"Popular" Rewrite for Kristin Chenoweth
Lyric Rewrite by Allen Kendall and Sharon Wheatley, Music by Stephen Schwartz

Whenever I meet someone who's in the public eye,
And let's face it, Mr. Weiner, you're in the public eye,
My tender heart tends to start to bleed.
But may I suggest a makeover?
I simply need to take over.
You know I know exactly what you need.

Can't you see it in my face?
You are the toughest case I've yet to face.
Don't worry, Carlos Danger is no more.
He's out the door.
And now for sure you will be...

Popular
The right kind of popular.
I'll teach you to zip your fly,
You won't be that guy
With a camera down his pants - ugh! -
I'll teach you what tweets to tweet,
Something clean and sweet
We'll make sure you get the chance to be...

Popular
The right kind of popular.
They'll think you've become a monk,
Though they've seen your junk
Now you'll play a different show
So let's start,
'Cause you've got an awfully long way to go.

Please pay attention to my frank analysis,
Think of it as social media dialysis,
Now that you're running, I'll become your pal,
A sister and advisor
You need someone wiser
Someone to make you

Popular
The right kind of popular
There'll be no more sexy texts
With your biceps flexed
Your roaming eye will roam no more.
You wanna be the Mayor? Stop actin' like a big ol' whore.

La-la-la-la
We'll try to make you popular.

Think about your dear wife, Huma...
Hope she's got a sense of humor
She should take a page from Hillary
And become
Independent of her hubby
While you sport a chat room chubby
With all her brains and knowledge
She should be free

To be popular.
Please! I know she'd be popular
The voters want leadership
Not some sexting drip
There's no question she would be
Very, very popular like me.

KRISTIN (spoken): Seriously, Huma, woman to woman, if that guy doesn't zip up and unplug, kick him to the curb. And to Anthony Carlos Danger Weiner (or whatever your name is):

As you may have guessed
My disinterest
In you running NYC
Don't know if I can bear it,
Your porno popularity.

La la la...
Sure, you're popular
Just not quite as popular as me.