I can make my nose squish flat, all the cartilage is broken.

Back off, she's mine! Unless of course you want the both of us...:evil: :p

I can do the following accents:
Scottish
Irish
British
Cockney
German
Italian
Portuguese
Chinese
Japanese
Jewish
Southern
Texan
Minnesotan
Bahstan
New York
Pidgin Hawaiian
Korean
Australian
French
Swedish
Mexican
Spanish
and others.

But you'll have to take my word for it. I can't do it on demand, it makes me nervous.
:D

I can imitate several different birds.

I once recited the entire screenplay from 'Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom' from beginning to end with my ex while building a house in Mammoth. Don't ask me why.
:)

Eh, leave it for iSm. Give him something to do around here.:D

I do a really good East Indian accent. Worked with some for a while.

I can install and configure one mean storage area network.

I can access my home computer from the office, thus thwarting the evil IT trolls who forbade me to bring my laptop to work.

Excellent. :)