When Movies Collide

[JWBear]

Mash two movies together and see what you get...

Gone With the Wind In Sixty Seconds
A southern belle must steal 50 cars in one night in order to save her ancestral home.

[Strangler Lewis]

The Breakfast Club at Tiffany's: A party girl, a new kid and other misfits find common ground while serving detention at New York's famed jewelry store.

[scaeagles]

Nightmare Before Christmas on Elm Street.

Santa is replaced by Freddy Kreuger and knifes all the kiddies to death.

[Andrew]

Groundhog Day of the Triffids. A weatherman must fight to save the Earth from ravenous man-eating plants until he gets it right. Co-stars Andie McDowell as the plant.

[Snowflake]

The Maltese Falcon and the Snowman

A former private dick Samuel Spade turns commie and sells secrets to the soviets.

[Strangler Lewis]

"Lassie Saved Hitler's Brain"

A young blonde boy and his plucky collie plot to rebuild the Reich.

[Andrew]

The Grapes of the Wrath of Khan. In the midst of the Great Depression, James T. Joad leads his family across the country searching for migrant work but is unexpectedly waylaid by a mysterious man in a white suit who speaks of "soft, Corinthian leather".

[JWBear]

In the Heat of the Dark Knight
A masked crime fighter from the big city gets no respect from the local police as he tracks down a maniacal criminal in a small southern town.

[Bornieo: Fully Loaded]

"Dirty Dancing with Wolves" -- Nobody puts Two-socks in a corner...

[scaeagles]

The Grapes of Wrath of Khan made me laugh hard. That was funny.

[Strangler Lewis]

"Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince of Tides"

Helped by a beautiful Jewish therapist and her magical pensieve, a young southern wizard comes to grips with what really happened to him as a boy.

[JWBear]

American Beauty and the Beast
Disney animated version of the classic tale of the mid-life crisis of a cursed prince with a sexual attraction to the underage friend of his teenage daughter.

[JWBear]

Three Men and a Baby Jane
Three carefree bachelors find their lives disrupted when they have to share their apartment with a deranged, murderous former child star.

[JWBear]

Thank God It's Friday the 13th
A group of high school kids are trapped in a disco and killed, one by one, by Donna Summer and the Commodores.

[Andrew]

Murder by Death of a Salesman.
Five famous literary detective characters and their sidekicks are invited to a bizarre mansion to solve an even stranger mystery: Who killed Willy Loman?

[Snowflake]

"Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince of Tides"

Helped by a beautiful Jewish therapist and her magical pensieve, a young southern wizard comes to grips with what really happened to him as a boy.


Okay, that was brilliant!

A challenge, can you work one in using Yentl?

[Snowflake]

Murder by Death of a Salesman.
Five famous literary detective characters and their sidekicks are invited to a bizarre mansion to solve an even stranger mystery: Who killed Willy Loman?

VAndrewM

[lashbear]

"Elvira: Mistress Of The Dark City"

A man struggles with memories of his past, including a vampish, large-breasted vegetarian Horror show hostess he cannot remember, in a nightmarish world with no sun and run by New England beings with telekinetic powers who seek the souls of humans, and who are prone to orgies after eating enchanted casseroles.

[LSPoorEeyorick]

American Beauty and the Beast
Struggling to come to terms with a suburban life that's anything but a fairy tale, a recently laid-off monster considers dallying with a comely young girl.

A View to Kill a Mockingbird
Dashing and deadly secret agent is shaken but not stirred when he is drawn into a fight against social injustices in a rural town. Can he track down the killer technology before it will lay waste to the local minorities? Will he prove himself to the spunky young daughter he never knew he had?

Big Trouble in Little Chinatown
A smart-mouthed truck driver is in over his head when he stumbles into the magical kung-fu underworld, which mystically controls the city's water supply. Aided by a femme fatale, her sister and her daugher, they must band together to reveal the dirty, dirty business of kung-fu irrigation.

Raging Bull Durham
A minor league baller can't control his rage on or off the diamond. Will a groupie's long slow kisses bring him into the light, or will he remain alone in the dark forever?

The Big Sleeping Beauty
Detective Prince Philip Marlowe discovers that the best way to wake up a distressed damsel is to put his lips together and blow.

