Why being popular isn't everything it is cut out to be...

[DisneyFan25863]

When I entered high school, I was a loner. I had a few friends, but the majority of my free time was spent in the band room or studying by myself in the quad. I would look over and see the "popular" kids socializing and having fun, wishing I could be like them. I made a vow to myself that, someday, I would become one of them. Everyone would know my name, and I would be able to sit at the "cool" tables, just like them. I changed the way I looked. My hair transformed from a boyish trim to a modern pseudo-spike. I bought new clothed...Vans, Hurley, Quicksilver...the stuff they wore. I stopped using complex words in my vocabulary, even down to saying "me and..." rather than "..and I" because it sounded cooler. I became more social, going to parties and meeting more and more people.

Halfway through my Sophomore year, I decided to run for ASB Vice President. Against everyone's expectations, I actually won. People knew who I was. I slowly had started to slip into the realm of the "cool" people..yet I still wasn't there. I contined thinking of ways to acheive my goal through my Junior year, when I ran for President and won. Suddenly, everyone knew my name. People I didn't even know would ask me how I was. I was invited to come hang out at the "cool" table that I had longed to be at for so long. My friends changed. My hobbies changed. I got voted into Winter Formal Court, and was paired with one of the most popular girls in the school to be the one I escorted. She knew my name, even though we had never met previously.

I felt like I was on top of the world.


And yet, I still feel just as empty inside as I did as the Freshmen looking in. Except now I'm looking out. While I have kept my old friends, I realize the new ones I have met are not friends with me because of the way I think or feel. It's about how I look, talk, and act. I've climbed to the top, and I realize now that it is nothing like I thought it was. People are more concered with the next A&F store opening than getting into college. It's considered normal to spend your Friday night getting so drunk you don't remember where your house is...and then to have your friends post pictures all over MySpace about it. Friendships are constantly ruined as drama over the stupidest detail force people to consider suicide.

I feel like an actor playing a part he doesn't fit.

Being popular isn't all it's cut out to be.

[Gemini Cricket]

Popularity maybe seem attractive, but being smart will get you farther.
Your realization proves that you're the latter and a good guy to boot.
Remember, people who look like they have it all together have doubts and baggage just like the rest of us. We're all actors...
:)

[Ghoulish Delight]

Here's the amazing thing I finally figured out half way through my senior year...if you manage to just not give a rat's ass about "popular" or "not popular", socializing becomes much easier and you'll find yourself to be more "popular" and in a far more satisfying way.

[3894]

If you haven't, watch "Romy and Michelle's High School Reunion".

Signed,
Mom of a 9th-grader and an 11th-grader

[Kevy Baby]

Congratulations Sean on learning an important life lesson, and being able to do it without destroying friendships and without losing who YOU really are. You tried something new and learned from it. That you realized what is 'real' in life in the way you did shows your true nature and that your wisdom extends far beyond your intelligence.

And I'm with GD.

[BarTopDancer]

If you haven't, watch "Romy and Michelle's High School Reunion".

Signed,
Mom of a 9th-grader and an 11th-grader

And embrace this (http://youtube.com/watch?v=h6GDioOjmLA) song.

[katiesue]

Yay Bowling for Soup.

In my experience the "cool kids" from my school still think they're the "cool kids" and still hang out etc. But no one else thinks they're all that wonderful.

In high school I was sort of on the edge of alot of different groups. Which was great because I had a lot of different friends with a lot of differnt perspectives on the world. And just because you now fit in with the "cool kids" doesn't mean you really have to be one of them.

[Cadaverous Pallor]

I was never popular in school. I was completely miserable with my social life until I accepted being a part of the Outcasts in 9th grade. By my senior year I had made some real friends, and while I was still not at the popular table, I was happy.

It was just like GD said - when I got comfortable enough to be me, I became happy and was able to make real friendships.

On another tangent - the popular kids have peaked. Their forte is high school. After that's over, they won't be on top of the heap anymore. I am glad that my years of riding high came after high school.

I love your story because it shows - you can be whatever you want to be, Sean. And it's apparent that you are going to try whatever you think might work until you find the niche that makes you happy. That's good news. :)

Although if I continue to hear of you dumbing down your speech to make others happy, I'm going to ground you, young man. Being dumb to please others is never the right choice - as you've already discovered.

