Lust trumps love when it comes to having sex

[Kevy Baby]

Lust trumps love when it comes to having sex
Study finds there aren’t many gender differences in reasons for intimacy

WASHINGTON - After exhaustively compiling a list of the 237 reasons why people have sex, researchers found that young men and women get intimate for mostly the same motivations.Now, I question the authenticity of the top ten (and bottom five) reasons for either gender having sex. I say this because I know that had I been handed a similar survey while in college, I would have messed with the answers: there would have been a high probability for me to answer "I wanted to punish myself." or "The person offered to give me drugs for doing it."

[AllyOops!]

Ooh! Where's the list?

Despite my ribald comments and raunchy posts, the walk is a bit different then the talk for this girl. Raised very Catholic, love trumps lust for me. I can't bear all of the guilt associtated with pure lust! The "I'm going to hell" feeling that would follow just crushes me. Especially since I recently experienced a rocky last couple of years where my choice making was at its all time lowest and poorest. Total commitment phobia and no clue what or where I was going. I'm glad that awful time is long over!

Having said that, I'm completely devoted, committed, loyal and in love with my boyfriend. He inspires me and is the catalyst for all of the wonderful changes in my life that I never dreamt possible. When I grow up I'm so going to marry him. :) And because of that mutual love & respect? We can have lots and lots of "I'm going to wear my old highschool plaid skirt and wear those 5 inch black stillettos and break out the silk scarves and flavored oils because I might be a good girl but I'm your whore" kind of loving.

Damn, I'm still going to hell because I'm not married. It's like I just can't win with the Vatican. :(

[Kevy Baby]

Ooh! Where's the list?Oops. Forgot the link, so here it is (http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/20059548/).

And here are the lists:

Top reasons for having sex
The top and bottom reasons for having sex from a list of 237 that college-aged men and women gave University of Texas researchers:
Men's top 10 reasons:
1. I was attracted to the person.
2. It feels good.
3. I wanted to experience physical pleasure.
4. It’s fun.
5. I wanted to show my affection to the person.
6. I was sexually aroused and wanted the release.
7. I was “horny.”
8. I wanted to express my love for the person.
9. I wanted to achieve an orgasm.
10. I wanted to please my partner.


Women's top 10 reasons:
1. I was attracted to the person.
2. I wanted to experience physical pleasure.
3. It feels good.
4. I wanted to show my affection to the person.
5. I wanted to express my love for the person.
6. I was sexually aroused and wanted the release.
7. I was “horny.”
8. It’s fun.
9. I realized I was in love.
10. I was “in the heat of the moment.”


Men's bottom 5 reasons:
1. The person offered to give me drugs for doing it.
2. I wanted to give someone else a sexually transmitted disease.
3. I wanted to punish myself.
4. I wanted to break up my relationship.
5. I wanted to get a job.


Women's bottom 5 reasons:
1. I wanted to give someone else a sexually transmitted disease.
2. Someone offered me money to do it.
3. I wanted to get a raise.
4. It was an initiation rite to a club or organization.
5. I wanted to get a job.

Source: The Associated Press

[Alex]

How in the world is "I wanted to experience physical pleasure" and "It feels good" different things? Actually, pretty much all of the top reasons are some variation on "it's fun and the other person was amenable."

I'm guessing most of the options boil down to

1. It's fun.
2. I thought I would get something out of it.
3. I was forced/manipulated into it.

[blueerica]

Physical pleasure could probably be distinguished from feeling good, as "I wanted to experience physical pleasure" specifies the physical, and "It feels good" could contain an emotional component (even if the emotion is exhilaration).

I do tend to agree that it's redundant, but that's at least a possible explanation.

[Alex]

Ok, thin but I'll buy it. So challenge number 2, what is the distinction between "I was horny" and "I was sexually aroused and wanted the release"?

[blueerica]

Umm.... Some people like to use big words (extra long statement), other people don't (me so horny)?

Ya got me there.

[Capt Jack]

making love doesnt always involve sex just like sex doesnt always involve making love

and as far as the original post topic of "Lust trumps love when it comes to having sex"





duh

[Kevy Baby]

Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go, it's one of the best.

- Woody Allen

[AllyOops!]

This Thread is making me number 7


;)

[Alex]

Well then good thing it didn't come in second on the surveys.

[Ponine]

College students took this poll? Only 237 and THESE are the answers?

Somethings rotten in Denmark. Was is all one sorority? All seniors? Mixed genders in the same room? Names on the polls? A peer-reviewed study....
that took time...
No way. Baised answers. They thought someone was looking.

[Ghoulish Delight]

College students took this poll? Only 237 and THESE are the answers?

Somethings rotten in Denmark. Was is all one sorority? All seniors? Mixed genders in the same room? Names on the polls? A peer-reviewed study....
that took time...
No way. Baised answers. They thought someone was looking.

I was a little confused on this point. I THINK that it meant that from whatever their sample was, they gleaned 237 distinct answers, not that only 237 students took the poll. I THINK. If not, if they really mean that their sample size was 237 people, worthless.