Whatever Happened to Rosemary's Baby Jane?
A mentally unstable former child star makes a pact with the devil to secretly impregnate her crippled sister - who was a star in her own right before a tragic accident - as a revenge for their past indiscretions.

ETA: aw, JW beat me to ABatB! I should've typed mine one by one.

[Andrew]

And I was just starting on Big Trouble in Little Chinatown!

Recently discarded 'cause I couldn't make it work: Star Wars of the Roses

[LSPoorEeyorick]

There's Something About Mary Poppins
After years of wistful dreaming, still-geeky Michael Banks hires a private dick to track down the vivacious nanny he's been in love with since his childhood. But when the private dick falls for her certain supercalifragilisticexpialidociousness, the two men fight it out to determine whose spoonful of sugar will end up as her hair gel.

[SzczerbiakManiac]

The Rocky Horror Picture Show: Sylvester Stalone stars as a cross-dressing alien boxer who tries to make it big by sleeping with an innocent young couple who stumble into his pink-tiled gym in an attempt to escape the rain.

[lashbear]

Third Man On The Brokeback Mountain

A thrilling Love Story about three cowboys who fall in love while climbing the same mountain that killed their fathers.

An attraction based on this film is scheduled to be installed at the DLR later in the year. Get your fastpass now for the "Menage-a-horn Mountain Bobsleds"

[SzczerbiakManiac]

The Breakfast Fight Club: The thrilling story of
Sorry, the first rule of The Breakfast Fight Club is you do not talk about The Breakfast Fight Club while eating your eggs and bacon in the morning.

[Strangler Lewis]

Okay, that was brilliant!

A challenge, can you work one in using Yentl?

"Wait Yentl Dark"

Three thugs get more than they bargain for when they terrorize a beautiful blind Torah student.

[Snowflake]

"Wait Yentl Dark"

Three thugs get more than they bargain for when they terrorize a beautiful blind Torah student.

I bow to your greatness, O Mighty One! :snap:

[Gemini Cricket]

Dancer in the Dark Knight - Bjork visits Gotham

The Color Purple Rain - Celie discovers mascara and purifies herself in the waters of Lake Minnetonka

That Thing You Do the Right Thing - A Tom Hanks romp about a really annoying song and racism

Tootsie, Whistle, Plunk and Boom - A drag queen learns about instruments

Night of the Living Dead Man Walking - A nun counsels a zombie Death Row inmate

The Pride and Prejudice of the Yankees - Despite the opposition of an angry aunt, Lou Gehrig marries the wealthy Mr. Darcy

[Gemini Cricket]

The Empire Strikes Back to the Future - Darth Vader's mom has the hots for him

[SacTown Chronic]

The Grapes of the Wrath of Khan wins.


Lashbear's cowboy threesome fantasy takes honorable mention, I guess.

[Andrew]

The Grapes of the Wrath of Khan wins.
Yes!

Thank you, thank you.

[Alex]

Red Dawn Pollyanna
Saccharine blonde teenager kicks commie ass.

Iron Eagle vs. Shark
Too-stupid-to-live New Zealanders kick commie ass while wondering if they can get bit parts when Jemaine Clement films the next season of Flight of the Conchords.

The Russians Are Coming the Russians Are Coming to America
The exact same movie with any potential ambiguity removed from the title. Some theater goers thought they might be coming to Canada.

Rocky IV Weddings and a Funeral
Drago kills Hugh Grant and as revenge Sylvestor Stallone kicks commie ass.

One, Two, Three, Four Christmases
A Coca Cola executive in West Berlin is upset when his daughter intends to marry an East German communist. But he relents when he realizes it would be less annoying than Vince Vaughn.

The Spy Who Came in from the Cold Creek Manor
A British spy takes on one last mission. A suicide mission. That mission is to have Disney make a good suspense horror movie. He fails.

The Day the Earth Caught Fire Down Below
Rita Hayworth, Robert Mitchum, and Jack Lemmon single handedly infect every last person on the planet with gonorrhea.

No Way Out of Africa
In a surprise move, Kevin Costner settles the question of whether he or Robert Redford is the worst actor turned Academy Award-winning director by killing Redford in a plane crash. Oops, spoiler warning.

