Lounge of Tomorrow - Disneyphile's mom

Well, I got to watch my mom writhe in pain this evening, and then on the way out, my dad flat-out admitted to me that she wouldn't have wanted to take the treatment "this far", but he doesn't feel she should go yet.

My sister wants to terminate care, but my dad has "big plans" for her speculated 5% chance of partial recovery, and I'm caught in the middle, with both wanting my side.

Her main doc with nearly 30 years of experience has said it's late stage adenocarcinoma, but my father refuses to believe him until the final biopsy results are shown. And, even then, he says that it "doesn't mean anything", because he "researched it on the internet" and there are "alternative treatments in China". :rolleyes:

My mom's initial surgery to install the colostomy tore apart twice, hence the two additional emergency surgeries. Ever since then, she's been on a vent, colostomy, eliostomy, catheter, stomach siphon, and IV nutrition because her plumbing is pretty much gone. (But, my dad keeps saying, "She's getting better! Look! Her color is good!" and other such straw grasps.)

Right now, I'm trying to assure my dad that he won't be alone if he lets her go. (Which is quite the challenge, because my brother and sister are avoiding him, just because he won't take their side.) I'm also trying to be strong for my mom, because I don't want her to stress, so she can let go. She can hear us, but I don't know to what extent, because it's hard to tell when she's actually sleeping, since they're keeping her drugged out. And, it's bad enough that my sister and dad will argue with each other at her bedside.

At some point, I'll get space to deal with my own feelings on the issue, which probably won't happen until this whole mess is done and I can come back home. I don't really get any time to myself, because my dad's being very clingy, understandably so.

The only news I was ever given up to coming out here was my dad's own self-derived "sunshine and rainbows" reports. My sister told me that she wanted to call me last week, but my dad refused to give her my number, because he said, "Mom will be alright. You don't need to alarm your sister. Just leave her alone."

So, yeah. I'm pissed, sad, shocked, and just about everything else.

The docs are going to attempt to wake her up within the next 2 days to see if she'll state what she wants.

Meanwhile, I get to watch my lifelong best friend slowly turn from anything resembling a human being to Darth Mom, with tubes and machines coming out of places I didn't even know existed. I understand that my dad is afraid of being alone after 46 years, and he's feeling abandoned, but good grief.

And, I wish I could just talk to her and tell her how frustrated I am, since she's always been my sounding board for 34 years. And, I can't.