Wedding planning, and other stuff I don't know Thing 1 about... [Archive]

blueerica

10-12-2009, 08:00 PM

Okay, as I'm starting to put together thoughts on my wedding, I've come to realize that I need help. Lots of it. I've never thought about this stuff, and I've never really considered certain aspects. However, I realize that I have a lovely group of people that seem to know what to do about all sorts of things.

So yeah, I'm begging for help.

Question 1:

I have a family member, through marriage, who is a professional photographer. Do I ask him to be my photographer, or do I wait for him to offer? I was thinking "okay, we could pay for his travel and stay" but then I thought, is that the right thing to even do? As far as I know, I don't recall him doing wedding photography, though I know he's done wonderful portraits. I would love nothing more than to have his wonderful eye behind the camera that takes our pictures.

What say the LoT?

Gemini Cricket

10-12-2009, 08:06 PM

It depends. I know I've been asked to take pictures or videotape my friends' weddings and it wasn't much fun because I wanted to enjoy the wedding like everyone else. What I would do, since he is family, I would ask him to take the portrait pictures of the bride, groom, bride's maids etc early on and that's it. The get someone else to shoot the rest of the pics. Then again, some people like going to weddings when they have something to do.

Ghoulish Delight

10-12-2009, 08:18 PM

I'd go ahead and ask, but be clear that it's only if he feels comfortable. Stress that if he'd rather just enjoy your wedding or if he just doesn't have the experience doing that kind of photography that you're happy to explore other options, no requirement on his part.

bewitched

10-12-2009, 09:21 PM

Sure, ask her but I think the offer of travel expenses and the stay is a great idea. I have a friend who is a wedding photographer and every family member just assumes she'll take their pictures for nothing (not at all saying that's what you're doing). Some offer 1/2 her expenses and her hotel stay the night of the wedding, some offer nothing, some offer to pay her way...she always appreciates the ones who understand that doing the photos for free is the same as asking someone who owns a restaurant to do the catering for free or the like.

Strangler Lewis

10-12-2009, 09:57 PM

"We really love your portraits, and we were wondering if you did weddings and, if so, how much you'd charge to do ours."

Ghoulish Delight

10-12-2009, 10:07 PM

Agreed re: travel expenses and such. We had a friend do the flowers at our wedding. We paid for the materials and her hotel expenses and it worked out great.

Disneyphile

10-13-2009, 12:37 AM

Exactly what SL said:
"We really love your portraits, and we were wondering if you did weddings and, if so, how much you'd charge to do ours."

By the way, be prepared for the Crazy Train to roll through now and then. Everybody and their dogs will want a say in your wedding. The biggest piece of advice I ever give at the start of wedding planning is to always remember that it's YOUR day. Some people will get upset, but that's not your concern. (If you ever need to get rid of someone whining on the phone, blame the cat or some other "sudden" thing that you "must take care of immediately". ;) ) Make sure to take care of what you and J want, and it will all be perfect. :)

The other piece of advice is that realistically you only get two of the three options: cheap, quick, high-quality. Don't expect to get all three - you'll go nuts very quickly. ;)

So, anyway, have fun during one of the most amazing times in your life! The only thing that tops engagement is being married to your true love. Enjoy your reign of bridedom. :D

Alex

10-13-2009, 05:38 AM

Yes, feel free to ask but if photography is the person's job then treat is as a professional gig with the expectation that you'll pay for it just like they'd charge anybody else. If he offers less then great, but it is rude (in my opinion of course) to assume a family discount.

And that would include no only paying for his travel but normal fees for the photography. He won't be there having fun and celebrating your moment, he'll be there working.

3894

10-13-2009, 06:26 AM

I love with SL said.

Regarding photos:
You know I'm a great-aunt peering over the top of her spectacles. My gloved hands fold over the top of my cane. I say the bride and groom act as the hosts. Put guests first and foremost! No long period for photos between the end of the wedding and the beginning of the reception! If you want lots of photos, tell the photographer to do candids!

When do we talk about the clothes?

blueerica

10-13-2009, 08:12 AM

When do we talk about the clothes?

Hehehe, I'm gettin' there... I'm gettin' there! (I have been secretly starting to think about what to wear...)

Thank you everyone for the advice. I've been asked to "work" weddings, and never really considered what really is the best way to ask these sorts of things.

After thinking it out (and since the plan is to do the ceremony in Vegas), most of the packages come with a photographer, so I won't have him "work" during the wedding. However, I may ask if we could get some portraits, perhaps engagement photos, done separately - assuming the costs, of course.

Strangler Lewis

10-13-2009, 08:59 AM

I think 3894's right. If it were truly your day, you'd spend the reception under the table humping the cake and each other. Or some other act of total self-involvement. You wouldn't spend it working the room chatting with every guest, many of whom you would not even know.

Alex

10-13-2009, 09:12 AM

That's why we went and got married and only invited two people to sign the paperwork as witnesses.

It was all about us and having other people there would have ruined it.

But we seem to be in the minority on that.

--

blueerica, do what you want, but if things are going to be in Vegas do make at least one concession to your guests. Do not do it in July or August. We had friends get married there in late August. Being dressed for a wedding when it is 114 is just cruel.

Cadaverous Pallor

10-13-2009, 11:54 AM

As others have said, SL's advice is the best.

I don't know if it's advice free-for-all time, but I have one thing I tell everyone who is getting married.

