Gemini Cricket
05-19-2006, 12:02 PM
moleHILL MOUntain (A mystery)
by: GC
Part 4
--------------------------
May 19, 2006
To the Kids at
The Lounge of Tomorrow
The Internet, USA
Good Afternoon Everyone,
Well, stars and stripes! After three posts about this lovely town of mine, to you wonderful folk at the Lounge of Tomorrow (Adventures Thru Inner Swank… I don’t know what “swank” is, but I’m sure Lolly would be more than happy to fill me in.), my grandnephew finally lets me in on a joke that I have been the butt of. For my whole life, I’ve been calling the internet the “innernet”. Uh huh. He thought it would be funny to laugh at his favorite grandaunt Eulele. After all that I’ve done for him. Somehow he seems to forget me knitting him his first pair of pajamas with the booties attached. I may have the inclination to ask for those back.
Erica Buell came over to the Bed & Breakfast and Wedding Gazebo with a mouth full of dirt. It seems that she had whittled the identity of the murdered party out of old Hornsby Walkencrag. Andy Bell. Yep, I called that one, my dear pudding pops. But now everything gets interesting. The town’s mayor’s wife’s boyfriend’s head is mailed to our ‘dear’ First Lady. By whom you ask? Well, I’ll have you know that if eyes were knives, Mayor Carstens would be a carved up Thanksgiving turkey right now. It’s no wonder that Yvonne Lungriese-Carstens and Nestor Carstens have been sleeping in separate rooms ever since Andy Bell came into town. How do I know this? Night vision glasses, pumpkins. Rory’s an entomologist and looks for scorpions at night in the bushes, Rory says they glow with those glasses on. (That’s what he was doing the night he saw Yvonne and Andy at the Bait Shop.) He let me borrow them.
Geneva Stebbins, head of Mole Hill Mountain’s Women’s League and Town Picnic Coordination Brigade, and Yvonne Lungriese-Cartens had a terrible row the other day. Geneva called a special meeting in the park to coordinate our town’s Memorial Day Parade and Picnic Basket Picnic by the River. It seems that once again, Geneva got in over her head with the planning. It seems that she scheduled the Mole Hill Mountain’s Children’s Paper Boat Race and the Mole Hill Mountain’s Women’s League Orchestra Mini-Concert at the same time. This would, of course, leave all of the town’s children unsupervised by the river while we mothers were playing our tribute to Cole Porter onstage in the park. (I play the tuba. Picky says I blow better than all the ladies in town, and he’s not lying.) Anyway, this was not a good idea at all. Geneva was never good with planning. There was that time where she planned the Mole Hill Mountain’s Women’s League Wine Tasting Spectacular hours before Dr. Hamish Bezubka’s open casket funeral. Our town’s only podiatrist dies of an aneurism while examining Lolly McDuggan’s corns. Sad really. Apparently, he was examining Lolly thoroughly and just kicked the bucket. Poor man. Anyway, during the funeral seven women, fresh from the wine tasting, came to pay their respects to Doc Bezubka. Well, if you substitute ‘pay their respects to’ with ‘puke all over’ you’d get a good picture in your mind of what happened.
Anyhoo, where was I? Oh yes, the latest Stebbins snafu. After the timing of the boat race and the mini-concert was settled, Yvonne Lungriese-Carstens approached Geneva Stebbins. Well, apparently Yvonne claimed that her solo during the ‘Too Darn Hot’ number was ruined. Yvonne is the best musical saw player in these parts, but as good as she is, her solo ain’t much without the saw itself. Yvonne got to accusing Geneva of stealing it and they got into a pushing match near the river. Time all but stopped as Geneva toppled into the Mole Hill River. It seemed like a lifetime watching her try to gain her balance before falling in. She looked like a gigantic turkey flapping its wings to no avail as she fell. We all gasped grasping our teacups and snack cakes. I was so embarrassed for Geneva. Someone really should have helped her out of the water. I would have, but I didn’t want to get my gloves wet. The best part of the whole affair was that Geneva’s makeup washed off. Which is a blessing, I mean her face always looks like it was painted by Jackson Pollock.
Geneva was about to get to her feet when Old Man Mercer’s German Shepherd jumped out of nowhere. He nudged her back into the river and pounced into the water. Claus suddenly became most preoccupied by a large bundle in the water. It seemed that the rest of Andy Bell had just floated to the surface of our beloved river.
