My little Snow Pea passed away.

[AllyOops!]

I've been wanting to start this Thread for quite sometime, but I never had enough time & wasn't sure I was ready yet.

I just wanted to let those who were so kind and concerned about my little snow pea (my sweet baby girl Labrador Retriever) that she passed away on November 14th. Your prayers and kind wishes really helped me through such a difficult time.

As you may remember, I posted that she was going to undergo surgery to remove her front left limb (the little arm she used to wave "bye-bye" with) due to a rapidly growing cancerous tumor. The surgery was an amazing success (even though it broke my heart to visit her in the hospital and see her struggling to balance and all shaved and stitched. Still, she was the most beautiful little girl in the world). Within 2 days, she was walking again, and a week later she was hopping up on my bed and running. Her Doctor was thrilled, and so was the staff. I had my little girl back! She was pain free and such a happy little pea pod.

However, a month later, on a Thursday evening, she developed a cough. I stayed up with her through the night, cuddling her and soothing her, and Friday morning, I was very, very worried when she wouldn't take her breakfast (she LOVED to eat). Also, she went outside that morning, leaving the comfort of the house to lay out in the cold. I panicked, because I do know that when animals know they are gravely ill, or going to die, they will leave their home in a way unlike other times they leave to go outside.

An appointment was immediately made to take her to the hospital, where they ran numerous tests and x-rays. She was filling up with fluid, so they drained my little sweet pea. By Saturday morning, she was filling up twice as fast. They removed her fluid, and by Sunday morning her Doctor broke the news that there was nothing more they could do for her. He wasn't sure she would even make it through the night. However, she was pain free and comfortable, plus on plenty of medication. She had just lost her spirit. She could no longer walk or wag her tail. She no longer reacted to anything. I cannot explain, but she seemed ready to leave her poor little body.

On Monday morning I went to say goodbye. My little angel had become so swollen she couldn't move. Her little face and tiny neck...she was just so swollen. She followed me with her eyes but had clearly lost her will to live. I tried my best not to cry, although impossible (she always got so worried when I cried and would lick my tears off of my face). I told her that I loved her with all of my heart & Soul, and that soon she was going to be playing with Doc (my late male Labrador Retriever, and her best friend) and Chris, my late boyfriend (who adopted her with me).

I struggled with the choice to euthanize, but knew that just like always, she counted on me to protect her and never let her hurt. She was dying so rapidly.

Her Doctor is amazing. He counseled me for almost an hour as we sat petting her and told me that I gave her an amazing life and that I truly did everything I could to save her life (she was almost 14 years old and still so puppyish, which is amazing for a Labby). She was supposed to begin chemo that very Monday morning. This all happened between very late Thursday night, and Monday morning.

After performing her autopsy (as a courtesy to give me closure and give them a better understanding) he stressed to me that while he thought I made the best decision for her, after seeing her condition with his own eyes it was the only decision I could have made. The cancer, while rare, had spread from her bones into her chest and lungs. It was one of the most agressive and rapid spreading cancers he had seen.

I'm lonely now. My baby girl was my world. She was my child. She had a little pink fuzzy purse with the word "Princess" written across it that she loved to carry. It now sits on my bed. As does her "baby" (a little plush black Labrador that looked just like her that she always snuggled with.)

I'm so sorry, I had no intention of typing so much. Once I started letting my feelings flow, it seems the keys took over on their own.

Once again, thank you so much for all of your wonderful sentiments & concern. You always have a remarkable way of letting the light shine into my darkest moments. :)

I miss you, Sammi (a.k.a Bobo, Little Bo Peep, little snow pea, little pea pod). :(

[Ghoulish Delight]

:( I'm so sorry. That was one very blessed dog to have you caring for her 'til the end.

[Cadaverous Pallor]

:(

Take comfort in knowing you were the best friend she ever could have wished for.

My heart goes out to you.

[€uroMeinke]

Oh Ally, I'm so sorry to read this, but I think your vet was right, you gave her the best life she could have. It's horrible sometimes that we outlive our pets, they give us so much and want so little in return. ((Hugs))

[Not Afraid]

Oh ALLY! I've been wondering how she was doing. I'm so sorry that she had to leave your world for doggy heaven. I know how much you loved her and you did all you could've done to help her live the longest and happiest life. ((((((HUGS))))))

[Capt Jack]

I've had and lost alot of animal friends over time. Each and every one of em was my best friend and I still to this day miss each and every one terribly.
Know in your heart you gave that wee one the best life anything or anyone could have possibly hoped for. Cared for and loved to the last breath.

God bless you for that.

I know its hard, but I always advocate taking in another to take the space left by the passing of a cherished pet. Many feel like they can never be replaced and that to the letter is true. Nothing can "replace" such a friend. I always think moreso you honor the life of the one now gone by passing that love on to yet another lucky animal.

In any case, my sorrow for your loss and kudos for the courage to face it and be there for them to the end.

[BarTopDancer]

Oh Allybell :::hugs::::

Snowpea was a very blessed puppy to have you.

