Dear Online Store,
When you say I should receive an email confirmation of my order within one hour, that email had better be there after three hours have passed. I've never ordered from you before and cannot access any record of my order, even on your website. Did I really buy anything? You're making me nervous. (And no, it didn't go into the spam folder; I checked that just in case.)

Sincerely,
Person who may not order from you ever again

Dear KatieSue-

If you wern't such a disorganized slob you would be able to find the missing CD's you've been looking for for the last two hours.

Sincerely,
A Concerned Friend

Dear Dumbass Commuters:

Please do not assume that just because the dumbass in front of you stopped at the freeway entrance meter light, even though the light was turned off, that you must as well. If the light is off, that means go. Thanks to the sheeplike stupidity of several dozen of you, it took 5 times as long to get onto the freeway than it should have.

Adding inslut to injury is the fact that today was the first day that the brand new second entrance lane, under construction for nearly a year, finally opened. What should have been the most effortless commute I've had in over a year instead made me late for work.

Idiots.

Sincerely,
Mr. Wheeler.

Dear MBC,

When I start beeping, that means my battery is running dangerously low and you should save your work.

Sincerely,
Your antiquated laptop.

PS: Sorry you weren't able to retrieve the updated story you had just spent the last 3 hours working on.



Argggggggghhhhhh!

Dear cable company:

My modem is dead. When I tell you I already re-set it, powered it off 6 ways from Sunday you should believe me. I do know what I am talking about.

Thank you

Dear Thank you,

Do you have a router as well as a modem? Probably a slim chance, but I've seen cases where a race condition will occur when the router and modem power up simultaneously.

DPR

Dear BTD,

Thank you for your inquiry. We value your continued support.

We will be happy to help you with your problem. Many problems can be solved by simply rebooting your modem. Please try this first and see if it corrects your issue. Let us know if we can be of further assistance.

Sincerely,
Customer support

(You forgot to add "Should it be necessary for a repairman to call at your residence, we will schedule the visit for between the hours of 8-5 PM, sometime next autumn." )

Ya. It was working just dandy until about a week ago then the router died (so said the cable company) so I bought a new one and everything works fine. Now I am trying to hook my TiVO up to my network and all heck broke loose, and while my network can aquire an address and I can get into my network wirelessly my modem is not showing any activity at all (and yes, it's on).

MBC, smack yourself upside the head for me :p

Dear Microsoft Word,

Thank you very much for including an auto-recovery feature.

Sincerely,
MBC