This bird has flown

[lindyhop]

My baby, my roommate of 26 years, has moved into his own apartment. I told him when he started college that I would be glad to support him while he was in school, I just didn't think he would become a professional student.

A couple of months ago I had my "you need to work on your financial independence" speech all ready when he told me he was looking for an apartment with his old high school friend, Mike. Even though I was trying to push him towards the door, my first reaction was total panic. How will he manage financially when he doesn't even pay me for his portion of car insurance and gas? And he's leaving me, I'll be so lonely!

Well, I realized pretty quickly that his financial issues are his problem and I just have to be more insistent about the money he owes me. And because we have opposite schedules most of the time, I rarely saw him.

My next thought was his room, I get to use his room! I have too much stuff and barely have room to look through it all and figure out what I should keep and what I should throw away. So now I'm all excited about being able to get rid of clutter, even if all I do at first is dump everything into his room.

Of course his room has to be empty first and that's going to take a while. He moved his bed and a few other things on Thursday but when I got home and looked in his room I didn't even notice at first. The room was still full. I've told him I don't want to store his stuff and his new place has a lot of storage space so someday I'll have my extra space.

This is an interesting time since it's as much a transition for me as it is for him. I'm looking forward to seeing how things turn out for both of us.

[Kevy Baby]

I am the youngest of five, and the only son (yes, I have four older sisters). It seemed like every milestone that I hit (such as moving out) had a profound effect on my mother.

It is a bitterseet day for you -- you are glad to get the extra space, but you don't want to see your baby go. You want to see the boy become a mature responsible adult, but you worry about him on his own.

Accept that his first place (especially with boys) will be a disaster area. His first christmas tree may be decorated with beer cans.

But sit back and know that you have done your job. It is up to him to sink or swim.

[Jughead P. Jones]

I honestly wish that I could move out on MY own. At the age of 25, I still live with the parental units, though not by choice. Due to my low-paying job, as well as increased apartment costs, living at home is a money-saver for me.

But, when I went off to college, I imagine my parents had a hard time coping. I was the youngest of three, so during that time I was away, I got constant calls asking if I was okay. At times, I found it so annoying because I wanted my own space too, but at the same time, I appreciated the fact that they still cared, you know?

I guess what I'm saying is that everyone deals with their kids going off to college in their own way, and it's only natural to have conflicting emotions right now. But, over time, both of you will settle in and move ahead.

[lindyhop]

Thanks.

I'll also miss his technical support. The internet connection hasn't worked since last week so I'm blaming it on him leaving.

As for his new place being a disaster area, have you seen his bedroom at my place? I think I need the EPA.

[CoasterMatt]

Maybe you can get a Superfund grant for cleanup? ;)

[sleepyjeff]

I was a profesional student too and lived with my parents until I was 24............not that I really saw them much; school durring the day and work in the evenings left me just enough time to sleep and maybe eat breakfast while at home. I only lived on my own for about 3 years(what I like to call the fluff and fold years) then I was married.

:)

[RStar]

I didn't move out of the house when I went to college. My parents moved out and left me behind.

They got divorced and moved out, I made the condo payments, and worked as I went to college. But then I dropped out of college. I even moved back in with my dad for a short while, and then got married, had two kids that are now 19 and 21 and still at home. The 19 year old may live here into his 30's- still hasn't gotten a driver's liscense or high school deploma yet. He moved out right after turning 18, and moved back 5 months later. The 21 year old is in college, and moved out for 8 months and then came back.

We also had a niece for a year and a half, a family friend and her boyfriend for a year and a half, and a stray girl from a motel for a year. It's a revolving door here. Good thing we have 5 bedrooms. Or is it?

Good luck to you. But I wouldn't count him gone completely. Things change, but at 26 I would think he'd be less likely to want to return home.

[MouseWife]

Aw, I feel your pain.

We let our kids live here and make something of themselves {that is our hope}. I do think of their rooms, now and again, and what I would love to do with them. :blush:

In this day of extremely high rents, to me, it is sort of a waste to spend so much money. We all do get along quite well, I try to stay up on them about the money I charge them {we do charge them a bit, just so they feel something}.

At one point, a few years back, the chickie talked to me about her wanting to move out and if we could save her room for her. I laughed. I said 'What, you mean my office?' :p But I did tell her that it would be okay.

I agree about not saving the stuff in his room. Hello? That is a big responsibility thing there, saving your own crap. It is easy to box things up and leave it with mom. If you have to carry it around, you are a lot more selective. Thinking {as I type, what a novel idea...} about it, maybe storing some of his more precious things may be a good idea....you never know how other room mates may be....

And, yes, RStar, sometimes a big house is an invitation for 'guests'. But, the lady two houses over also has a big 5 bedroom house and amazingly, no kids have moved back home and she doesn't rent out any rooms. I am amazed at that. Considering I myself have had to move back with Mom twice.....

I digress....

Get a nice hot cup o'joe and look at some photo albums and enjoy going over the life you've had so far with your son and know that there is so much more to come.

[BarTopDancer]

Heh. I have several huge rubbermaid containers of stuff at my parents house. I don't have room in my place for it. But the furniture, if I wanted it I had to take it. So I left it.

I've been out for good for about 5 years now. I couldn't go back home, even if it was to save money. It's a good thing I have an adopted family pretty close to me, though I hear that room is now an office ;).

[lindyhop]

There's still a bunch of junk in his room, stacks of books on the floor, CDs, clothes that he hasn't moved yet. And other stuff that is probably just trash. He moved his DVDs first so you know where his priorities are. I'm waiting for him to empty out his closet so I can start moving some things in there.

He has a lot of storage space at the new place so I don't feel bad about asking him to clear everything out. I don't plan to rent out his room or anything like that so if he ever had to come back temporarily he could.

I'm finding this to be a wonderful opportunity to de-clutter. If I give him stuff I'm not using that's less stuff that I have to store. And this whole experience is finally giving me the push I needed to really look at what I have and get rid of what I don't need or use.

Since he's been back and forth picking up his things it's almost the same as when he was living here. I don't necessarily see him but I know he's been around. He's not that far away and I can do what I've always done to spend a little extra time with him, bribe him with a dinner out. (He won't be coming back for any home-cooked meals unless he's learned to cook himself.)