[Prudence]

Oh Ally, I weep for you and little Snow Pea.

Actually, I don't weep for Snow Pea. She had a wonderful life as a pampered doggie princess. And a most wonderful caretaker who took made her own road harder so that she could make her Snow Pea's end a little easier.

But I do weep for you, who are left behind. It's a hard job, outliving these furry little kids. And yet, one of the most rewarding.

May your memories of Sammi last your lifetime.

[flippyshark]

Thank you for sharing this heartbreaking but touching post. It's clear you loved your friend with all your heart.

[Boss Radio]

My condolences.
I lost a beloved cat this year.
At the very least, it was a wonderful life.

[libraryvixen]

Al, I'm so sorry. My heart goes out to you. :(

[Hades]

Ally,

This news brings much sorrow to my heart. I knew Sammi very well. I watched over her and Doc when you and Chris were away on vacation so many years ago. Sammi was very much the puppy at heart.

Nothing could be harder than losing a loved one, be it human or animal. Being there at the last moment of life, watching the last glimmer of light fade from a loved pets eyes tears at the heart and soul. It's been nearly a year and a half since I lost Lady, but I still feel the sting, and I still see the look on her face as she slowly slipped away from me and my brother as we kept vigil in her last moments. The one consolation about being there was seeing the love in her eyes before she drifted off to her final sleep.

My heart weeps for you, Ally. I wish for you comfort in this time of loss, and pray that the warmth you felt from Sammi's life with you never fades.

[wendybeth]

Bloody hell.

I am sitting here with tears threatening to spill, waving my hands in front of my eyes to stop the deluge. My sweet brat, Mellie, is laying in the foyer within eyeshot, and I promise to give her a hug and a scoobie snack as soon as I finish here. Really and truly.

You are sooo sweet, Ally- and your little Snowpea knew it. That's why she hung on so long- she loved you, and you did so right by her. I'm just so sorry. Not so much for her, as I know she's okay, but for you. It hurts, and yeah, time will help, but for now it hurts.

((((((Very big hugs))))))

[SacTown Chronic]

(((((hugs)))))

[Snowflake]

My heart goes out to you. I rejoice that you gave her the best possible life and you were likewise blessed with a wonderful beloved friend to remember and carry with you always.

Donna

[Stan4dSteph]

I'm sorry to hear about your loss. What a wonderful friend and companion she was.

[SzczerbiakManiac]

<wiping away tears>
Ally, you have my deepest condolences. I know all to well how devastating the loss of a loved one is, human or not.

<bug hug>

[Not Afraid]

I had a dream about Snow Pea last night! She was romping around with a bunch of other dogs at our Doggie Day Camp looking happy and healthy.

Sweet dream!

[lashbear]

Ally, sweetheart, don't be lonely. I believe that the loved pets we've had the fortune to share our lives with continue to stay with us after they've left us physically.

Snow-Pea will live on through your memories, your love, and your future deeds. We never stop loving and caring for those close to us, Humans or Fuzzy Humans (my border collie, Tippy, was a "Fuzzy Human" I'm sure.) and every time we show love, compassion, friendship & companionship with anyone, I believe we also are loving those from our past as well.

No-one will be able to replace Snow-Pea, but there are many more to come who will benefit from your beautiful shining love, and reciprocate in kind.

{{{{{{Biggest of Bright Rainbow Bear Hugs to you}}}}}}

[Eliza Hodgkins 1812]

Lovely girl, my condolences as well. Sweet, sweet pets that are family...always hard to lose.

[innerSpaceman]

Ally,

oh hell, i can't even type the condolences i meant to. i am going through a similar situation of euthanisia decision for my cancer-ridden black lab, Peyote.


The love you shared with Snow Pea will always be a life treasure. Thank you so much for taking such amazingly good care of her, and bless you both for the inter-species bond that was a grace on this earth.

[dsnylndmom]

Oh Ally I'm so sorry! {{{{HUGS}}}}

[tracilicious]

I'm so sorry. It seems so unfair that our furry friends live such short lives. I don't even like to think of the time when my doggy babies will grow old and pass on, but that time comes so quickly.

[lindyhop]

I'm so sorry to hear this news, Ally. It's so hard to lose a pet. But it sounds like you had some great years together. I'm sending a big hug your way.

[AllyOops!]

Oh, you guys....

I mean it sincerely & with all of my heart and soul when I tell you how truly touched that I am and how much I really love you all. :)

I consider myself to be an emotionally pretty tough cookie, but your kind and wonderful sentiments had me in tears. I feel so fortunate not to be just part of this community, but to call each and every one of you "friend".

I've been really lonely for my little snow pea. The holiday season is especially tough, since it's usually the time of year I pine for those I've lost the most. I keep seeing little toys and goodies my little pea pod would have loved. She had a little squeaky pink fuzzy purse that she absolutely loved and use to carry everywhere (by the handle, too. It was sooo cute! ) Especially when I took her out for a ride or walk, she would always have to take her little purse like mommy. Anyways, I saw a little fuzzy mock Louie Vuitton Murakami squeaky purse that had "Chewy Vuitton" embroidered on it. It was so cute, but I had to stop myself from buying it. I have nobody to give it to. Instead, I sent a big Holiday basket packed with yummy goodies for her Veternarian and the hospital staff, wishing them a Merry Christmas and thanking them again for all that they did to make my little pea pod's life a comfortable one. At least I got to buy a Christmas gift in my pumpkin pie's honor. :)

My eyes are filled with tears right now.

