Dear fashion designers and buyers:

Cropped trousers? You have got to be kidding me. This is your big fall must-have? Suits with short pants? No, it does not look like glamour with an edge. It looks like your models are headed to a Little Lord Fauntleroy-themed party. Especially when you insist on pairing them with the ruffled shirt and cropped velvet jacket.

Knock it off.

No love.
Me.

Dear trac,

That's pretty much why we're vegetarians, too. Well, that and also Tom's brain thing.

Love,
LSPE

Dear Pru.

We have no right to complain because no one wants to see our legs anyways. Now, get with the program.

Love,

My tongue which happens to be in my cheek - or up someone's crack. You choose.

Dear City of East Palo Alto official department of sitting on your ass and not actually answering the phone to, you know, help people figure out what kind of permits or other bureaucratic waste of paper they might need before starting a major remodeling project that, in order to meet the drop-dead date of Thanksgiving, needs to start NOW, but who instead are, as noted previously in this rather long sentence, sitting on your fat entitled government paycheck asses most emphatically NOT providing any sort of service whatsoever other than enriching the owner of the McDonalds franchise next to the City office building,

Keep up the good work.

Yours in utter disgust,

Dear the Mid-West and East Coast.

You're welcome.

Love,

The West Coast

Dear Furniture Designer,

Love the chair with the washable slipcovers. But wouldn't it have been a bit easier to put the zipper on the long end of the fitted cushion not the short end?

Sincerely,
Chair Cushion Wrestling Champion

Dear GC-

You should watch Farscape- from start to finish. One of the best shows ever!

Love-
Scapers everywhere (including me!)

Dear person who does not know it is 2006-

Why did you put a Kerry/Edwards sign on your property in July 2006? Don't you know what year it is? Don't you know there is no Presidential election this year?

If he runs again- please put up your signs- but for goodness sake why now?

Sincerely-
Someone who knows when in time they are

Dear boss from hell,

In the future, when you delegate to me a task that was given to you to do, please don't tell me that there were no instructions, and then 2 days later forward me an email - with the instructions - that you received before you delegated the task to me. That would be really helpfull.

Thanks.

Dear Dart Board at Ye Old King's Head Bar in Santa Monica,

Someday, I will be the master of you. Someday!

Fondly,
Audra