Here's a lame one .......
 

Why did Michael Jackson go to KMart ?

A guy goes into a bar, orders twelve shots and starts drinking them as fast as he can.
The bartender says, "Dang, why are you drinking so fast?"

The guy says, "You would be drinking fast if you had what I had."

The bartender says, "What do you have?"




Ok, this next one is slightly tasteless so I'll spoiler the whole thing. I hope it doesn't offend anyone.

Ask and you shall receive...


So this city guy moves out to rural Montana to get away from it all. And two days after his arrival, his neighbor shows up at the front door. Total outdoors-man, cow-punching looking dude. He waits a beat and says, "So ah reckin there should be a welcome to the nayberhood git together for ya."

The city guy is delighted, as he didn't quite know how he would fit in.

His new neighbor continues "But I gotta warn ya, there's gonna be some heavy drinking." "Thats fine with me in-fact I enjoy a good whiskey" says the new arrival." "There's probably gonna be some fighting and fvckin as well." the neighbor added.

"Hey no, it's fine thats why I came out here - to cut loose! What should I wear?"

"Don't rightly matter," says the cowpuncher, "just gonna be the two of us."

A woman sees a funeral procession: a hearse followed by a woman in black walking a dog, followed by another hearse with a long line of women following the second hearse. She asks the woman in black what's going on.

The woman tells her: That's my husband in the hearse in front. His mistress is in the hearse back there. My dog killed them both.

The first woman asks: Can I borrow your dog?

The widow replies: Get in line.

2 men walk into a bar,

Two atoms are walking down the street.

First atom: "Damn, I lost and electron!"
Second atom: "Are you sure?"
First atom: "Yes, I'm positive."

And a totally tasteless knock knock joke:

A papa tomato, and mama tomato, and a baby tomato were walking down the street.
The baby tomato falls behind, so the papa tomato goes back and stomps on the baby tomato and says..."ketchup!!"

are you all from the same team?

Lol- I got LOTS of blonde jokes- people feel strangely compelled to tell them to me.:rolleyes: