Here are a few possibilities

"Dear America, Welcome to Dumpsville. Population you."

"I can't believe I ate the whole thing."

Still I think the most likely will be this...

"This is George. He lived in Africa." What will follow is a word for word plagerization of Curious George.

People say I was the life of the party because I told a joke or two.

"I'm living proof that a C student can become the greatest deciderer in the world".

Once upon a time...

A long time ago these old guys thought it was a good idea to give people rights and freedoms. I fixeded that problem gud.

Well Jeb, let's see you git yourself elected prez after that heh heh! I'm dad's favorite.

"It was a dark and stormy night..."

"On each page, colors have been suggested, but be creative! You don't have to stay within the lines if you don't want to!"

I'm King of the World!

"I still wonder what that red button does..."