Surrogacy

[blueerica]

I don't know if the topic belongs here. If at any point, anyone deems it necessary to move, then please do - my feelings will be far from hurt.

I'm preparing a presentation on surrogacy and it didn't occur to me until now that there might be a wealth of experience, information and considerations right here. My topics are the ethical implications and legal aspects of surrogacy, in the United States and worldwide.

There seems to be a lot of ambiguity on the subject of surrogacy. Few places seem to have definitive laws on the subject and in the U.S., it varies from state to state. New York bans all surrogate contracts, and though California has no law on it, it apparently has a lassaiz-faire attitude on the whole topic, and is known for a new wave of "fertility vacations." Most states fall somewhere in between. Abroad, citizenship issues abound for those who have a surrogate mother giving birth elsewhere, and other countries make it so that there is an adoption process involved. In Canada, it is illegal to compensate egg donors - or more clearly, it's not illegal to sell eggs, but it's illegal to buy them - making it difficult for male homosexual couples to find an optimal surrogate situation.

And since we have an Aussie among us (though I'm not even sure he'd read this), Australia's laws on the subject vary wildly. Most states in Oz have surrogacy illegal to varying degrees, while some have no laws and apparently it is legal. Mainly, the variances in law have to do with a number of ethical issues surrounding surrogacy involving "intended parents" changing their minds, surrogate mothers changing their minds, and whether payment constitutes a "reproductive prostitution."

All of this comes from the mostly cold documents I've read. Though there are a number of sites soaked with tears and love, I'm hesitant to read too much into it, as they're often more cutesy and less factual.

So, yeah, like I said - all of this has me wondering what LoT-ers might have to say on the subject. After the discussion on abortion, I have been reminded once more that our experiences, origins and lifestyles really give a unique perspective to just about any topic, and I'd much like to hear what you guys have to say... if there's anything to say at all.

Do you think surrogacy, sperm and egg donorship are ethical? Unethical? Do you even know much about the topic? Do you know someone who has gone through it?

[alphabassettgrrl]

I looked into it once, to be a surrogate, but they only want women who have already birthed a child so I don't qualify.

Thinking about it, when there are no unwanted children, and no children left who need homes, and overpopulation not a concern, then I would consider this a more valid option. But currently there are *so* many of us, and so many children needing families, that to deliberately birth a child you don't want seems irresponsible.

I realize wanting a child and not being able to have one causes a lot of heartbreak, but I don't think surrogacy is the answer. A child being "yours" isn't caused by genetics, it's caused by being there for all the bumps and bruises and learning experiences of that child's life.

[LSPoorEeyorick]

I don't really mind if people out there use surrogate partners, either through donation, artificial semination or other means. I know that some people are unable to see adopted/foster children as their own, and that shouldn't necessarily prevent them from having a family if they wish.

If we decide to have children but are unable to conceive, I think I would prefer to adopt or foster, as opposed to other methods, because so many children need homes and loving families.

[blueerica]

You know, I think I really could have struck a nerve if I'd have said something really controversial.

Then again, that's not me to be on one side or the other. So pretend I did, and let's have at it! Or not.

What do you think of women that perform surrogacy for a living, of sorts? One article I read was about a woman that chooses to be a surrogate mom because she likes the feeling of being pregnant.

[Prudence]

I wonder if it's cheaper/easier to arrange for a surrogate than to arrange a traditional adoption? I haven't looked in to adoption that much, but it seems like you basically have to be perfect, rich, etc.... to adopt. Plus, with surrogacy (assuming use of sperm/egg from parents-to-be - renting womb only) you wouldn't necessarily have the same concerns about hidden genetic problems. Or at least they'd be your own hidden genetic problems and not deceit from baby brokers.

[Prudence]

Furthermore, there are people operating legally as, essentially, baby brokers. "Selling" entire infants (although they don't call it that, and claim such is illegal and it's all "fees" or whatever.) So, why should selling the constituent parts - whether genetic material or renting incubator space - be a problem?

[Ponine]

I do know someone who has gone through it, and more than once with the same family, and with a less than ideal situation, and pregnancy.

