Lounge of Tomorrow - The Hell Thread

It's the place I fear most. Eternal damnation.

I'm going to just keep typing and not let myself reread and re-edit otherwise I'll stop myself!

I'm a practicing Catholic. I want to be the best person that I can be, although I know I fall so short of that. However..I kinda suffer from lots of guilt. So much so that it worries my Mom & Dad. Ever since I was a little girl, I had a fear of doing wrong. Failing. Punishment. I push myself until I ultimately self-destruct. At least that's what people tell me. I never seem to see it quite that crystal clearly.

I believe in a forgiving, loving and benevolent God. I believe EVERY single person is given the chance to atone for their wrong doings. I don't believe that one dies, and then goes plummeting toward a fiery future of brimstone. I honestly and truly see Heaven as a place so full of life. Love. People. And hell? Very..underpopulated.

Why I think that I'm the exception..is well, beyond me. I'm never good enough, or perfect enough in my eyes. And yet, the irony is that I know nobody is perfect except for God.

My Dad was so worried about me that he sat down and talked with his Priest. He shared with him that "My daughter is always afraid of doing the wrong thing and going to hell. How can I help her?"

The Priest told him, "If she stops sinning, God & I are out of a job."

It made me laugh, and made me feel much better.

Still, I punish myself. I'm not sure why, or how...and to be honest, I feel like I'm already exposing too much of myself and my fears. I'm a pretty guarded girl. I don't let that wall down too easily.

I just drive myself to the point of falling apart. I have to be the very best person I can be. I'm scared that if I'm not, I'll go to hell. Utter abandonment. Nobody will love me. I can't believe I just..admitted that.

Sometimes, feeling this way is..hell in itself. :(