Brilliant! - I envison an army Swank Samari, nowwork this into my hedon theory...

I've been pondering all morning and into the afternoon.

These events bring out the worst in me and I vacillate between hiding the unflattering thoughts deep down where no one will see them but they fester and breed, or shining the bright light of exposure on them so that hopefully they will, like a nest of cockroaches, flee into the night.

Today I sided with the cockroach approach. Which means that I'm going to say the things I don't like to admit that I sometimes think. The things that are hurtful and offensive and that I don't WANT to think. And it's selfish of me to even say them, because it's for my own benefit -- to confront the cockroach thoughts in public in the hopes that I can see them for what they are and banish them with mental Raid.

For example:

As I stood in the shower this morning, I found myself thinking that internment camps sounded like a good idea. Not that I actually in my rational brain think that this is good. Or even in my usual empathetic "let's all hug a tree and then go embrace our neighbors' differences" brain. But the deep down reptilian part of my brain said "F*ck 'em all. They're not like me, they don't like me, they never will like me or be like me, they want to eliminate me and everything I hold dear, and they'd be lucky to end up in Gitmo instead of dead at my feet."

And I hate those thoughts. And I hate myself for thinking those thoughts. And I hate people that encourage me to think those thoughts.

It's a frustration for me. Like many flag-wrapped Americans, I, too, want to know where the condemnation is on the part of mainstream Muslims. I watched the 30 days episode with a redneck southerner livining 30 days as a Muslim. I heard the one man say that he won't apologize for what a handful of Muslims do because he's not responsible for their actions. But the voice in my head responded: "And yet you want to hold me responsible for the Crusades, which happened hundreds of years before my birth?"

Because part of me does believe that average, run-of-the-mill Muslims give an internal cheer for terrorist acts. Not a rational part, but a part nonetheless. Part of me does look at passers-by with suspicion and the nagging thought that they probably do want to exterminate me and impose their religious laws on my country. Part of me suspects that those people I see in the hallway at work every day are really more loyal to their ethnic homeland than to the USA, and that if push came to shove they'd shout "Death to America!" with the rest.

And it's not fair to the people around me. What, exactly, would it take for me to believe that they weren't terrorist sympathizers? A full page NY Times ad? Sousa marches on their car stereos? "USA!" chants at ball games? An H2 in every driveway?

I have the benefit of looking back on the Japanese internment camps as part of history and knowing that it was the wrong action to take. Of knowing that those Japanese-American families were not secretly rooting for the Emperor and hoping for a US defeat. Of seeing the horrible photos of families leaving houses they once owned, leaving lives they'd earned, and living as prisoners of war in their own country. I've had the opportunity to read the rationalizations -- conditions aren't that bad, for their own protection -- and the blatant racisim from national leaders of the time.

And then I examine my own thoughts and I'm no better than my ancestors. I see a culture I don't understand and I see some members of that culture attack mine, and I don't know how I'm supposed to tell the difference between potential attackers and law-abiding citizens. All of it looks foreign and foreign = suspicious. And suspicious = better safe than sorry. I'm scared of them, I'm scared of myself, and I'm scared for future generations.

And my own selfish, reprehensible, rascist inner turmoil is nothing compared to loss of life. But damn the terrorists for feeding my internal monster. Damn them for promoting fear for fear's sake. Damn them for promoting eternal reward as a justification for present pain. Damn them for using the powerless in their own power grab. And damn them to the deepest hell for every husband, wife, mother, father, sister, brother, and child who cries themselves to sleep as tears overflow the holes in their hearts.

Eat drink and be merry, for tomorrow you may very well be dead

That pretty much sums it up. We think this, then feel guilty for thinking it because we know it's wrong, then feel confusion because we don't have a better answer, so we're left with no answer at all rather than the really bad answer.

fyi...

Prudence led me down a different train of thought with her "inner monster" idea.

While not the reason we went into Iraq, the Iraq insurgency is, in fact, run by and fought by terrorists. The terrorists obviously do not understand the majority of citizens in the US or Great Britain.

The fact is, that until the speech by Bush a few days ago, support was waning among the American populace. I believe that Americans know who is fighting us in Iraq at present. I believe that attacks such as this are a reminder that terrorists are in it for the long haul. I believe 9/11 is a distant and fading memory to many Americans, and I believe that Americans wish to live at peace with everyone.

However, attacks like this and the Madrid bombing only serve to freshen in the minds the feelings of horror of what terrorist attacks are. It strengthens the resolve rather than weakening it. I do not think that Americans or Brits are prone to backing down.

What Prudence said.

I especially have problems with these issues because my family is Jewish. I was born in Israel - my parents lived there for years. You don't want to ask them what they think of Muslims and Islam.

I keep trying to tell myself "they're just people, just like us, and they're trying to protect their culture from invading cultures." We may not write "Death to Arabs" on our walls, but there's plenty of stuff in Christianity (our dominant religion) about persecuting others who don't follow Jesus.

But, but, but! Their religion IS their government! They have no fair trial system! Women's rights are non-existant! Their upper classes keep the lower classes uneducated and poor! They're animals compared to us!!!

And just like Prudence I hate myself for hating them.

I dig what € said about making the masses happier over there. The problem is, the only way to do this is to conquer them and "make them free"...which I obviously can't condone.....can I? My first instinct is that it simply won't work. But simply talking to their leaders isn't going to turn them into democracies. The idea of crushing those dictatorships and ruling classes is so appealing!

The Muslim nations aren't stupid. They are right. If they let American culture and American freedoms into their countries, they will no longer rule with an iron fist. We ARE the enemy, and they should fear us. Not because we're evil, but because we're good.

All I could think when I heard this happened was "How is this possible!". It's horrifying and devasting to hear so many people have lost their lives or were injured because of crazed people.

Is it? That is one way I suppose - I actually wonder if it is possible at all, can poverty ever be eliminated? whatever the long term solution, I'm sure it'll take generations to take, which I think adds to the whole overall squemishness.

But I still don't see terrorists blowing things up because they are poor. You mentioned earlier that you don't see sheiks strapping bombs to themselves, but you don't see a whole lot of homeless Americans doing it either. You don't see suicide bombings in poverty stricken central American nations or in the huge blighted areas of cities like Rio de Janeiro.

They blow things up because of ideology. Because of hatred. Because they want to limit everyone into their twisted view of Islam and the laws proscribed therein.

It is long term. All change is long term. I think Americans have it so good in a society of microwaves and fastpasses that the processes that take longer seem unfathomable. I am truly thankful that there is no Hitler around today - I don't know if we would have the patience or stomach to fight the war over time that it took to accomplish the job. I am glad America has already been founded, because the 11 year from our Declaration of Independence in 1776 to the passage of a Constitution in 1787 would be seen as an eternity and the attempts to start America would be called a failure.