It will be hard not to hang her little stocking. Hard to not see her sleeping all blissfully under the tree this year. Hard not to watch her little begging, pleading eyes try to score copious amounts of Christmas ham & turkey (I always stuffed her little belly with plenty.)

The hardest part is coming home to an empty house. Sleeping in a bed that's now empty. Colder. I used to allow her to sleep at the foot of my bed, but she totally felt entitled to the head of the bed, where she'd sleep in the same position as me and lay her head on the pillow. Then she'd kick me off the side practically. I miss being kicked. :(

I'm so grateful to have you ALL in my life. I can't think of a better Christmas gift then the support and kind words I've received from you all.

I love you! :)

[AllyOops!]

I'm nervous to admit this, but I'm also troubled by horrifying and graphic nightmares lately, and I wish I knew what they meant. In almost all of them, I go into my backyard, and I'm shocked to see my little snow pea, and my other late Lab, Doc, laying on the patio. They are happy, but dirty and skinny because I thought they had passed away. However, they were alive all this time and I didn't know. I never even fed them. I wake up wanting to cry because in real life my purpose and joy was taking care of my babies. Why does this happen in my dreams? In my other recurring nightmare, the same thing happens, but my little snow pea rolls over on her side and I can see through her, inside of her. She's intact, but I can see her ribs, her EVERYTHING. I see that she's sick inside and I try to rush her to the doctor's but my Stepdad tells me she probably won't make it in time. I collapse crying in his arms and tell him "I can't go through losing her again."

Why am I such an awful guardian in my dreams? Why did I just share that?

Am I alone? Has anybody gone through this? Sometimes I have wonderful, warm & pleasant dreams where I'm visited by those that I've lost. Other times, I have the kind of nightmares that actually have me wake up shaking. When I think of them, I actually begin to cry. They are just that vivid.

Is there something wrong with me? :(

[Prudence]

I don't think there's anything wrong with you. Or, if there is, we're both in the same boat. I sometimes dream about bad things happening to my cats, especially Boris. Most of the time it's that people break in, steal our stuff, and kill the cats and leave them in front of the door all staked out for me to find. Or there was the time I dreamt that someone had shaved Boris and was burning him all over with cigarettes. And he was all good and sweet to me, even though I'd left him with people who mistreated him. It bothers me even to think about those dreams. But I hope it doesn't mean I'm bad.

[Cadaverous Pallor]

Ally, sweetie. You've been through some rough times. Looks like you can't let go of some guilt you're harboring, even though you have no reason to feel guilty where your sweet dogs are concerned. It's obvious you took wonderful, loving care of them.

I'm sure someone close to you has already recommended that you get a new pet, but that's something you'd need to be ready for. I can't tell you that it's exactly what you need, but perhaps, if you were pouring your love into some new pet, you would be able to move on?

I hope you find a way to make your grieving process easier. No one deserves nightmares like that.

[blueerica]

/hug Ally

I always look at dreams like those as kind of a key to your inner thoughts. Sadly, they are gone, however, you always need to nourish the wonderful times you spent with them in your heart and in your mind. I know you love them, and think about them a lot, but perhaps it's a fear locked away in your mind... a sort of walking away kind of fear.. ?

/hugs

[Not Afraid]

Ally, honey, you've got to let go and let your babies live in peace in doggie heaven. You seem to be trying to hang on to what you've lost and, as a result, it is torturing your sleep and conscious. It's not a bad thing to let go. It's certainly a leap of faith, but it is better for everyone if you grieve and move on. There are plenty of things still in this world that need your love.

[Capt Jack]

what I see:

You werent ready to give up the fight, even when it was time to and your logical and humanitarian mind has already done the right thing. Your insides are still carrying on the fight even after the fact but your conscious self knows that the battle is over...and the two halves of that are still fighting it out. Neither willing to give up. that says tons about how much you cared and still care. normal. totally. I had many a nightmare after loosing each of my parents and more than a few of my animal companions.

I'm sure someone close to you has already recommended that you get a new pet, but that's something you'd need to be ready for. I can't tell you that it's exactly what you need, but perhaps, if you were pouring your love into some new pet, you would be able to move on?

totally agreed. honestly, think about taking on a new charge. the space left behind very obviously needs filling and some lucky animal somewhere would be more than happy to take on such a loving role to such a nobel alpha. make it your christmas present to yourself. I think you deserve such a fine gift as unconditional love.

one more thing would be to forgive yourself. no critters live forever (humans either for that matter), doing right by them at their time to depart is as it should be, IMO.

[Gemini Cricket]

Ally, you're alright. Ain't nothin' wrong with you.
:)