go and it went int the wrong direction without getting to know you first or spening some time together. Well, if it is meant to be, it will get there eventually. Meanwhile, keep living the good life on your own until someone with the right imagination comes along. It will happen.

[Bornieo: Fully Loaded]

Sorry, big fingers...

[wendybeth]

It sounds like she knows that you are interested, but that could just be your hyper-awareness of it that makes me think so.;) Either way, you value her friendship, so just keep cool and casual. If she calls, great, if not, then go to the concert, have a fantastic time, and then when you're talking about it afterwards be sure to just casually mention to her that you had an extra ticket and you didn't want it to go to waste, so you tried to give it to her but....

Eric and I met in school, and we were friends first. I had an idea that he might like me, but I wasn't ready for anything so I just kept things on a friends level. Later on, it occured to me that everything I liked in a guy was right there, so I'm glad he stayed with it.

[mistyisjafo]

Sorry to hear that Boingonut. I wouldn't worry too much tho. Just think that if she wants to hang out with you she'd make the effort. If not then there's the answer. Don't be sad, there will be others!

[Boingonut]

At this point I am going to gauge things on how she acts when I see her next. If everything is cool then I might still try to ask her to the show, I wanted to do it in person on Thursday in person anyway but things got messed up. Until then I will give her the benefit of the doubt in regards to calling me back, she could be out of town, might not have checked her messages or any other number of things. I really hate talking on the phone anyway, I guess I got dumped one to many times in high school over the phone so now I just kind of hate the things. I would much rather talk to people in person.

I am really not feeling to bumed right now, I have been through much worse. That sinking feeling is never plesent but it is something I am sure all of us have felt and got used to even. If anything this whole thing has made me want to get out there even more and meet and date new people. So I guess you could say that I am trying to look at the good things that can happen from this and not the bad.

I know one thing, I had to try and if I didn't I would feel much worse right now. And I may still try, but I think I am going to try to put my feelings for this young lady on the back burner for now. I don't think I have burned any bridges with her so there is still hope and ther is still our friendship.

Thanks to everyone who responded to this tread, I debated with myself about making this whole thing public. I am glad I did though because I think I got some really good advice from the experts here! :snap:

Thanks everyone! :D

[wendybeth]

What a great attitude, Boingonut!:snap: If it will be, it will be, and if it won't no harm in trying. It's not like you made a pass at her, so it shouldn't be awkward- you simply wanted to ask her to a concert. Even if she isn't romantically interested, she should be flattered.