What are you looking for information wise on people who have been through the process?
I was right there with her, I can rehash anything you like.


Is it ethical? Personally, I think that it is. In this case the family had tried own their own, four times with a doctor, and were on their third surrogate.

[Morrigoon]

Reproductive prostitution? I suppose you could say that, but then you'd also have to call professional football players athletic prostitutes. After all, in both cases you're having a serious effect on your entire body, and living a lifestyle that corresponds to maintaining that body in the correct condition to perform the job (eg: dieting, carb-loading, prenatal vitamins, whatever suits the "job")

[Not Afraid]

I know 2 couples who have used a surrogate to have children. Both couples are gay men who can't do it on their own. In one case, the surrogate had triplets - 2 of the children are from one partner and the other is from the other partner. I LOVE their story.

[Kevy Baby]

I made regular donations to my wife.

[madmonkeygirl]

My cousin and her husband are both adopting. They make a decent living (she's a school teacher, he's assistant principal of a school) so they can afford it but i don't think it's that much money to adopt i could be wrong. Plus there are so many kids out there who need a family.

[Kevy Baby]

My cousin and her husband are both adopting. They make a decent living (she's a school teacher, he's assistant principal of a school) so they can afford it but i don't think it's that much money to adopt i could be wrong. Plus there are so many kids out there who need a family.There is more than one way to adopt.

One can go through an agency. This can cost $, but I am not sure how much. Typically, the agency matches prospective parents with either women having a baby they wish to put up for adoption or via surrogacy. The adopting parents not only pay the agency fee, but also medical care for the birth mother.

You can also work with the county child welfare agency. We are lucky in Orange County (CA) to have one of the best County Foster and Adoption programs (http://www.oc4kids.com/) in the US (or at least it was so rated a few years ago when Susan and I were looking into this).

Technically, anyone working through the county is a Foster Parent first until the adoption process is complete (typically 12-18 months). One can also be just Foster Parents as well - the majority of the training with the county is the same for Fostering as it is with Adopting. There are different levels of adoptability of children in the county welfare program (I am paraphrasing here a bit as it has been a couple of years since we went through this):
Level 1 children are typically cases where the child is only temporarily being taken away from its parent(s) for a few weeks/months. These children are almost never adopted out.
Level 2 children are where it is probable that the child will be going back to the parent(s) or other family member(s), but there is a small chance of adoptability.
Level 3 children are probably going to be adoptable, but there is still a chance that the child may go back to the family.
Level 4 children almost always are adoptable (but there are no guarantees!)The level ratings are determined for each child by Social Services case workers. Typically, if a couple/person came to the county wanting to adopt, they would match them up with a level 3 or 4 child (after they went through all of the requisite training).

There are no direct costs (agency fees, medical support for the mother, etc.) that are associated with working with the County. While the child is still considered a foster child, the foster parents do receive some money from the state and medical needs for the child are covered by Medical, but one will not "make" money by being a foster parent.

Sometimes, if the foster parents are willing, a special needs child (such as a drug baby, etc.) can be cared for. One interesting thing we learned about babies of mothers who took drugs is how disparate the effects the drugs can have on the baby. There have been cases with twins where one baby has severe impact as a result of the drugs and the other has no ill effects.

Susan and I went through the full Foster/Adoption training with Orange County a few years and we only backed out because we wanted to make one more try at having our own children naturally (though when they learned of our collective backgrounds, they were excited and were immediately trying to convince us to take whole families :) ). We had planned that even if we did end up having our own children, we would probably still have had foster kids as well.

I am not trying to downplay the agency approach, just trying to let people know that working with the county is a very viable option.

[alphabassettgrrl]

A couple of my relatives adopted children from S. America and I think one from Russia. I don't remember if that went through, but they were working on it.

My neighbor did the foster-to-adoption routine. She's got 4 adopted kids now.

[Matterhorn Fan]

There's a surrogacy custody battle going on in Florida right now. Here's one news story: http://www.news4jax.com/news/13792912/detail.html