[bewitched]

What's funny is seeing a lot of these people 20 years later and everything has been downhill since hitting the pinnacle in HS. They still tell stories of their "glory days".

They find out that real life is rarely a HS popularity contest.

[Alex]

Life will continue to be popularity contest, you'll just no longer be forced by state mandated education to remain in close physical proximity to those people with whom you are not popular. There are many spheres of popularity and they will no longer be compared to each other so directly

After high school, regardless of the group they were in some will be successful and popular (with some group of people) and have great lives and some will be unsuccessful losers with lives of drudgery. There is no cosmic knife twist that the popular kids in high school stall once high school is over. That is a myth the unpopular kids tell themselves to make themselves feel better. Hell, there isn't even a single definition of what would constitute "popularity."

What you're feeling DisneyFan is being a teenager. All teenagers, regardless of situation go through periods of feeling out of place, wondering what it all means and what it is all worth and dissatisfaction with the status quo. They may not seem interested in getting into college and yet most of them will and they'll do well there and go on to have decent careers and happy lives. They're just not as focused on it as you (or, they don't care to talk about their focus on it with you).

It is important to learn how to be comfortable with yourself and figure out who you want that to be. And that is something all of your fellow students are figuring out for themselves as well.

And while you don't want to pretend to be stupid, talking like the people around you is not necessarily "dumbing down." If you create separations between you and the people around you then you can't be all that surprised if the respect those separations.

One of the hardest lessons I learned growing up and growing into a social person was that everybody is not just waiting to be awed by my intellect and erudition at every opportunity. People will respect you for your intelligence if you aren't ashamed of it, but they also aren't looking to be beat about the shoulders with it.

[Capt Jack]

to be happy amongst others, one must first learn to be happy with ones self.
to do otherwise assures failure.

[blueerica]

For me, high school ended up being okay, mostly because I moved... and of all places to my rival school.

In my first high school, Grant High, I spent a great deal of time trying to be someone I wasn't, while trying to keep some sense of myself. (Doesn't sound possible, well, it really wasn't.) Often times caught up in other people's drama, I dealt with it, and even ended up a part of a few fights.

Half-way through my Junior year, we moved to the opposite end of the town next door, our rivals, Newaygo High. While it took me a little while to get to know anyone, I eventually found friends whom I have kept ever since. (That's 12 years, for those who want a good fright!) I was completely myself; well, as much as any teenager can be. We didn't try to be grunge or goth, we didn't try to be popular. We hung with the popular kids, we hung with the geeks and nerds and were social with each. We got invited places because we were engaging people. (Not saying it to brag, but maybe I should a little.) We didn't have to follow their rules, because we had our own, and it was wonderful. To make friends that know you for who you are is a blessed thing - and I'm positive it's why we're still friends today, in spite of the fact that we're scattered across the country.

You'll find it - whatever it is you're looking for. It might not be in high school - maybe in college - maybe after college. You seem like an articulate young man and you'll attract those like yourself. Take the confidence you learned from the "cool crowd" and blend it with your intelligence and true nature. You'll go far.

[BarTopDancer]

You will find that once you go a bit further in college, and out into the real world no one will care if you were the Prom King or dated the head cheerleader.

I hated high school. And one day I still cearly remember after graduation was sitting in college listening to some girl go on and on about dating the QB, being a cheerleader, being ms. popular and seeing the other people go, so? what's your point? You're not in high school anymore, no one cares.

Be true to yourself, be the person who you are and those who like you will, and fvck those who don't.

[wendybeth]

I wouldn't know if we had a 'popular table' at school- I was too busy ditching to notice. I moved a lot while growing up, so I got used to always being the new kid and being hassled by the snotty popular girls. When I moved to my last high school, I just decided that I needed to make a statement early on, so I went up to the lead Heather of the school and slammed her into a locker. (She'd been picking on a timid classmate, and it pissed me off). Since my last school was a fairly notorious one, I brought with me an undeserved 'don't **** with her' reputation that I used to my advantage. I befriended like-minded kids, most of whom would be considered alternative these days, and never had another problem with the Others. By my last year we'd all grown to be friends (mostly) and the social cliques kind of blended and faded away.

Reading your post made me feel better about being older, DF. We tend to forget some of the not-so-fun aspects of youth. Hang in there- it gets tons better!