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View Full Version : To the man lurking in the shadows of that shady parking lot I walk by:


Eliza Hodgkins 1812
02-27-2005, 11:33 PM
Please don't ever do that again. You really scared the crap out of me. It was only 9:15 p.m. Far too early for lurking. You should still be at home hatching nefarious plots. You shouldn't be hiding in the spooky parking lot I walk by nearly every evening until long after midnight. I read that most crimes happen between the hours of 3 and 5 a.m. so, buddy, you were really, really early tonight, and as such, I was not expecting to be scared out of my wits by you. Thanks, a lot!

I don't usually walk anywhere without my walkman. Someone stole my new walkman from me on Friday when I stupidly left it sitting on a supermarket ATM machine. Two minutes later it had already been snatched away. The same evening I replaced it with the same walkman. $80. So if that is what you were after this evening, trust me when I say you would have had to have torn it from my cold, dead hands after killing me with whatever weapon you may have been carrying. No one is stealing my precious walkman from me ever, ever again.

And if what you were after was my money? Dude, I had $8 bucks on me. Just enough to get me a tall soy Chai latte from the ’Bucks and change. What could you have possibly bought with my 8 bucks? Two beers, maybe? A pack of smokes? A can of soda and some cheesy puffs? $8 hardly gets you a meal at McDonalds these days. Your take, for all your time and trouble, would not have been worth it.

Or maybe you were after my maidenhead? Buddy, that's LOOOOOONG gone. If it's virgins you're after, I suggest lurking in the spooky parking lots of Middle Earth where you probably couldn’t toss a rock without hitting a virtuous Elf princess or some beauty of Rohan. This here is Los Angeles, the Sodom and Gomorrah of the Unites States. I don’t even think virgins are born here anymore. And if it was just casual, tawdry sex you were after? Dude, no lurk and grab necessary. Just buy me a beer and tell me I smell of something nice, like honeysuckle, vanilla, or lily of the valley.

Not patchouli, though. I f**king hate patchouli.

What *were* you really doing lurking in that parking lot, anyway? Maybe you were just taking a leak, but if that were the case I’m pretty sure I would have seen the backs of your sneakers as you faced the wall, and not the front of your shoes as you stood their still and waiting for an innocent fawn to cross your wolfish path.

I thank the driver of whatever vehicle passed by us at that time, flooding the lot with light and alerting me to your presence. I actually started. You made me start! I felt rather than heard myself utter a quick “Jesus Christ” and then decided that I should probably run. A cop car was across the street, having just pulled over a driver. So I ran towards them and looked back to see you walking away from your hidey-hole. COWARD!

For some reason I didn’t bother the cops about you. After all, you really may have just been some dude in a dark space taking a pee, or talking to yourself, or communing with nature via a fleck of moss sprouting up from the concrete.

Whatever it is you were doing, whoever you are, just don’t do it again. I like feeling safe in my neighborhood, especially when it’s still as early as 9:15 p.m. I don’t want to feel pressured to carry around pepper spray or brass knuckles or throwing stars. I can’t afford to take classes in the sacred art of ninjitsu. So take a hike, pal. Find some other spooky parking lot to lurk in. I like my spooky parking lots lurker free.

Your friend who is concerned for your immortal soul (unless, of course, you really were just taking a leak),

Eliza Hodgkins 1812

wendybeth
02-27-2005, 11:49 PM
He wasn't peeing. If he was, the police would have been there on the spot, arresting his ass. At least in my town, they would. Murderers, rapists, serial killers go free whilst wall washers get busted and tossed in the can.

Eliza Hodgkins 1812
02-27-2005, 11:53 PM
He wasn't peeing. If he was, the police would have been there on the spot, arresting his ass. At least in my town, they would. Murderers, rapists, serial killers go free whilst wall washers get busted and tossed in the can.

LOL! Just your tax dollars being put to good use!

sleepyjeff
02-28-2005, 12:04 AM
He wasn't peeing. If he was, the police would have been there on the spot, arresting his ass. At least in my town, they would.

