I prefer sketched butter

I like fresh Brussels sprouts - getting them anywhere but off a stalk is teh yux.

I don't know why, but I feel like this post belongs in this thread.

My 85 year old aunt thinks I should shave my beard. Why? Well, if I weren't such a good looking young man, she says, she'd understand the beard. But since I am, she doesn't see the point. Apparently the only reason to have a beard is to mask one's hideousness.

"Happiness is seeing someone fatter than myself on the street."
-my mother, who was not fat

Ah yes, solid values learned at my mother's knee.

But being the ugly friend is the only reason I ever get to go to cool parties!

Perhaps we might work out an arrangement to our mutual advantage. Here's what I'm thinking: we stand next to each other at some cool party. You make me look prettier and I make you look younger. We have a deal?

Sure, but who do we befriend to get invited in the first place?

I also provide thinning services for weddings, mat mitzvahs, and NBA victory riots.

The link didn't work for me.

It's not there anymore, but here you go.

OR - to mask one's homosexuality.




I used to sport a mustache to detract a bit from my overlarge jewboy nose.