I never know what to say...

[blueerica]

It's been a while since I got hit by the Bible Brigade, or more specifically Jehovah's Witnesses, and I never know quite what to say. They're usually quite nice. This one was a little aggressive, launched right into the passages, opened a booklet and asked me which of these problems I'd like God to solve first - crime, hate, war... the list goes on. Bamboozled, I didn't know what to say.

I'm a nice person - and I wouldn't want to be rude. I know they're sharing with me something they believe in, something they believe would be good for everyone. Heck, they didn't even look at me funny when I opened the door in my PJs at 10:40. They handed me their book, and I just wanted to tell them that it was a waste of their time/energy/money/whatever giving it to me. Though, I doubt they would share my views... To them, giving me that booklet, even if I never open it, has at least some future benefit - perhaps I'll open it in a moment of boredom, or better yet, sorrow - a moment when I might just need God's help.

So yeah, I sympathize even when I disagree with their views. How does someone like me, without slamming the door in their face, tell them to buzz off? ;)

Hell, same even goes for really nice people running around my neighborhood with flyers - though I don't seem to have the same problem with them. I can always tell them I'm disinterested in their product and that's the end of the line... usually. But how do I tell someone I'm not interested in God? Even if I don't believe in their religion, or any, there has to be interest on some level - even if my interest is "Why do you believe in God?"

OK... I over-thought this.

How do you guys deal?

[Disneyphile]

Answer the door naked. They won't come back. ;)

[LSPoorEeyorick]

Actually, having just recently seen the short film about the Mormon-like boy who kept sleeping with the atheist he was trying to convert... I dunno if that naked thing will work the way you want it to!

The "I'm really sorry, there's somewhere I need to be" excuse is a good way to brush off without telling off, I've found.

[SacTown Chronic]

Answer the door naked. They won't come back. ;)I'm going to need a stack of Watchtowers and directions to E's house.

[Ghoulish Delight]

I usually just point at the Mezuah and say, "I'm perfectly happy with my faith, thanks."

[Bornieo: Fully Loaded]

Thankfully my dad is a JW and they all avoid coming to our houses. :)

[katiesue]

My Dad used to keep a book of Mormon near the door and would hold it as it he had just been reading it when he answered. Apparently JW's don't like Mormons. Or at least that was his little theory.

[BarTopDancer]

HAIL SATAN!

[Morrigoon]

Just don't answer the door. Unless you see girl scouts, of course.

Now, if you see a girl scout toting a copy of the watchtower, you're screwed. You'll just have to go to the table in front of the supermarket for your cookies then.

[Capt Jack]

much to my benefit, Im always accompanied by a barking dog or two when they arrive...mostly because they dared enter the compound uninvited (or at least thats how the mutts act). they rarely stay more than a second or two, let alone try to talk over the noise.

so my advice? get a big dog. watching all the blood rush out of their face when Cujo and friends greet them is worth the Sunday morning interruption.

[Gn2Dlnd]

I have an active faith that's different than yours and I'm actually going to be late for my AA meeting if I don't start getting ready put this bottle down. Thanks for stopping by!

Ka-lick.

[Moonliner]

Well here is one example of how to deal with these awkward situations....
technically it's about Mormons, but it pretty much applies to all door knockers.

Door to Door video (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sV-a1vmZ6y8)

[sleepyjeff]

Ask a difficult question like "where was Walt Disneys little sister Ruth buried?" or "what is the white stuff in hot dogs?"

[Alex]

While personality can obviously differ quite a bit from person to person, my experience was always that a polite "I'm not interested in talking" and we were on our way.

And don't think you're being clever with some complex way of scaring them off. They've seen it all before and you're likely not really phasing them. It is like tricking your way out of jury duty; you're probably not nearly so clever and original as you think.

If you do get an obnoxious or otherwise pushy person and care to complain, get a hold of the local Kingdom Hall and ask to speak about it and let them know when and where it happened.

[Eliza Hodgkins 1812]

"Thank you, but I don't share your beliefs. Good luck." Something along those lines, and then I politely back up and shut the door.