[Ponine]

I was a little confused on this point. I THINK that it meant that from whatever their sample was, they gleaned 237 distinct answers, not that only 237 students took the poll. I THINK. If not, if they really mean that their sample size was 237 people, worthless.
Interesting, I'll have to re-read it.
I took it to mean the sample was 237, and yes, I agree, thats not a worthwile group size.

[Scrooge McSam]

from the article...

Meston and colleague David Buss first questioned 444 men and women — ranging in age from 17 to 52 — to come up with a list of 237 distinct reasons people have sex. They ranged from “It’s fun” which men ranked fourth and women ranked eighth to “I wanted to give someone else a sexually transmitted disease” which ranked on the bottom by women.

Once they came up with that long list, Meston and Buss asked 1,549 college students taking psychology classes to rank the reasons on a one-to-five scale on how they applied to their experiences.

[Ponine]

Oh fine... Scrooge can read. Who knew? :p

OKay, but then they get the answers.... then they ask pshyc students to rank the answers based on how they applied to THEMSELVES?

<throws hands in air and walks away>

[Scrooge McSam]

LOL... I had the same question before I had the chance to read the article.

Just trying to be helpful

Just trying to be a blessing *sniff*

[Ghoulish Delight]

Here we go...

Meston and colleague David Buss first questioned 444 men and women — ranging in age from 17 to 52 — to come up with a list of 237 distinct reasons people have sex. They ranged from “It’s fun” which men ranked fourth and women ranked eighth to “I wanted to give someone else a sexually transmitted disease” which ranked on the bottom by women.

Once they came up with that long list, Meston and Buss asked 1,549 college students taking psychology classes to rank the reasons on a one-to-five scale on how they applied to their experiences.
Hmm, so it was a 2-stage process, if I'm reading this correctly. One survey to come up with categorizations and a second to apply those categorizations to personal experience. Odd.

ETA: oops, Scrooge was faster with the copy-paste

[LSPoorEeyorick]

Wait... I'm a little confused. Why aren't the answers plausible?

[Kevy Baby]

Wait... I'm a little confused. Why aren't the answers plausible?The survey methodology is seriously flawed

[LSPoorEeyorick]

No doubt, but the answers seem-- to me anyway-- like a combination of the things in my head that lead me to have sex. I'm not saying the survey isn't whack, but... why do YOU have sex?

(YOU being all of you.)

[innerSpaceman]

I have sex strictly and exclusively for procreation.

[Morrigoon]

I disagree with their sample base. If you only surveyed students taking psych classes then you have a bias to your answers, which are psychological in nature.

I daresay if you surveyed 1500 Phys Ed students you'd get different answers than if you surveyed, say, 1500 Religion students, than if you surveyed 1500 Electrical Engineering students, etc.

[Morrigoon]

I have sex strictly and exclusively for procreation.

Uh, yeah.... and I eat strictly to nourish my body :rolleyes:

[Kevy Baby]

I disagree with their sample base. If you only surveyed students taking psych classes then you have a bias to your answers, which are psychological in nature.

I daresay if you surveyed 1500 Phys Ed students you'd get different answers than if you surveyed, say, 1500 Religion students, than if you surveyed 1500 Electrical Engineering students, etc.How about 1500 people other than college students?

Maybe they should poll 1500 strippers. That would be interesting.

[Kevy Baby]

... why do YOU have sex?For me, it's all about the beer.

[Strangler Lewis]

Maybe they should poll 1500 strippers.

A stripper poll?


Maybe they should poll 1500 strippers.

Or maybe they should pole 1500 strippers.

[€uroMeinke]

Heh - this was the headlining article in Web MD today

Yesterday, my company launched it's new portal product which includes a tab called "about me"

In this tab is an RSS feed from Web MD - you know, encourage your employees to have a healthy lifestyle

By this afternoon it was replaced by an error message

Gotta love the desexualized workplace - made for great banter in all todays meetings

[Ghoulish Delight]

I'm not saying the survey isn't whack, but... why do YOU have sex?

(YOU being all of you.)

How many answers am I allowed?

[€uroMeinke]

No doubt, but the answers seem-- to me anyway-- like a combination of the things in my head that lead me to have sex. I'm not saying the survey isn't whack, but... why do YOU have sex?

(YOU being all of you.)

Because you can?

[Alex]

why do YOU have sex?

I can say it in various ways but they all boil down to:

1. Because it is fun.

and very occasionally

2. Because I think I'll get something out of it.

[Capt Jack]

Or maybe they should pole 1500 strippers.

wow, thats a lot...I should get started.

:D

[Not Afraid]

Why? It's beyond my control.

[Mousey Girl]

No doubt, but the answers seem-- to me anyway-- like a combination of the things in my head that lead me to have sex. I'm not saying the survey isn't whack, but... why do YOU have sex?

(YOU being all of you.)

I wouldn't know...it has been a while...

[Ghoulish Delight]

I can say it in various ways but they all boil down to:

1. Because it is fun.

and very occasionally

2. Because I think I'll get something out of it.Can't you boil nearly every action anyone ever takes down to that?

Reason #238 - because I couldn't sleep.

