wow, you guys think about this stuff way more than I do. the ones I write, they come out....blah blah blah.....try to make it make sense, blah blah blah. at the end, if I read it and like it....*click* post.

I liked this one. couldnt tell you how to make it better. thats all subjective anyway (IMO).
best advice, write what you feel. say it out loud...if it hits where you want....its a winner.

:cool:

I like it....kinda made me horny.

Well, sometimes there really isn't anything better. Then you basically decide whether this poem is worth keeping even if you can't get it perfect. Sometimes I write something and little things don't work and I realize it's actually all crap. As it is, it's worth keeping, that's for usre.

As for what I'd put there...I have to put a disclaimer here, in that I think plugging in my own idea probably won't work too well, but you asked.

When I'm stuck for a line I brainstorm it out - what can I say here, in general terms?
- I didn't like the others anyway
- I like you better than them
I'm thinking something like "their loss I do not mourn."

Last lines are always hard - don't be so rough on yourself. There are many ways you can take it:
- Lonely is always there under it all
- I like lonely better after all
- "warmth and company" aren't all they're cracked up to be
- "warmth and company" aren't reality, Lonely is.
etc etc.

I've always said I only write poems when I'm depressed or conflicted. If you were prolific during your teen years, join the club! Doesn't matter if that poetry sucked - I know mine mostly did - what matters is that you have the ability somewhat, and your poetry today will be much better - guaranteed. Just the larger world view that you have today will help you tremendously. I suggest unleashing that side of yourself. Don't hold back! :)

Darling, you will DIE horney! :evil:

ah, but the question being....can you die FROM it?

At last, my life's work has been fulfilled. :p

Let's hope not, or I'll soon be a widow...:eek:

CP, those are all great suggestions/ideas. I'm not really "using' the poem for anything, so I suppose I'll just leave it, but those tips will definitely help me next time. I can almost guarantee that my teen poetry was awful-er than yours. I have no way to prove it, as those got thrown out long ago. :P