Ponine's Corner

[Ponine]

Ever wonder....
What happens to stars when the sun rises?

What happens to the warm breeze when the sun sets?

What happens to moments, the ones we let slip away?
Will they come back tomorrow with the stars?

Will the moment where you should have said "stay", return,
and still have a reason to be said?
Or is it lost forever?

is that look you saw in the eye of another, fleeting?
or will it be there again?

Where do those moments go?
Who decides which ones are mistakes?
Who decides which ones are regrets?

who decides which are the moments we keep forever?
Is it that moment you said 'I do'?
Or the moment you heard 'I need you'

The breeze will return tomorrow, and bring with it the reminder of yesterday.
The fragrance of a dream, the memory of the past.

Will it bring a new moment to relive?
Or will it bring a new trial to your day?

I'll pick the moment. Like the one I let slip away.
That one moment I should have grabbed with all my might,
to see what it could have given me.

Maybe, just maybe, it'll return, just like those stars.

[Ponine]

A bitter wind passed my shoulder just now
Its chill stings as it rolls across my skin,
Washing away the last remnants of your warm touch

How long ago was that?
That you reminded me a touch could speak volumes?
Told me, in that one touch, that I was worth the moon and stars combined

Yet as that warmth fades, I doubt
I lower my worth to much less than the moon
Much less than a single star

Do you feel me when I'm not there?
Does the wind make an enemy of you as well?
Robbing you of that last remaining piece of me

I wander into the night alone
Left alone with my doubt and my dream
wondering

am I enough

[Capt Jack]

wow....
just.........wow. :snap:

[Cadaverous Pallor]

Awesome stuff, Ponine! :snap:

[Motorboat Cruiser]

Yes, really wonderful writing, Ponine. :)

[tracilicious]

The first one reminded me of my favorite scientific principle (which I also think is a bit poetic) that energy is never lost, only transfered. The second one gave me chills. (In a good way.)

[Ponine]

A bit like Pandora's box

The lid is lifted,
with beauty and wonder to behold.
yet underneath, a nest of vipers and briars I never saw

To take the piece of joy,
along with the pain,
is that the answer?

I can hold the joy in my mind
what doesnt change is the pain
the doubt, the fear...

I need the words,
the words I cant ask for,
the words that arent mine to hear.

I need
I doubt
I mourn
I go on



I'm in a mood... I needed an outlet :eek:

[Capt Jack]

I feel your pain.
Nicely written my friend.

[Snowflake]

Beautiful words!

Donna

[Ponine]

With 28,000+ posts, I had to start somewhere

In Six months…..

You can be reborn in another’s love
And go from feeling reborn to used (and at times, back again)

You can watch friends marry with joy,
And realize you’ll never be that fortunate.

You can grant a wish for a family member,
And realize that it was one of the best choices ever.

You can find that you cannot live someone else’s life.
And that you don’t know how to live your own.

You can realize that some promises are made in haste,
And that you have to release people from them occasionally,
No matter the cost.

You can find that the things that make you truly happy,
Are the things you cannot have.

You can realize that no matter how unhappy you are with your weight,
It’s mostly YOU that cares.

You can understand that what your cat really wants,
Is you there to lay upon.

[Disneyphile]

YAY!!!! Ponine's back! :)

I've missed you.

[LSPoorEeyorick]

Oh, yay! I have missed you, and am so glad to see you back!

[Snowflake]

Welcome back Ponine!

Oh, and where ya been?

[katiesue]

YAY - you're back! I missed you.

[€uroMeinke]

Welcome back - and what a journey it sounds like you had. Hopefully the hard work is behind you now.

Cheers
:cheers:

[mousepod]

Welcome back! (Great post, btw)

[MouseWife]

Aw, Ponine. My heart hurts for you right now.

I am reading between the lines and sensing you have been through a very emotional time. Even though the words are painful, you have written them beautifully. And, they are so real.

I am glad to see you back here. :) If you see the calendar, there are a lot of events coming up, I hope you can make it to one/some. I am going to try myself so I would hope to see you there.

{{hugs}}

[Capt Jack]

Ponine!!!!!! yay!! welcome back!!
Ive missed seeing you here my friend.
truly

[Morrigoon]

Love your most recent one, Ponine.

[Not Afraid]

Ponine, you rock. It's nice to have you back!!!!

[blueerica]

Very nice to see you, indeed, Ponine. :) As one who has gone away and come back, it's nice to come back into open arms. :)

/hug

[Ponine]

Did you know,
that I like sitting by the window in the rain?

That a single daisy from the patch outside makes me as happy as a store bought rose?

Or that I could drift peacefully with the sound of the ocean.

Did you know that it's not about the characters, or the rides,
I like Disneyland because of what it meant to a man,
Because its the culmination of so many dreams in one place.

Did you know that its my dream to be pretty?

That quite honestly, that I find you beautiful?