If you do not want a larger wedding involving far-flung relatives you don't even know, or friends of your parents that you don't even know - do NOT invite them, even if your parents or grandparents say "just invite them, they won't come."

They WILL come, no matter the location or time of year. They WILL come and your party will not be your party anymore.

Invite people you want to see there - and no one else. If anyone asks or requests or wonders aloud about your choices, say "we're keeping it small." Period!

Alex

10-13-2009, 12:06 PM

That's true. Even at ours, it ended up being over attended by 50%.

3894

10-13-2009, 12:31 PM

They WILL come, no matter the location or time of year.

Wait. There goes my long-laid brainwashing of my daughters to have destination weddings at either Jackson Lake Lodge in the Grand Tetons or the Grand Californian Hotel at the DLR, their choice. Both are destinations carefully chosen for their appeal to our nuclear family and total lack of appeal to almost everyone else in the extended family.

Oh, bother.

Cadaverous Pallor

10-13-2009, 04:22 PM

Wait. There goes my long-laid brainwashing of my daughters to have destination weddings at either Jackson Lake Lodge in the Grand Tetons or the Grand Californian Hotel at the DLR, their choice. Both are destinations carefully chosen for their appeal to our nuclear family and total lack of appeal to almost everyone else in the extended family.

Oh, bother.I hope your tactic works. In our case, my back-east family decided it was a good time for a reunion in CA, and all of my in-laws' friends decided they hadn't all gotten together in a while.

I stick to my advice - if you don't want them there, just don't invite them, and say you're keeping the wedding small.

bewitched

10-13-2009, 06:12 PM

Soooo agree with CP. And don't fall for the "so and so's feelings will be hurt if you don't invite them" trap.

The Lovely Mrs. tod

10-13-2009, 06:53 PM

And do NOT get guilted into putting them in your wedding party. As in "gee, I'm sorry everyone's in long sleeves on this warm April day but we have to cover up my cousin's questionable tatoos and no, I wasn't going to ask her but my mother said I should because she's adopted and we don't want her think we're shunning her because she's not a blood relative."

Also beware the "you need to ask your brother-in-law to be an usher because he doesn't own a suit and they can't afford one but they can afford to rent the morning coat" trap while you're thinking about all this.

Now, as 3894 so subtly suggested...let's talk about clothes.

Not Afraid

10-13-2009, 09:30 PM

Have your wedding on Thursday, outside, in the middle of December in Yosemite. It is bliss and you won't get a big unruly crowd either. Oh, and have your honeymoon before your wedding, then get married, then have Honeymoon Part 2. You'll be fully rested by the time the day gets here. Also, don't have any formal attendants, just pull someone out your small crowd to stand up for your both. Last minute is best.

Strangler Lewis

10-14-2009, 07:11 AM

Moonliner

10-14-2009, 07:26 AM

BarTopDancer

10-14-2009, 08:08 AM

I suggest a bouncer to keep out the unwanted family members that your mom may or may not invite despite your wishes ;)

3894

10-14-2009, 09:22 AM

Hell, I'll come to that one. Send me an invite. :D

Prepare to fly your freak flag high, Moonie! We are Miracle Whip and we will not tone it down.

alphabassettgrrl

10-17-2009, 10:04 PM

Good luck! I don't know anything about wedding planning- we got married in Vegas.

Nephythys

10-23-2009, 12:00 PM

Planning a wedding is what drove us to consider Vegas and end up getting married at Disneyland.

Perfect day-wouldn't change a thing.

Deebs

10-23-2009, 01:10 PM

You're supercool and creative, E. It will be a beautiful wedding, I'm sure. I got married before I had a home computer. No iPod either, of course. When I think of all the time I spent rounding up the music ...!! I actually used the yellow pages to search for a photographer.

Enjoy your reign of bridedom. :D

Yes, do! It was fun being the bride. I only went to one bridal event, at Gump's in San Francisco. It inspired some delusions of grandeur, though it wasn't a complete waste. I had fun and entered some drawings for free honeymoons and the like. (Who wins those things?) It also gave me some ideas, because I felt like you -- I really didn't know a thing about wedding planning. I remember it seemed that the simpler the gown, the more expensive it was. I wanted to look like Jackie O, but yeah, that didn't happen. I never did find that perfect dress. It proved an impossible task to find it, but at least I didn't end up in a white version Glinda's dress.

http://i95.photobucket.com/albums/l126/jfrench1960/glinda.jpg

What I remember most about my wedding day is that my cheeks were aching from smiling so much.

bewitched

10-23-2009, 05:41 PM

You're supercool and creative, E. It will be a beautiful wedding, I'm sure. I got married before I had a home computer. No iPod either, of course. When I think of all the time I spent rounding up the music ...!! I actually used the yellow pages to search for a photographer.

Yes, do! It was fun being the bride. I only went to one bridal event, at Gump's in San Francisco. It inspired some delusions of grandeur, though it wasn't a complete waste. I had fun and entered some drawings for free honeymoons and the like. (Who wins those things?) It also gave me some ideas, because I felt like you -- I really didn't know a thing about wedding planning. I remember it seemed that the simpler the gown, the more expensive it was. I wanted to look like Jackie O, but yeah, that didn't happen. I never did find that perfect dress. It proved an impossible task to find it, but at least I didn't end up in a white version Glinda's dress.

http://i95.photobucket.com/albums/l126/jfrench1960/glinda.jpg

What I remember most about my wedding day is that my cheeks were aching from smiling so much.

It sounds like you had an awesome time and really discovered the fun in being a bride. :)