Lemony Snicket, is that you????

As a teacher-type person and a mom, I think you have to let them deal with it for now. As long as nobody is being bodily harmed, they will figure it out, and will probably be best buddies again by the weekend.

This age is really tricky. The school where I worked was 4th-6th grade. This is when they start learning how to manipulate power over others to give themselves more status, and they start getting outright mean- the boys, but especially the girls. Remind your son that being nice is more important than being cool, hard as that is to understand, and that those nice friends are the ones he'll want to keep. You don't have to like everyone, but you do have to be nice to people. (Especially the mean ones, 'cause they HATE that! :evil: )

Not to be a downer here, but I know I would not have let my daughter go to a party she was not invited to or that I have not RSVP'd to. She's 8, though, and a girl, so maybe things work differently there.

I think it's rude to let him show up an hour before the party anyway (even if he had been invited), unless the mom called and asked him over early. Kids should not be the ones calling the shots, and especially older brothers whose job is not to invite people to his younger brothers party.

I read the OP late last night and then again this morning and am a little confused. Obviously Blake did not want to invite Nick to the party for whatever reason kids do this sort of thing. Just because the older brother said it was ok I would have at least called the other Mom first to make sure it really was ok. I know my daughter and her friends make all sorts of plans and extend invitations for things without asking the adults. I always call the other parent first to make sure we're all on the same page.

And I was also not clear on why he went to the party an hour ahead of time either. I know I'm never ready for the guests until right before the scheduled start time - an hour before I'm going crazy trying to do all the last minute things. Maybe the Mom was busy and didn't know what was going on between the boys?

The thing about not getting an invite~

if these are kids who have grown up together, been friends for a while, RSVP is a bit much. I mean, if it were a child that were unfamiliar, that I would have called for. I can understand wanting to teach kids about the proper way to handle invites BUT these kids sound really close, not just classmates.

About being there an hour early~

I agree, I am not ready an hour early BUT my kids always are. They aren't the ones setting up the party. They usually have their friends hang out in the room before/after the party playing video games because during the party they can't go hang out in the room. That I consider rude. When the party starts {if it is in fact a structured party} everyone is out where the party is happening. So, being there an hour early isn't rude to me.

My older son, just graduated, has friends very close like I think are being discussed here. They've dropped by, eaten with us at a moments notice, gone on vacation with us, etc. etc. I don't think these are casual friends that she is discussing.

I hope it is working out.

These boys have been very close. There are a total of 6 boys that are always together, after school and on weekends. They are usually at my house. On the day of the party Nick was bike riding with Trent and 2 others. They had gone by Trent & Blake's house because Trent needed to get a Game Boy game and come back to my house. That was when Nick was told not to return.

I had already decided to talk to Nick about not going since he didn't have an official invite. He came home in tears before I could talk to him.

As a parent you hate to see your child hurting. As a non parent you hate to see any child hurting. I just needed some reminding to let the boys work it out on their own. I thank everyone for their input. :)

I agree with GD...should just let it go. Besides, I have noticed that kids can get quite stressed on their birthdays and sometimes act not so nice as a result.

It's damned hard, isn't it? I know the best thing to do is back off and only intervene when blood is spilled, but it's easier said than done. I'm usually the one who wants to do the bloodletting. Kids can be such vicious little ****s.