I don't love the story. I do like that you showed your readers the emotion and didn't tell your readers the emotion.

I'd probably think about suicide if I lived in South Dakota, too.

And to be honest, I'm not sure how I feel about it either. I wrote it simply to write, something I'm trying to do as much as possible these days. And when I find something that I don't consider absolutely awful (which is somewhat rare), I like to share it in the hopes that I'll get some feedback. This certainly didn't disappoint in that respect, and I appreciate the comments, both good and bad. If I didn't want any criticism, I wouldn't have posted it.

Without going into too much detail about why I wrote what I did, I will comment that I don't happen to find suicide all that romantic either, and have pretty strong feelings against it. The character in the story, however, saw things differently.

I have to add to the chorus and ask you directly - Do you really think that no one finds Romeo and Juliet romantic? Heart-breakingly so, of course, but still romantic?

How is this more real life than "The Notebook"?

I suppose you also hate West Side Story?

I think she was talking specifically about the old people dying together idea, not the suicide one (which she may not find romantic either in fiction or real life). Nobody commits suicide in The Notebook.

So if it's romantic in The Notebook, why not in MBC's story? Neither are "IRL" -- so, and not to stifle your criticism, but ... huh??

As for myself ... aside from finding it a wee bit treackly and the wording a touch too florid for its own good here and there ... it was a very moving tale evocatively told.


To which I add, quite sincerely ... bravo.

No one committed suicide in the Notebook- they were so in sync with each other that they died together- that was romantic.

I have never thought of Romeo and Juliet as romantic- no matter the version. In fact I find it a study in really bad communications. I did not say no one finds it romantic- but I do not.

I love West Side Story- for the music. The story is also well done, though I will point out no one committed suicide in that movie either.

I respect what MBC said though- he is not enamored of the idea of suicide being romantic either- but sometimes your writing and characters go places you may not normally venture.

What's romantic is the notion that one can't live without the other. I don't look at this story, or Romeo and Juliet, and think, "how romantic that they committed suicide," but rather "how romantic that they love each other so much that one can't live without the other." In reality, this can be extremely NOT romantic (twisted versions end up as murder-suicides). But this is fiction, and one of the things I look to fiction to do is bring forth an emotion.

For this particular story, it's not a new concept, but what I did like was the ambiguity in the man's intent. It's not clear how conscious he is that he *is* committing suicide. And if he's not conscious, is that because of the whiskey or because of toll three lonely years have taken on his mind?

And, to be honest, everything I write goes places I don't normally venture because I'm admittedly very green. I'm just taking little nibbles on various subject matter to see what I can bring out of myself.

In this case, the idea presented itself after a lengthy conversation I had with a dear friend who lost his father a year ago. His mom hasn't been able to come to grips with the loss and tells her son that every night when she goes to sleep, she hopes she doesn't wake up. I watched my father go through his own grieving process which was lengthy and very sad.

I thought about Valentine's Day being one of those holidays (like Mother's Day) that everyone adores until the person you show affection to on those days is no longer here. From that point on, it becomes a day that you dread like the plague.

Lastly, one of the things I've yet to get out of my mind is how happy my roommate seemed on the day he chose to take his life. How sad it would be, feeling so much pain that the prospect of today being your last is what makes you happiest, something to celebrate.

Again, I appreciate everyone's comments.

Hmmm - I thought you were taking on Tracilicious' challenge of the power of Love versus the power of Loss and thought you did a crafty job of piecing the two together