Dear old man arguing with the checker in the grocery store,

The bananas were .79 cents a lb., and just because you were capable of throwing a hissy fit over the fact that you thought they were .59 a lb. doesn't give you the right to hold up the line for ten minutes, repeatedly insult the checker and and start dropping names that might have meant something to a checker 40 years ago. You got your way and the checker took all of .03 off your purchase of three bananas, but I take solace in knowing that the dozen Baby Ruths you bought were probably all melted by the time you finished your tirade.
Oh, and you smelled funny.

Signed,
The disgusted line of people who all agreed to shoot each other if they ever turned into a old bastard like you.

Dear God,

Yeah, its me again. Re: our conversation from the other day, I have to say I still dont get it. When you say all the bad stuff that happens is part of the "master plan"...by the way, I hate it when you do that little quote thing with your fingers...I must insist on you revealing the part of said plan where I cannot be rich, famous, loved by all mankind and not let it go to my head.

lates bud..
CJ

PS: Its the 'not let it go to my head' part, isnt it? :p

Oh dear

or

Dear deer

Dear co-workers. You are an amazing group of people. I have never felt so welcome. But really, when we say "Don't download LimeWire" please don't get annoyed when it takes me all day to fix your comptuer and I'm still not done.

--------

I pulled over 25 viruses off someones computer today, and found over 150 peices of spyware on it. All due to LimeWire. And I'm still not done.

Dear chin:

Why won't you grow hair? It makes for a less than desirable beard.

Sincerely,
My face

Dear Ears,

Please send your excess hair producing capability to Kevy's chin.

Sincerely,
The Tweezers

Dear Franco Sarto:

Please stop making cute shoes. There is no more room on my shoe rack!

Your fan,
Me.

Dear IT Department at BDT's Company,

I highly recommend implementing a responsible data backup policy for all of your employee-use computers. Or, minimally, make sure all business data is on network-access storage. These simple measures will ensure that the systems can be restored from virus/malware damage simply by reinstalling the system without affecting the data. This will also ensure that BTD does not kick you in your "shinies".

- A Friend in the Storage Area Networking business

Dear A Friend,

BTDs company has all desktop computers mapped to network-access storage drives to prevent issues like this one. Laptops are set to synch with the public drives when docked. What BTDs company needs is enforcement of the synch policy. And I think that may happen now.

But there may still be some kicking of the shinies.

Dear Ears,

I second that request.

Most very truly and sincerely,

A Concerned Hairdresser