...and here I always thought Spokane smelled because of their hockey team ;)

<<<Spokane, WA - The Chiefs and Winter Hawks met for the third straight Friday and this Friday belonged to the Winter Hawks. Portland applied three second-period goals, exceptional penalty-killing and superior goaltending, in a dominating 4-0 victory over the Spokane Chiefs, in front 7,823 at the Spokane Arena. Portland goalie, Blake Grenier, made 30 saves on his way to his 12th career shutout, second as a Winter Hawk. Dan DaSilva led Portland’s offensive attack with a goal and an assist. The win puts Portland within a point of Everett and second place in the U.S. Division.<<<

:D

wendybeth
02-28-2005, 12:07 AM
Oh, shut up, you Vantuckster.

(That was painful).:rolleyes:

sleepyjeff
02-28-2005, 12:18 AM
Oh, shut up, you Vantuckster.



...but I live 5 miles south of Vantucky....you must be thinking of Jazzman :D

Bornieo: Fully Loaded
02-28-2005, 01:08 AM
$8 hardly gets you a meal at McDonalds these days.

Think Dollar menu! I can eat a whole week with the $8.

Betty
02-28-2005, 05:45 AM
Eliza - I'd give you more mojo if I could. Your posts are always so entertaining - even when they describe dark scary places.

Gemini Cricket
02-28-2005, 09:19 AM
What's with the creepy men observing EH1812?

Miss Hodgkins, do invest in a Rottweiler or some other sort of large guard dog.

SacTown Chronic
02-28-2005, 09:33 AM
He wasn't peeing. If he was, the police would have been there on the spot, arresting his ass. At least in my town, they would. Murderers, rapists, serial killers go free whilst wall washers get busted and tossed in the can.

I remember reading a book about a serial rapist in Spokane. I think it was called Son.

dsnylndmom
02-28-2005, 09:45 AM
Yet another highly entertaining post from Miss EH1812!! :snap:

wendybeth
02-28-2005, 11:43 AM
I remember reading a book about a serial rapist in Spokane. I think it was called Son.

Lord, yes- that would little Freddie Coe and family.

My best friend was murdered by a serial killer in 1978, and my brother's sis in law was killed by our latest, Robert Yates, several years ago. This town is like something out of a Stephen King novel. :rolleyes:

Eliza Hodgkins 1812
02-28-2005, 12:28 PM
Lord, yes- that would little Freddie Coe and family.

My best friend was murdered by a serial killer in 1978, and my brother's sis in law was killed by our latest, Robert Yates, several years ago. This town is like something out of a Stephen King novel. :rolleyes:

Oh, goodness!!!!! It is, it really is.

Also, I really do hope you know I can be a crass bag, and that I use humor to salve whatever is ailing. The guy could have been just an innocent bystander, or he could have been a real creep. The fact is, I was completely creeped out by him being there, so I make jokes - about serial killers, etc. - because that's how I handle the anxiety. Plus, I just tend to be that annoying person who will try and make a laugh out of anything. I'm pretty sure that's how my entire family deals with life. My gramps treats funerals like their family reunions.

Eliza Hodgkins 1812
02-28-2005, 12:31 PM
What's with the creepy men observing EH1812?

Miss Hodgkins, do invest in a Rottweiler or some other sort of large guard dog.

If only I had space for one. I'd love a dog. I've got this large resource in my head of names I want to give all the pets I plan on having someday.

If I don't get a dog eventually, I might just end up with kids called Creature Feature, Cafall, Pantalaimon, and Kitty Love Muppet. Poor kids!

Matterhorn Fan
02-28-2005, 09:33 PM
PantalaimonThis dog had better get along with Not Afraid's cat.

Unless you got the name somewhere other than where I recognize the name from, in which case, never mind.

sleepyjeff
02-28-2005, 11:11 PM
My best friend was murdered by a serial killer in 1978, and my brother's sis in law was killed by our latest, Robert Yates, several years ago. This town is like something out of a Stephen King novel. :rolleyes:

Yikes. I am so sorry(I here I am making jokes) :blush:

Cadaverous Pallor
02-28-2005, 11:38 PM
This dog had better get along with Not Afraid's cat.

Unless you got the name somewhere other than where I recognize the name from, in which case, never mind.You hit the nail on the head. (http://www.loungeoftomorrow.com/LoT/showthread.php?t=638)