[Kevy Baby]

Forever Young Frankenstein

A 1939 test pilot inherits the castle of his grandfather, the famous Dr. Victor von Frankenstein and asks his pretty lab assistant named Inga to use him as a guinea pig for a cryogenics experiment. Young Frankenstein wants to be frozen for a year so that he doesn't have to watch his love go through a reanimation experiment. The next thing Victor knows is that he's appearing in a 1983 Taco video.

[Strangler Lewis]

The Grapes of the Wrath of Khan wins.


Lashbear's cowboy threesome fantasy takes honorable mention, I guess.

Thank you, Mr. Blackwell.

[second class citizen]

Mirthful glee soon turns ugly as tensions arise in the Karamazov family when Dmitri, a Russian backwoodsman steals one of his father's mistresses to bring home to his farm. His six jealous brothers soon learn that in order to obtain brides of their own they must don tightly colored Spandex trousers to win over their life mates.

[BarTopDancer]

For the twisted category...

Big Kids
When a boy wishes to be big at a magic wish machine, he wakes up the next morning as an amoral, HIV-positive skateboarder who sets out to deflower as many virgins as possible.

Where the Independence Day Takes You
A group of teen-age runaways try to survive in the streets of Los Angeles where they aliens whose goal is to invade and destroy the planet.

[Kevy Baby]

The Deep Throat

A pair of young vacationers are involved in a dangerous conflict with Harry Reems when they discover the woman's clitoris is a deadly wreck in Bermuda waters. Featuring extended underwater sequences and a look into the affairs of an actress who can't decide if she should celebrate or shun her past.

[second class citizen]

Truman, a circus' star clown affectionately known to his trapeze artist friends and lion tamer buddy as "Buttons", grows evermore suspicious that there is more to life than endless performances and elephant dung; but he soon learns that he's up against the odds of escape when he discovers the entire Big Top is under close circuit surveillance and his buddies are in on it, too, even the elephant.

Tagline: There's more to Life than Animal Dung.

[Ghoulish Delight]

A girl on the cusp of adulthood, unwilling to let go of her childhood fantasies and frightened of her ruthless stepfather. A small fairy-like insect, that is looking for a lost shadow, leads her to a mythical world of monsters and pirates.

Peter Pan's Labrynth

[Tom]

I woke up for about an hour during the night, and I came up with these. Forgive me for not including descriptions, but I think if you know the movies in question you’ll get them (though some tend a bit toward obscurity). I can provide descriptions on request.

Oh, Godather!
Star Wars Episode IV: A New Great White Hope
Sleeping Beauty and the Beast
The Lion King and I
In the Heat of the Night of the Living Dead
Don’t Look Who’s Talking Now
Mr. And Mrs. Smith Go to Washington
Home Alone in the Dark
Coming Home Alone
The Night of the Deer Hunter
Beethoven’s Fifth Element
To Have and Have Not Another Teen Movie
Murder, My Sweet Hereafter
The Quiet American Beauty
The Good, the Bad, and the Coyote Ugly
Dirty Harry and Tonto
Big Momma’s House of the Seven Gables
Big Momma’s House of Wax
Big Momma’s House of Sand and Fog
Bright Lights, Big City of Lost Children
The Dark Knight’s Tale
All That Jazz Singer
Eight Men In and Out
The Englishman Who Went Up a Hill But Came Down Brokeback Mountain
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Diary
Horton Hears Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf
Lord Love Howard the Duck
The Man Who Would Be the King and I
Thirteen Conversations About The Thing
The Sounder of Music
Gone, Baby, Gone in 60 Seconds
The Fish Called Wanda That Saved Pittsburgh

[Not Afraid]

The story of three different men in a Louisiana prison and their eventual excape and journey to Spain where they try and help a woman figure out why her lover has left her. A very complicated and confusing manner story that includes music by Tom Waits and Bernado Bonezzi.

Women on the Verge of a Nervous Breakdow By Law

A man seeks answers about life, death, and the existence of God as he plays chess against the Grim Reaper on one of the tiny specks of land in the Bering Sea.

The Seventh Seal Siland



A former Korean War POW, Don Quixote, is brainwashed by Communists into becoming a political assassin. But another former prisoner may know how to save him in this music version of a classic story.

The Man of La Manchaurian Candidate

[Not Afraid]

The story of a cynical, immature young man who is taught how to act like a grown-up by a little boy and girl as they face the challenge of the world's last frontier.

