Gemini Cricket
03-24-2006, 12:24 PM
Clothespins
An NPR Exclusive.
A jazzy tune plays for about 45 seconds.
Ralph
“Thank you for joining us again on "All Things Thought Through". I’m Ralph Dunnage. Today we’ll be checking in with Hortense Smafenweep. She’ll be discussing the clothespin. Of all the broadcasts aired on NPR, this tape has been one of the most requested segments ever by our listeners, second only to the announcement of Randolph Mirkenswipe’s death after being on air with NPR for 97 years. Without further ado, here is Ms. Smafenweep and her spin on the clothespin.”
A drumstick hits a high hat cymbal repeatedly through the first minute of Ms. Smafenweep’s dialogue while a clarinet plays.
Hortense
“I woke up one morning and saw the sun seeping through the lace curtains that my Puritan grandmother wove on her long trek over to New Mexico from Philadelphia in a covered wagon. I remembered her mustached face leaning over my crib as a child and I remember asking, ‘Grandpa?’ She laughed, taking the cigar out of her mouth and said, ‘Grandma, Hortense, Grandma!’ How I loved my grandmother. She taught me many valuable lessons in life. Like how churning butter with one hand made your shoulders grow lopsided and how badger hide made a wonderful exfoliant for your skin. But best of all, she taught me the importance of clothespins.
‘What’s so important about that?’ I remember asking her as my feet stomped our clothes clean in a big metal tub that my grandparents sailed to America in. ‘What’s the big deal?’
‘Wait and see,’ Granny said. ‘Wait and see.’”
A bass plucks a melody as a saxophone simmers in the background.
Hortense
“I waited and I saw. After we had finished cleaning the clothes, and as the lye began to take off a layer of feet skin, I knew that me blowing on these hoopskirts was not going to dry them sufficiently. That’s when Grandma took out her twine and draped it across the room while our lazy bulldog, Mackey, slept in front of the fireplace with a dead rabbit hanging from his jowls. I held up the assortment of clothes with my hands and waited patiently. After grandmother remembered where she was, she swept the clothes from my arms and hung them on the line. She held each one into place with a clamp of sorts made from hickory wood that she had so diligently whittled the night before.
‘Clothespins.’ She smiled. Grandmother winked at me with the eye not under a patch.
It all made sense to me then. Granny was a wise lady and our clothes were bone dry in a matter of a day or so. It was like she was magic.
Since then, I have always wondered about the origin of the clothespin. So my journey took me to Harvard University to their Clothing and Miscellaneous Laundry Studies Building near their Divinity School. It was there that I met a Dr. Archie Falkenface, the country’s premier authority on laundry related items. He was a sweet man, carefree and gnome-like. He shared with me his expertise on the clothespin.”
Archie
“Tried and true wooden non-metal inclusive clothespins have given way to the fancy, schmancy wire and wood variety. I’m not a big fan of the wire and wood variety in that rust stains develop on white t-shirts and socks if you do not dry your clothespins after use. Also, I can not tell you the number of people I have met that have lost sections of their fingers to the wire spring while playing games with a clothespin. It breaks your heart. Not that the all wood pin is completely without its dark side, there was that incident in Nebraska and the Clothespin Serial Pigeon Murders. Dark times, Hortense. Lots of dead birds.”
Hortense
“While investigating the clothespin, I discovered a bright young man in Pickles Gap, Arkansas. His name was Nestor ‘Clothespin’ Anderson. I spoke with Mr. Anderson the other day and asked him about his unusual nickname.”
Nestor (laughs)
“I know you have a question for me that everyone asks.”
Hortense
“I do.”
Nestor
“Go ahead.”
Hortense
“Where did your nickname of ‘Clothespin’ come from?”
Nestor
“I don’t know.”
Hortense
“Although my interaction with Mr. Anderson didn’t lend me the insight I desired, I knew that my affinity for clothespins would not ebb. I knew that my life was more complete now than it ever was considering how important clothespins are to me and the world. Don’t get me started on clothes dryers and dryer sheets.”
Ralph
“Our discussion of the clothespin will continue in a moment. You’re listening to “All Things Thought Through” I’m Ralph Dunnage. We’ll return with more in a moment.
A bassoon plays happily as a harp and banjo pluck violently for 30 seconds.