Sincerely,
Mrs. Eulele Pickens
Picky Pickens' Bed & Breakfast and Wedding Gazebo
MoleHill Mountain
by: GC
Part 4
--------------------------
May 19, 2006
To the Kids at
The Lounge of Tomorrow
The Internet, USA
Good Afternoon Everyone,
Well, stars and stripes! After three posts about this lovely town of mine, to you wonderful folk at the Lounge of Tomorrow (Adventures Thru Inner Swank… I don’t know what “swank” is, but I’m sure Lolly would be more than happy to fill me in.), my grandnephew finally lets me in on a joke that I have been the butt of. For my whole life, I’ve been calling the internet the “innernet”. Uh huh. He thought it would be funny to laugh at his favorite grandaunt Eulele. After all that I’ve done for him. Somehow he seems to forget me knitting him his first pair of pajamas with the booties attached. I may have the inclination to ask for those back.
Erica Buell came over to the Bed & Breakfast and Wedding Gazebo with a mouth full of dirt. It seems that she had whittled the identity of the murdered party out of old Hornsby Walkencrag. Andy Bell. Yep, I called that one, my dear pudding pops. But now everything gets interesting. The town’s mayor’s wife’s boyfriend’s head is mailed to our ‘dear’ First Lady. By whom you ask? Well, I’ll have you know that if eyes were knives, Mayor Carstens would be a carved up Thanksgiving turkey right now. It’s no wonder that Yvonne Lungriese-Carstens and Nestor Carstens have been sleeping in separate rooms ever since Andy Bell came into town. How do I know this? Night vision glasses, pumpkins. Rory’s an entomologist and looks for scorpions at night in the bushes, Rory says they glow with those glasses on. (That’s what he was doing the night he saw Yvonne and Andy at the Bait Shop.) He let me borrow them.
Geneva Stebbins, head of Mole Hill Mountain’s Women’s League and Town Picnic Coordination Brigade, and Yvonne Lungriese-Cartens had a terrible row the other day. Geneva called a special meeting in the park to coordinate our town’s Memorial Day Parade and Picnic Basket Picnic by the River. It seems that once again, Geneva got in over her head with the planning. It seems that she scheduled the Mole Hill Mountain’s Children’s Paper Boat Race and the Mole Hill Mountain’s Women’s League Orchestra Mini-Concert at the same time. This would, of course, leave all of the town’s children unsupervised by the river while we mothers were playing our tribute to Cole Porter onstage in the park. (I play the tuba. Picky says I blow better than all the ladies in town, and he’s not lying.) Anyway, this was not a good idea at all. Geneva was never good with planning. There was that time where she planned the Mole Hill Mountain’s Women’s League Wine Tasting Spectacular hours before Dr. Hamish Bezubka’s open casket funeral. Our town’s only podiatrist dies of an aneurism while examining Lolly McDuggan’s corns. Sad really. Apparently, he was examining Lolly thoroughly and just kicked the bucket. Poor man. Anyway, during the funeral seven women, fresh from the wine tasting, came to pay their respects to Doc Bezubka. Well, if you substitute ‘pay their respects to’ with ‘puke all over’ you’d get a good picture in your mind of what happened.
Anyhoo, where was I? Oh yes, the latest Stebbins snafu. After the timing of the boat race and the mini-concert was settled, Yvonne Lungriese-Carstens approached Geneva Stebbins. Well, apparently Yvonne claimed that her solo during the ‘Too Darn Hot’ number was ruined. Yvonne is the best musical saw player in these parts, but as good as she is, her solo ain’t much without the saw itself. Yvonne got to accusing Geneva of stealing it and they got into a pushing match near the river. Time all but stopped as Geneva toppled into the Mole Hill River. It seemed like a lifetime watching her try to gain her balance before falling in. She looked like a gigantic turkey flapping its wings to no avail as she fell. We all gasped grasping our teacups and snack cakes. I was so embarrassed for Geneva. Someone really should have helped her out of the water. I would have, but I didn’t want to get my gloves wet. The best part of the whole affair was that Geneva’s makeup washed off. Which is a blessing, I mean her face always looks like it was painted by Jackson Pollock.
Geneva was about to get to her feet when Old Man Mercer’s German Shepherd jumped out of nowhere. He nudged her back into the river and pounced into the water. Claus suddenly became most preoccupied by a large bundle in the water. It seemed that the rest of Andy Bell had just floated to the surface of our beloved river.
Sincerely,
Mrs. Eulele Pickens
Picky Pickens' Bed & Breakfast and Wedding Gazebo
MoleHill Mountain