Walkabout a Boy

[Not Afraid]

A woman is murdered by a man pretending to be a dentist. Her niece moves into her house with her murderer husband who attempts to drive her mad by pulling a painful tooth (the wrong one) using enormous pliers.

Laughing Gaslight

[Ghoulish Delight]

Traveling across country to a children's beauty pageant, a family learns that they've elected to have their memories wiped so as to forget past loves.

Little Miss Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

[Not Afraid]

In 1968, a Czech doctor and puppeteer with an active sex life meets a woman who wants monogamy, and then the Soviet invasion further disrupts their lives. They escape the violence through a portal that leads literally into the head of the movie star, John Malkovich.

The Unbearable Lightness of Being John Malkovich

[Strangler Lewis]

Nuclear annihilation is all around us. You just have to look.

Dr. Strangelove Actually

[Not Afraid]

Two men, one a gentle but slow giant, try to make money by keeping an eye on aliens in Depression-era New York City. When aliens threaten to blow up the world, they try to save it and fulfill their dreams. Co-stars include a pug and a rabbit.

Of Mice and Men in Black

[Not Afraid]

James Bond rescues a heavily disfigured man who is mistreated while scraping a living as a side-show freak and takes him on a journey to hunt down and stop the world's most expensive assassin .

The Elephant Man with the Golden Gun

[LashStoat]

“A fabulously wealthy but little-known man endures a lifetime of credit-card fraud and identity theft”.

John Citizen Kane

“An orphan with terrible aunts for guardians, befriends a peach-colored alien grown from an egg he found one day.”

James and the Giant Peach Alien

“A romp about the lives of three Swahili drag queens that use a trader’s boat to navigate a treacherous river whilst dodging insults slung from fashion critics.”

Priscilla, The African Queen

[Kevy Baby]

A sculptor of wax figures for a frat house is horrified when his partner proposes killing a horse in order to piss off the dean. The dean enlists the help of the second frat to get the sculptor off campus. The sculptor is knocked out in the scuffle and left to "perish" among the high-jinks. He resurfaces many years later just before the homecoming parade to end all parades for all time.

Animal House of Wax

[second class citizen]

A serious writer's world is suddenly interrupted when a Martian spaceship crashes into the front of his house; while his mother takes it as an opportunity to write a Martian manifesto, finding herself a magnet for any manner of distressed aliens.

The War of the Worlds According to Garp

[LashStoat]

“The story of a deformed teenage boy that is too short to reach the controls of a KungFoo-themed pinball machine”.

Tommy Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

[LashStoat]

“A retired couple living on a lake are predicted to commit a murder/suicide, and prevented from doing so by a physic government agent that shoots blanks”.

Minority Report On Golden Pond

[bewitched]

A Little League baseball team of misfits and slackers sneaks away from their drunk coach in an attempt to acquire beer, attend a "cool" party and get laid for the first time. Things go hilariously awry when they get separated from their star pitcher and sole i.d. bearer.

Super Bad News Bears

[Kevy Baby]

The Greek muses incarnate themselves in the Bedford-Stuyvesant neighborhood of Brooklyn. One of them, incarnated as Mookie, encounters a pizza maker named Sal. With the help of Danny McGuire, a man Mookie had help build a Korean grocery forty years earlier, Sonny builds a huge disco roller rink.

Xanadu The Right Thing

[lashbear]

In which Bastian Balthazar Bux advises Disney that sequels are a VERY good thing !!


The Neverending Toy Story

[Boss Radio]

I wrote these for the Producers website a few years ago.
Finally, I can bring them out of retirement:

Beauty and the Beastmaster
A beautiful girl meets an action hero who has animal-like powers

Hannah and her Sister Act
NYU professor joins a group of soul singers posing as nuns

Jumpin’ Jack Flashdance
Dreadlocked cat burglar gives up her gig to follow her dreams of dancing in the big city

Beetlejews
Supernatural comedy about a haunted synagogue

Planet of the Abes[/B]
Sci Fi thriller about a future earth entirely populated by Abraham Lincolns

Goy Story
Alternate title of Passion of the Christ

The King and I, Robot
Elvis falls in love with the perfect woman, Ann-droid Margret

And even though it doesn't really work in this configuration...

JEWS
Blockbuster tale of a New England resort town devoured by a large family of ravenous hebrews the day after Yom Kippur