[tracilicious]

I agree with Alex. Just say you aren't interested and close the door. It won't phase them in the least. If you really don't like being bothered, ask them not to come to your door again. They'll write it down and remember it for at least a year.

Having somewhat of a grudge against JW's currently, I'm planning something more like this, "Is it true that JW's discourage oral sex? I like sucking c*ck WAY too much to be a JW if that's the case. Give me the biggest c*ck you can find and I'll suck it! I don't even care who it's attached to. Old guys, religious guys, atheists, young guys...Hell I'll even suck a smelly homeless guy's c*ck! That's just how much I love c*ck. Fvck do I love c*ck! Do you guys love c*ck as much as I do?"

Of course, it won't do any good. But I'll be amused. :evil:

[Motorboat Cruiser]

Having somewhat of a grudge against JW's currently, I'm planning something more like this, "Is it true that JW's discourage oral sex? I like sucking c*ck WAY too much to be a JW if that's the case. Give me the biggest c*ck you can find and I'll suck it! I don't even care who it's attached to. Old guys, religious guys, atheists, young guys...Hell I'll even suck a smelly homeless guy's c*ck! That's just how much I love c*ck. Fvck do I love c*ck! Do you guys love c*ck as much as I do?"



Looks like Sac is going to need some more watchtowers and another set of directions.

Oh, and it is taking every ounce of willpower not to add this to the quote list. I fear I may not hold out much longer.

[blueerica]

I say go for it, MBC, before someone else does. Hehe

[MouseWife]

Yeah, they'll write your name down in a book. They act like it is just a simple question. See, I answer the door, am nice and take the book. They asked my name and I gave it. So. The next time they come they ask for me by name like they know me, are my friend. That pissed me off and I told them I was not interested.

Another time, after many weeks of not answering the door, my nephew answered the door with underwear on his head and talked to her.

Recently, some ladies who have been going next door {and I don't know if the family is JW, they celebrate the holidays, I believe} and visit with her. They saw my garage open as I was working out. I told them, 'Sure, leave the book on the car' and I continued. The following week she came back. She asked if she could come in to the garage I told her no as my dog would get her and secondly, that I am actually not interested in discussing my religion.

Normally, they ask if someone speaks Spanish, no, and they leave. Also, when they start talking, I say I am Catholic and start closing the door. Door to door salespeople? Usually for home remodeling, etc. I tell them I am renting and the owner isn't interested in doing any improvements.

My mother, now, she gives the ladies heck. Or used to. One time I was there she answered the door and totally chewed out these two ladies walking around with their kids. She told them that her God wouldn't have her dragging her kids all over the street putting them in danger. Go home and take care of your kids, she said.

But, it isn't right for anyone to come to your door to discuss your personal religion.

[Not Afraid]

Since my bluetooth headset seems permanantly attached to my ear, I open the tiny tiny windor/door in my front door and mouth "I'm on the phone" while pointing to my ear.

If that fails, I say "Oh, thanks, but I'm not interested." If they ask if they can leave some literature I just say "Please don't".

[Prudence]

I just don't open the door to people I don't recognize. Mormons, JWs, vacuum salesmen, ax murders - it basically covers all unwelcome visitors.

[€uroMeinke]

"I'm sorry, God has other plans for me."

[Kevy Baby]

Depends on my mood. Sometimes I like to mess with them and either get into a debate on religion or offer them a beer.

Other times, I just politely say no thanks in some way.

Although it has been a long time since I have been approached.

[wolfy999]

I just try to prevent hubby from getting to the door first.....he just has too darn much fun with them!

[wendybeth]

Normally I'm polite, but the last time I told the person (who was being pushy) "No thanks, I'm Catholic. I'll put in a good word for you, though." I don't think this person was JW, - I believe she was from one from of the zillions of Pentacostal-type churches around here. Most JW's are actually pretty nice, in my experience.

[Jughead P. Jones]

It's risky, but you could always go the Marge Simpson route, and kill them with kindness. And, if you're lucky, they'll sneak out of the house when you go get more lemonade.

