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Kevy Baby
05-13-2007, 10:21 AM
Someone forwarded this to me and it amused me greatly

Nerve.com's Bad Erotica Contest (http://www.nerve.com/fiction/baderotica/baderotica/)

The opening two paragraphs of the grand prize winner (hidden just in case someone missed the "Not Safe For Work" in the title - yeah, I know it doesn't make much difference Alex, but I did it anyways):

She woke with the taste of his turgid penis on her lips. Even though he was gone, his juices and manhood lingered in her mind and on her cloying lips like Vaseline. The events of the previous night came racing back to her, clogging her mind with visions of ecstasy.
She had never known a man like Julio before. When he came and boldly sat next to her, the musky scent of his manliness turned her from tigress to gentle kitten. She belonged to him before his supple buttocks pressed aggressively against the tattered faux-leather covering of the barstool.

Motorboat Cruiser
05-13-2007, 11:00 AM
Wow, that was amazingly bad. :D

CoasterMatt
05-13-2007, 11:36 AM
hahahaha! :D

Capt Jack
05-13-2007, 01:19 PM
ew

Betty
05-13-2007, 03:18 PM
as his toothless mouth gummed her

Ew is an understatment!

( you simply must read it - majestic 7 fingers? lol... I don't want to spoil all the fun for you)

JWBear
05-13-2007, 05:54 PM
If weren't already gay, those stories would turn me!

Alex
05-13-2007, 07:46 PM
I think a completely necessary element of bad erotica (or any kind of writing) is that the author intend that it be good.

Not Afraid
05-13-2007, 08:20 PM
Is the word "lascivious" used often? That was a VERY popular word in "The Violated Model". (This gem was found by Chris on a tennis court in 1978.)

thecorndogwalker
05-15-2007, 05:52 AM
She belonged to him before his supple buttocks pressed aggressively against the tattered faux-leather covering of the barstool.[/SPOILER]


Never press aggressively against tattered faux-leather furniture....

innerSpaceman
05-15-2007, 08:14 AM
And, completely negating the faux-safety effect of Kevy's spoiler tag, I cannot overestimate the hilarity effect of reading the first tagged line while looking at Kevy's current avatar:

She woke with the taste of his turgid penis on her lips. Even though he was gone, his juices and manhood lingered in her mind and on her cloying lips like Vaseline.