:D
Ya gotta love NPR!
:)
An NPR Exclusive.
A jazzy tune plays for about 45 seconds.
Ralph
“Thank you for joining us again on "All Things Thought Through". I’m Ralph Dunnage. Today we’ll be checking in with Hortense Smafenweep. She’ll be discussing the clothespin. Of all the broadcasts aired on NPR, this tape has been one of the most requested segments ever by our listeners, second only to the announcement of Randolph Mirkenswipe’s death after being on air with NPR for 97 years. Without further ado, here is Ms. Smafenweep and her spin on the clothespin.”
A drumstick hits a high hat cymbal repeatedly through the first minute of Ms. Smafenweep’s dialogue while a clarinet plays.
Hortense
“I woke up one morning and saw the sun seeping through the lace curtains that my Puritan grandmother wove on her long trek over to New Mexico from Philadelphia in a covered wagon. I remembered her mustached face leaning over my crib as a child and I remember asking, ‘Grandpa?’ She laughed, taking the cigar out of her mouth and said, ‘Grandma, Hortense, Grandma!’ How I loved my grandmother. She taught me many valuable lessons in life. Like how churning butter with one hand made your shoulders grow lopsided and how badger hide made a wonderful exfoliant for your skin. But best of all, she taught me the importance of clothespins.
‘What’s so important about that?’ I remember asking her as my feet stomped our clothes clean in a big metal tub that my grandparents sailed to America in. ‘What’s the big deal?’
‘Wait and see,’ Granny said. ‘Wait and see.’”
A bass plucks a melody as a saxophone simmers in the background.
Hortense
“I waited and I saw. After we had finished cleaning the clothes, and as the lye began to take off a layer of feet skin, I knew that me blowing on these hoopskirts was not going to dry them sufficiently. That’s when Grandma took out her twine and draped it across the room while our lazy bulldog, Mackey, slept in front of the fireplace with a dead rabbit hanging from his jowls. I held up the assortment of clothes with my hands and waited patiently. After grandmother remembered where she was, she swept the clothes from my arms and hung them on the line. She held each one into place with a clamp of sorts made from hickory wood that she had so diligently whittled the night before.
‘Clothespins.’ She smiled. Grandmother winked at me with the eye not under a patch.
It all made sense to me then. Granny was a wise lady and our clothes were bone dry in a matter of a day or so. It was like she was magic.
Since then, I have always wondered about the origin of the clothespin. So my journey took me to Harvard University to their Clothing and Miscellaneous Laundry Studies Building near their Divinity School. It was there that I met a Dr. Archie Falkenface, the country’s premier authority on laundry related items. He was a sweet man, carefree and gnome-like. He shared with me his expertise on the clothespin.”
Archie
“Tried and true wooden non-metal inclusive clothespins have given way to the fancy, schmancy wire and wood variety. I’m not a big fan of the wire and wood variety in that rust stains develop on white t-shirts and socks if you do not dry your clothespins after use. Also, I can not tell you the number of people I have met that have lost sections of their fingers to the wire spring while playing games with a clothespin. It breaks your heart. Not that the all wood pin is completely without its dark side, there was that incident in Nebraska and the Clothespin Serial Pigeon Murders. Dark times, Hortense. Lots of dead birds.”
Hortense
“While investigating the clothespin, I discovered a bright young man in Pickles Gap, Arkansas. His name was Nestor ‘Clothespin’ Anderson. I spoke with Mr. Anderson the other day and asked him about his unusual nickname.”
Nestor (laughs)
“I know you have a question for me that everyone asks.”
Hortense
“I do.”
Nestor
“Go ahead.”
Hortense
“Where did your nickname of ‘Clothespin’ come from?”
Nestor
“I don’t know.”
Hortense
“Although my interaction with Mr. Anderson didn’t lend me the insight I desired, I knew that my affinity for clothespins would not ebb. I knew that my life was more complete now than it ever was considering how important clothespins are to me and the world. Don’t get me started on clothes dryers and dryer sheets.”
Ralph
“Our discussion of the clothespin will continue in a moment. You’re listening to “All Things Thought Through” I’m Ralph Dunnage. We’ll return with more in a moment.
A bassoon plays happily as a harp and banjo pluck violently for 30 seconds.
:D
Ya gotta love NPR!
:)