Don't let your mom brush your hair if she's just been in a fight with dad.

Don't listen to Kevy.

Want less than you can afford and you'll find physical contentment easy to maintain.

Most of the stuff you care about you probably care too much about. Scale it back and life will get simpler.

Toothpaste is not a good sexual lubricant.

When you have money spend it. When you don't have money stop spending it.

Humanity gets nothing right the first time. So keep that in mind when someone is trying to sell you something based on the fact that it is a really old idea.

Inculcate a mild personal taste for masochism and life is easier to take.

Butterflies don't taste good. Oddly, beetles do.

Love does not conquer all, love is not a good excuse for bad behavior, and it is pointless to say this because nobody ever believes it while in love.

Spandex is a privilege, not a right.

Take away others' vote on your self-esteem.

For any of our younger readers - participate in all the things you can in high school. You are NOT too cool and/or you ARE cool enough to try all out all kinds of things. Find out what you like and what you don't. This is one of the only time in your life you will have the chance to try many of them (due to time, money, availability, whatever)

All the clubs they have. sports, dances, electives - try every one that you can.

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Freshly ground pepper is so much better than the stuff that comes in a little can.

Toilet paper's like air, it's not all that big of a deal until you don't have any. So always have an extra roll out where people can find it. And hang it under if you have cats. That way when they play with it, it will just spin instead of unravel which might happen if you hang it over.

Bags from the Apple Store make good trash bags in your car. They're small, durable and can be rinsed out. I hang mine from my shift thingie.

Always know where your towel is.

When going to hide, know how to get there.
And how to get back.
And eat first.

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