A deaf mute walks into pharmacy to buy condoms. He has difficulty communicating with the pharmacist and cannot see condoms on the shelf.

Frustrated, the deaf mute finally unzips his pants, places his dick on the counter and puts down a five dollar bill next to it.

The pharmacist unzips his pants, does the same as the deaf mute, then picks up both bills and stuffs them in his pocket. Exasperated, the deaf mute begins to curse the pharmacist wildly in sign language.

"Look," the pharmacist says, "if you can't afford to lose, you shouldn't bet."

For my friend, scaeagles. :)

One night, G.W. Bush was awakened by George Washington's ghost.
Bush saw him and asked, "George, what is the best thing I could do to
help the country?"

"Set an honest and honorable example, just as I did," advised George.

The next night, the ghost of Thomas Jefferson moved through the dark
bedroom. "Tom, what is the best thing I could do to help the country?" Bush asked.

"Cut taxes and reduce the size of government," advised Tom.

Bush didn't sleep well the next night, and saw yet another figure
moving in the shadows. It was Abraham Lincoln's ghost.

"Abe, what is the best thing I could do for the country?" Bush asked.

"Go to the theater," replied Abe.

A carrot and a banana are walking down the street together. The carrot keeps hopping from the curb to the street to the curb to the street. The banana warns his friend "You shouldn't do that, it's dangerous". The carrot pays no attention, just keeps jumping back and forth. Eventually tragedy strikes: the carrot is hit by a car.

The paramedics arrive and rush the carrot to the hospital where the carrot is rushed into emergency surgery. The banana paces in the waiting room until finally the doctor appears.

"Well, I have good news and bad news about your friend" the doctor says. "The good news is he is going to live. The bad news is that he is going to be a vegetable for the rest of his life."




Hey, who threw that?!?!

MBC - I'll take that to mean you really like Dick Cheney and hope he's President someday. :)

Yep, you nailed it. :)

What goes:

"clip clop, clip clop, clip clop, BANG, clip clop, clip clop, clip clop"?

Q: When do you know that your date with a pilot is half-over?
A: When he goes, "Okay, enough about me. Now let's talk about airplanes."

A guy came into a bar one day and said to the barman "Give me six double vodkas."

The barman says "Wow! you must have had one hell of a day."

"Yes, I've just found out my older brother is gay."

The next day the same guy came into the bar and asked for the same drinks. When the bartender asked what the problem was today the answer came back, "I've just found out that my younger brother is gay too!"

On the third day the guy came into the bar and ordered another six double vodkas.

The bartender said "Jesus! Doesn't anybody in your family like women?"

"Yeah, my wife..."

Another guy walks into the same bar (this is one very amused and hard-working bartender!). Orders up five shots of whiskey and downs them one after the other.

"What's the occassion?" asks the bartender.

"My first blowjob."

"Well then, let me pour you one more shot - on the house."

"Nah," replies the man. "If the first five didn't kill the taste, nothing will."

How does every racist joke start?


;)