Job 1:

QUIET! The noise in here is unacceptable.

Who needs help?

If you're ready to check out you may line up.

Card please.

You don't have your card. Why are you in line? SIT DOWN and wait until you get your card to line up.

Where's your library book? You know the three places rule? Yes, in your hands, in your backpack, in your desk at school. If you know it so well, why don't you follow it? Pretend your book is stuck to your hands until you put it in your backpack, ok? Bring it tomorrow.

Job 2:

Sorry sir, you have to pay your full fine before you can use the internet. Yes, even if it's 25 cents. It's the way the computer program works, it won't let you log in until you pay. Yes, I know, it's just 25 cents.

You've already renewed this book, you need to return it for me to stop the fine. No, you can't use the internet until this is settled.

The tax forms are in the copy room. Yes, with the sign on it.

Bathroom? Turn left at the large orange hanging from the ceiling.

This card is no good.....looks like this was the card you lost, and you replaced it. You lost the new card?

Do you have ID with a current address? Ok great....(looks at ID) So you're on Oak Street? No, you've moved? See, that's why I asked for an ID with a current address (YOU GODDAMNED MORON).

All we require is a proof of your current address. You still get mail at this address? But you don't live there anymore? You want me to mail this to your parents? (what are you, 35?) Don't you have anything with your address on it?

The stuff I say at home I will not post here due to intense mushiness. :) But rest assured there's plenty of repeated mentions of my love for GD.

CP... I feel the phrases you say on a daily basis.

Hmmm...

Tie between:
"Where's my money bitch?"
"Money's on the dresser, chocolate."

Seriously:

"Ah, $hit!"
"Goddamn it!"
"WTF?"
"HAAAAAHAHAHAAAHHAAAAAAA!"

I don't talk much...

"How can you be hungry, you just ate dinner, and you're going to bed in 10 mins!!" This is another everyday saying.