Did you know that with one touch from you, I can live on that glow the whole day?
With one sweet nothing from you, the angry people in my day are of no concern.

Did you know that someday I want to be able to see a ring on my finger, and believe in why it's there?

Did you know.......

That I made up my first boyfriend as a kid?
That my date to my first dance doesnt even remember me when he sees me?
That my favortie candy as a child was sweet tarts?

Did you know that I am scared to death of my father dying?
But, I cant bring myself to hug him?

Did you know that I think my father is ashamed of my choices?
But that I think he'd like you?

Did you know that I hate being 'bright' ?
That I hate standing out, and having people expect me to excell in some way.

Do you know.........
How happy you make me?

Did you know I was the jealous type?
If you had, would you have bothered?

Did you know that cotton candy is one of the best things on earth to me?

Did you know that I cry buckets at chick flicks?
Or that I avoid romances only because they depress me?

Do you know, that I want to be good at something?

[katiesue]

Bravo!

[Ponine]

It's one of those days.



I’m sorry…
That I am not who you think I should be
That I don’t like it when you say I’m pretty
That I don’t want the same things you do
That sometimes I loathe the very thought of you
That I cannot give you want you want, no matter how hard I try.

I’m sorry...
That my most developed emotion is remorse
That I’m not able to be yours right now
That I don’t have the courage you need me to have
That I am so afraid
That I don’t have all the answers for you
That I need you.

I’m sorry…
That I cant lose the weight I so desperately want to
That I lack the ability to stand up for myself
That I don’t like who I see in the mirror.
That I cant just fix everything, right here, right now
That I just need someone to listen
to understand

[Ponine]

Main Entry: ex·pec·ta·tion
Pronunciation: "ek-"spek-'tA-sh&n, ik-
Function: noun
1 : the act or state of expecting : ANTICIPATION <in expectation of what would happen>
2 a : something expected <not up to expectations> <expectations for an economic recovery> b : basis for expecting : ASSURANCE <they have every expectation of success> c : prospects of inheritance -- usually used in plural
3 : the state of being expected

Main Entry: ex·pect
Pronunciation: ik-'spekt
Function: verb
Etymology: Latin exspectare to look forward to, from ex- + spectare to look at, frequentative of specere to look -- more at SPY
1 archaic : AWAIT
2 : to anticipate or look forward to the coming or occurrence of <we expect them any minute now> <expected a telephone call>
3 : SUPPOSE, THINK
4 a : to consider probable or certain <expect to be forgiven> <expect that things will improve> b : to consider reasonable, due, or necessary <expected hard work from the students> c : to consider bound in duty or obligated <they expect you to pay your bills>

There's a reason I don't have expectations,
Or at least a reason I try not to.

If I expect, I set myself up to be hurt.
I don't need the extra help.

If I expect, the world can disappoint.
It doesn't need the extra help.

Why is it then that even as I try not to have expectations,
I somehow still do?

I long for many things.
I anticipate a great many more.
I however foresee none.

I hope, for things I think that others may expect.

I hope,
For the unsolicited "I like you",
and for the intimate touch of a loved one.

I cherish;
Moments I feel worthy of love,
Hearing someone say they think me worthy,
Times when I feel safe,
and hours when I can just be me.

I dream;
Of moments without rules or restrictions.
That a time will come where I don't care who's watching,
Of a future where I don't live behind a smokescreen.

I don't expect any of these things.
To expect I would feel loss if they did not happen.

Without the expectation,
I feel joy when they do.

Never the less,
Occasionally, expectation creeps in.
And every time, that expectation raises it fur, and strikes a death blow to the heart.
I can't expect. I won't.

I dream, hope, fancy, and long for.
And with all I am, I cherish what I am given.

[Ponine]

I have been reflecting upon an email/reply that a LoT'r sent to me, that I have never truly had the nerve to answer.
She was so open with her opinions, but I couldnt, at the time, be as open as she.
But, regardless, I have been thinking about many things she said, and trying to formulate a response.. being that the topic of the email was sex..

It was this whole thing on how people percieve it, and where they stand.
My knowledge was limited in a great many ways.
Emotionally and in a sense physically... but I own a library card, and I can drive to the bookstore, so I examined other opinions.

I dont have an answer for her yet.. but I did realize something for myself... the opinions that I have, the perceptions I have had in my life, or the way I say "I was trained" ,

Sex was a currency.

Not a gift, not a toy, a pleasure, a currency.

Odd. And for me, somewhat profound. I just had to voice that.

[Cadaverous Pallor]

I earnestly hope that one day you can see sex in a better light. It's one of the most basic pleasures we can offer each other.


*hug*

[Ponine]

Until yesterday, I never really thought that I saw it in a "bad light" , it just WAS.

I think it was thinking about what I wanted to reply to that email it just suddenly clicked, that by and large, this was how I catagorizied it.

I think it's only recently that I saw it any other way.
It's just that when it hit me, it was such a profound concept, that made so much sense... I really didnt know what to do.