[Alex]

No. With other actions I would also add:

3. Because it is fun for someone else (I've done many things simply because Lani wanted to but I don't think I've ever had sex when I wasn't expecting to enjoy it or get something out of it).

4. Because it is simply the right thing to do, even if it conflicts with my personal self interest.

And, much more frequently in the non-sex realm of activities, the previously mentioned "I was forced/manipulated into doing it."

[Ponine]

And my top would include some that Alex mentioned, and others..

3. Because it is fun for someone else, or what the other person wanted.

4. Because it is the right thing to do at the time.

3. Because it's the only way to achieve peace in a situation.

someone better get some small bills together for the group going out to poll the strippers.

[Ghoulish Delight]

No. With other actions I would also add:

3. Because it is fun for someone else (I've done many things simply because Lani wanted to but I don't think I've ever had sex when I wasn't expecting to enjoy it or get something out of it).

4. Because it is simply the right thing to do, even if it conflicts with my personal self interest.

And, much more frequently in the non-sex realm of activities, the previously mentioned "I was forced/manipulated into doing it."
But those could all be boiled down to be viewed as forms of #2. Hell, even #1 is a subset of #2.

[AllyOops!]

but... why do YOU have sex?

(YOU being all of you.)

It's my way of saying "thank you" for the free cocktail that the stranger across the bar sent my way.




(I'm totally kidding. :D :p )


For reals, It's my way of saying "I love you with all of my heart" to the one that I love. Also, it's the best way to get one's horny rocks off. :p

[Alex]

But those could all be boiled down to be viewed as forms of #2. Hell, even #1 is a subset of #2.

No, I don't agree, unless I am missing something.

[Ponine]

But those could all be boiled down to be viewed as forms of #2. Hell, even #1 is a subset of #2.

I suppose it depends how you want to view the sentance "get something out of it"

Because if you do it, someone else will be less stressed out,
or they will no longer be pissed at you for not 'putting out',
or Becuase they just want to?

esp the last one, what would I 'get out' of that?
I say nothing. You're there, they get thier rocks off, they leave you alone when they're done.
I think I am missing a piece of your thinking GD, please elaborate.

[Ghoulish Delight]

No, I don't agree, unless I am missing something.If you're playing reductionism, why not go all the way? "Because it's fun" simply means you get enjoyment out of it. "Because it is fun for someone else" means you get either the satisfaction of fulfilling someone else or perhaps you get peace and quiet (i.e. no nagging) out of it. Even if you do it "Because it's right", you get the satisfaction that you're doing something right.

Personally, I find that level of reductionism somewhat ridiculous, but don't particularly see how it's more ridiculous than collapsing 237 other slightly distinct reasons into just 2-4.

[innerSpaceman]

Everything we do is to affect the way we feel.

We don't do anything simply because it's "right," but rather because of the way doing what we consider "the right thing" makes us feel.

Same for everything else under the sun and moon. So Ghoulish Delight is completely correct ... everything can be reduced to that, once we start reductionism. Best not to start it at all, and deal with (in fact celebrate) the tiny differences that inform this world.

[Kevy Baby]

According to Freud, everything we do is because of sex.

[Alex]

Sorry, I still don't agree.

[Ponine]

Everything we do is to affect the way we feel.

We don't do anything simply because it's "right," but rather because of the way doing what we consider "the right thing" makes us feel.

Correct, but that doesn't mean its all making us feel good.

I'm trying not to internalize this conversation, and its difficult, but please ISM, is there a more fleshed out form of the second statement?

[blueerica]

I subscribe to the 'everyone is selfish, and that's not necessarily a bad thing' philosophy of life.

I have sex because I like to feel good.
I volunteer at homeless shelters because it makes me feel good.
I do my homework because I want to finish school, so I can get more later... and feel good.
I go to so-and-so's funeral because I would feel bad if I didn't - so therefore it makes me feel good, even when I'm feeling pain. The two emotions aren't mutually exclusive.

I don't think there's an unselfish thing I do in my day. Giving of yourself is selfish - and it's not a bad thing. I wish people would take that nasty connotation out of their minds and realize what a positive thing being selfish can be/ I is to realize that I do things, I help others because it helps me in some way, emotionally, physically and monetarily. Even when I'm being self-destructive, or someone is being destructive to me, I know that I stay because it fills an emotional component I believe I need at the moment (doesn't mean I actually require it, that it's right, or even that it's healthy...).

Transaction of emotion, might be a good - if not a bit cold - way to look at it.

So, maybe a way to connect it is even doing something like sex out of obligation is a way to feel good, if feeling good the opposite of feeling guilty, or the opposite of being haggled and good is the silence that comes when the nagging goes away.

I need to revisit the subject when I'm not so harried. I'm not even sure I'm making sense to myself.

[€uroMeinke]

According to Freud, everything we do is because of sex.


Eros & Thanatos - Don't forget the motivating power of death

[GusGus]

A word about the methodology:

I've taken psych classes - surveys are easier than experiments, psych students are the easiest to get (I'll do yours if you do mine), and sex is major subject on college students minds.

Also, the methods may be shoddy, but hey, they passed the class!