I'd go upstairs and say " Oooh Davis! Go bake yourself a cake cause you're turning up the heat! "

....but that's just me :)

Personally, while the sex isn't going to stop, it's up to you if you will allow/encourage it in your house to begin with. Why is he allowed in his bedroom with a girl with the door closed? Teens will be teens. They still need guidance and they will sneak around do to what they will - but do you really want to encourage him?

Leave a box of condoms on his bed. That way he knows you know and he has no excuse to not use protection.

Yikes! This is a tough one. Without knowing how old he is, I am operating on the assumption that he's of legal age. As such, he has the right to engage in such activities, but he also has the obligation to abide by your house rules so long as he lives there. If he is discreet it might not be a problem, but it sounds like they are.....well....not being so discreet, and that makes others uncomfortable. If they don't realize how loud they are being, chances are they'll be mortified, but if they do and they don't care, then it's your house and your rules- break out the tape recorder!

17

heh- I need a laugh after all this- thanks :)

I don't see how I am encouraging him by not going up and causing a fight. I chose to approach it quietly after she was gone. He was mortified- and said it would NOT happen again. If it does- I step up my level of intervention.

We did discuss condoms and birth control- he knows I know. He knows we heard. He knows I am unhappy and he knows one of my biggest issues is the message it sends his sister and brothers. Thankfully they were out of the house and did not know-

He is 17- in CO both of them are legal. Even when he turns 18 they are still age of consent (oh yeah, I checked)

When I told him flat out that we had to talk about his noisy sex he tried to play dumb- when I told him we had heard most of it he was totally embarrassed.

I guess at this point if it happens again when I or R or the other kids are in the house- I will intervene in a more abrasive manner. For now keeping peace while letting him know it was NOT ok was the best start.

I got almost no sleep- my brain is going a million miles an hour.

Luckily no drugs or alcohol- parole will likely keep it that way and then I will after that. (as best I can)

I know he is going to make his choices- and I know I had to let him know I know. I am not going to allow him to think I am oblivious to it- that's for certain.

Not telling anyone how to handle their own kids, just what we do. Our daughters are 15 and 17.

These be the rules for how they behave in our house, no exceptions:
1. No boys in bedrooms, doors open or closed. You invite a boy over, you entertain him in the "public" spaces of our house where someone could walk in on you at any time - living room, family room, kitchen, garden.
2. No boys in the house if mom or dad isn't home.

I am having an internal battle with myself- would I do this differently if it was Rose?

I think I have to say yes- and then examine why.

If it had been Rose I bet I would have walked in on them- but did not when it is my son. I know my main motivation was not to cause a scene and be able to discuss it without a fight- but I also suspect that our volatile history has alot to do with it. I do not want conflict- but I also do not want him to walk all over me.

*sigh* my head hurts-

I am trying to go into this as calmly as I can. In the old days I would have stormed in guns blazing- which was never to my benefit and did not encourage him to cooperate. I suspect we have to have another talk-and establish a few more guidelines of respect in the house.

* His door stays open and or unlocked when she comes over and the family (any of us) are in the house. His privacy is subject to being invaded at any time- and should it be otherwise or he violates his word that it won't happen again then he can count on people barging in.

*Should this continue in a manner that disrupts the household then she either can not come over (which I do not want to do) or I take other action- like removing his door completely, or talking to her parents.

I was in shock- and stunned yesterday. I am trying to handle it calmly for all our benefit.

I also have to question how I would have handled it if it had been Rose- and if I am being honest I would say I would have done it differently.

Davis is a test subject being the oldest- even now I am still learning.

*sigh*

Listen, we're all learning all the time. You are setting the limits you're comfortable with in your home.

People do tell me that kids do appreciate all we do, once they're in their 20s. It does get better ... or so they say.

Hang in there, Nephythys.

I think that the first born is almost always a test run....and we make the most "mistakes" with them .... having said that it sounds like you're going at this in a manner that is most comfortable for you and only you know Davis well enough to know which approach is going to be effective. I agree that you won't stop the sex but you can at least set the guidelines for what you will accept/allow to happen in your home.

...and that is the conclusion I finally came to after many *headdesk* moments and a little sleep-