But, in all honesty, that's why man invented keyholes...you don't have to answer the door at all that way!

[Mousey Girl]

When we were first married, David was nice to 2 ladies that came to the door. I was finding Watchtowers every weekend. I kept telling him not to take them. The following week I was home from work. He was sitting just out of sight of the front door. This time it was 2 church elders. They wanted to talk to "David." I explained that we were not going to be converting and were not interested in JW. They got huffy with me and said they were there to talk to David, not me. I told them that would NOT be happening. They said that he must be interested because he was taking the magazines. "Yes, he took them to be polite. I ended up wtih them and promptly burned them. Please, do nto come back and make sur mo one else does either!!" I then slammed the door and never saw them again.

I don't know if we get them here since our doorbell doesn't work.

[MouseWife]

Oh my gosh, didn't that really irk you? {"I came to talk to David"}. My f-i-l, well, I guess he figured he couldn't convert me {he and his wife used to come 'visit' me until I realized what they were doing, I quit answering the door} and tried to find other ways to get my husband to go to his church.

Hubster did go once, for some reason and just like giving the JWs his name, that was it. I swear, I can't recall the exact wording but I do remember him telling him about this woman from his church and how he should meet her. :confused: {I remember something about how she was a hard worker like him and had a great job....he was always asking why I stayed at home with the kids....}

Then, the Hubsters ex went to his type of church and he tried to use her to get my husband to his church!! At a bbq they {hubby and fil} were off to the side, with the f-i-l next to the hubster, not me. He was quietly telling him about his ex and how he had seen her at church and how great it was and my husband was like 'What? Who?' and I peeped in and explained who he meant. {she later told me fil talked to her and asked her to call hubby and try to get him to come to church}

So, as p'od as you were at those elders, imagine how I felt. My f-i-l didn't seem to count me or our 3 kids important enough and used other women to lure my hubby.

And, no, he never went to church with him again. :evil:

[Strangler Lewis]

Having somewhat of a grudge against JW's currently, I'm planning something more like this, "Is it true that JW's discourage oral sex? I like sucking c*ck WAY too much to be a JW if that's the case. Give me the biggest c*ck you can find and I'll suck it! I don't even care who it's attached to. Old guys, religious guys, atheists, young guys...Hell I'll even suck a smelly homeless guy's c*ck! That's just how much I love c*ck. Fvck do I love c*ck! Do you guys love c*ck as much as I do?"


This, of course, is the spirit of Jesus's message. Preface it with, "I bring you good news," and you have a gospel truly worth taking door to door.

[3894]

If you come to my door and you're LDS, we'll talk about Utah because we like Utah and you probably are either from there or have relatives there.

Other denominations, peace be with you and don't let the door hit ya.

[CoasterMatt]

My dad used to scare the bejeezus out of JWs by saying "Just a moment, let me get my sword" - of course, my dad meant "my bible", but quite a few JWs left our front porch MIGHTY quickly. :)

[blueerica]

So, my fun times with JWs has come back to haunt me. It's not such a problem when its me around - but when I'm busy working, don't hear the doorbell and my grandma comes upstairs to tell me my friend is at the door - ugh.

So, in my pajamas (as I was the first time I greeted her), I go downstairs not knowing who in the world is there, and its the lady who gave me the pamphlet. "Did I have time to read it?" "No." "Well, do you have time to sit with me today to talk about it?" "I'm actually working right now." (hard sell, since I was in my pajamas, I'm sure)


I told my grandma to not bother answering the door. "She sounded like a nice young lady. I figured she was a school friend." I told her that any school friends, any friends for that matter, would give me the courtesy of a phone call first.

Of course, in hindsight, I should have told the nice lady that I'd read her book and disagreed with it in its entirety. (Not that I do). And then of course, "Good Day. Hail Satan."

Hmmpf.

I must be in a mood.

[thecorndogwalker]

(if your a male) get naked, shove your peter between your legs and hop to the door and swing it open and say... "are you the person that is responding to my craigslist lost and found post?"