Dear Wendybeth,
I have found myself once again standing in the wrong line.
If you would be so kind as to complete my order for the assistant, and the corvette (red would be preferred), I would greatly appreciate it.
If you are unable to accomodate my request, please assist me in finding the correct line.

CJ

Dear Bicyclists,
Can you just decide if you're a pedestrian or a vehicle? Make up your mind and get off the sidewalk while I'm walking. And you don't give me enough room to get around you on the road while I'm driving. Use the bike lane, dorkus. And wear a helmet, butt cake.
Signed,
GC

Dear Mr. Sun,

Please go away.

Sincerely,

Way too hot in all of the wrong ways.

Dear people on the board I moderate:

You are not twelve years old. You know how to argue without calling someone a "puke" or a "f u c k i n g :p " and I have seen you do it. And if you DO call someone a "puke" or a "f u c k i n g :p " then don't piss and moan to me when somebody else calls you something equally distasteful.

Respectfully,
Annoyed Moderator



Dear high school,

I though I left you behind at the insurance company. Must you follow me everywhere I go?

Seriously, STOP FOLLOWING ME.
LSPE

Dear LoT,
One of my favorite words is f u c k.
Signed,
GC Potty Mouth

Dear Cellphone,
You keep telling me I have a voice mail and I really don't. Stop lying to me or I'll let Frodo eat you.
Signed,
One Cingular Sensation

Dear Captain Jack,

Due to serious mistake on your part, the line you've requested is no longer accepting applicants. I hope you enjoy your new breast implants and tummy tuck.

Sincerely,
God

cc// Wendybeth

Dear JW Bear,

Michael Fassbender, plays Azazeal in the BBC America show Hex.

More here

He's dreamy, especially for a fallen angel . Andrew got it right!

Sincerely,
KatieSue

Dear God,

I'm so glad you called. Its good to see you're still around. I'd heard rumors to the contrary of late.

I however must take issue with the breast implants. While I am appreciative of the thought, I think if you check my records that was NOT the part I had requested augmentation of.

Please advise.

PS, the tummy tuck looks great.

I thought you could just make a call...?