Steph, all you can do is say....."I will do my best" and then go from there.

I went to the dentist today, I am not losing a filling, but a tooth is crumbling, in desperate need of a root canal. Now I have to wait for my insurance to approve it. At least I know what is going on so I can deal with it.

I am also 75% finished with Nickolas's room!!!

Hooray! I have no idea what that means, but hooray!

Law schools are traditionally 3-year programs and the first years are called 1Ls and so forth. So now I'm a second-year student -- and 1/3 of the way through.

And Mousey Girl: I can't believe you have to get prior authorization for a root canal! Dang! I hope that comes through soon!

Well, technically, you don't have to wait for prior authorization, but it'll give you a better idea if and what your insurance will cover you. That being said, there's usually a nasty little disclaimer that says "This pre-auth doesn't mean this is what we'll pay, if at all... it's just an estimate."

Insurance is great if you have it, sucks to deal with anyway.. ;)

Ah. It's always been a moot point with me because mine maxes out at $1500/year and once you've done the root canal, buildup, and crown, you're guaranteed to be WELL beyond that, so it doesn't matter what percentage they cover.

My two recent root canals were covered except for a $20 co-pay apiece. I thought this was extremly generous for an insurance that doesn't seem to cover a whole lot.

So odd to have "good news" about a root canal (except for "its done" or "you don't need one").

The dentist said it could take up to 4-6 weeks. They offered to do a pulpectomy, but I declined. It hasn't been bothering me much at all. I just hope I can get it taken care of before I am officially fired, otherwise I won't have the insurance at all.

On a side note, I got Nick's furniture moved around and only have some minor things left to do. I was up all night folding laundry...I had forgotten I had a couch in the living room. That kid has a whole lot of clothes, no need for school shopping!!

OK, this may not be the place for this, but I didn't want to start a thread just for this. But I needed to vent a bit. Please don't read this post. It sucks.

I just found out yesterday that a friend committed suicide. Admittedly, he was not a close friend (since it was two weeks ago), but he was a friend none-the-less. He took care of the computers in our office; first when he worked for a large company, and then again later when he was on his own. Smart guy, friendly, but I could tell he carried a lot of anger (though I never saw it directly).

After his suicide, I found out that he had confessed to my boss that he felt this way (boss is not the first person I would want to rely on for emotional support, but at least he tried). Boss set him up with an appointment with a therapist on his nickle - not clear if he ever made or not though.

I guess his family had no idea about his thoughts. The only person that he told boss that kept him going was his Mom. I'm not sure what changed in the end - why Mom wasn't enough.

I guess his last couple of days were pretty ugly. As I heard it, he came home drunk and got into it with the neighbors. Police were called and he got violent. They had to Tazer him and beat him to subdue him, and he was arrested for resisting arrest.

Mom got him out on $50,000 bail (cost her $5,000 which she let him know pissed her off). When he came home, I guess he got into it with everyone at home. I guess that was the last straw for him as he went up to his room and hanged himself.

Stupid dumbshiit used a permanent solution for a temporary problem.

At first I was in shock. I was pretty useless for the rest of the day. But then later, I was pissed. What a selfish act. To hurt all those around you like he did.

I did a little digging around on the net (I was desparate for anything to find solace in) and found a board that he was a frequent poster on (not unlike this one - they even use vBulletin - but dedicated to a much different topic). Guess he butted heads with some and was known for his anger. But he had many friends. There was a tribute thread to him with pictures and people expressing their thoughts. One person must have made some pretty crappy comments as I saw one deleted post (text removed) a warning and then another post with the text deleted and I noticed that their title was "banned." Oh well. Sadly, this board had TWO tribute threads to members that had committed suicide within a day of each other.

I also saw that he designed a couple of web sites for a couple of hard-core metal bands. Each site a front page blurb about him.

I've been down the suicide road. Attempted (lamely) a couple of times in the earlier part of my life. I know the pain. I know the desire to find whatever it takes to make it go away. I know the hopelessness of KNOWING that things will never be better. It kills me to know that someone like him had to endure this to the point he did.

Why does this society allow people to get to this point? Of course I keep asking myself what I could have done to prevent this (as have my boss and coworker and I am sure just about everyone else in his life). But I know all too well that ultimately, free will reins. We can be there, offer our help, give our love, extend hope. But ultimately, the person has to want to live. Has to want to find a way out. It is a lot harder to fix things than to hide. Drugs, alcohol, destructive behavior, suicide - they are all the easier way out. But as with most things that are the easy way out - the end result sucks.

So, my friend is dead. There isn't a fvckin thing I can do about it. All I have left is my pain. Someday, I will forgive him for what he did. Today I cannot.