Opening sentence notwithstanding, I heard that the Dust Jacket comes with a warning sticker:

This is a Disneyland original Little Long-Playing Record, and I am your story reader. I am now going to begin to read the story of My Pet Goat. You can read along with me in your book. You will know it's time to turn the page when Tinker Bell rings her little bells like this! Let's begin now.

'It was 1972, while in service to this great nation of ours, that I first considered the possibility of reaching for the office of the Presidency. I was engaged in a recon mission in the backwoods of Alabama, and got lost. (The dude said the kegger was two klicks left of the old Smythe plantation- asshole was probably high). Wandering around the swampy, snake infested woods I began to panic, and in my despair I swore that I would give anything for just a drink, preferably Jack Daniels, with maybe little line of the white stuff to keep me sharp. Suddenly, the forest opened up, and I found myself standing at a crossroad. There in the center was Daddy's bud, Dick, holding a shotgun in one hand and some sort of document in the other.......

Well, I guess y'all know the rest.'

It was the call I dreaded making, the one where I conceded to Gore. We called it the setup. I wasn't sure I could keep a straight face.

"During I Arrived as President"

(George, you may be a lame duck, but boy you still gots the touch! - about 1:15 in)

VGM!

See George run. Run George, run!

When future historians look back down the anals, I believe, in my heart, they will find I have achieved more accomplisheds than I have not. For instance, Abraham Lincoln, in whose bedroom I have stood, freed the blacks from slavery. That's pretty historical, but get this, I made one president! The misunderestimations of me have not taken into account all the things that will happen just because I was the deciderer in chief. It's not just the things you do, but the things that get done because you did, and you can quote me on that. Let me tell you, being the president in history will be a lot easier than being the president in person, and it's something I'm forward-looking to it.

"It's not just the things you do, but the things that get done because you did." - GW Bush

VGn2M!:snap:

Thanks for the $50, sucker.

Karl will take it from here...