Dear Dick on POTC ride the other night:

Thanks for taking Flash pictures of everything inside the building. I appreciate being repeatedly blinded by your state-of-the-art zenon beam of light. I know it's dark in there and you placing the flash setting at "Fvck'in - A blinding" might have been a tad too much.

I do however would like to offer you 37 pictures of you taking those flash pictures. Unfortunatly I don't have the Fvuk'in A Bright A$$ Zenon Beam of light on my camera, so they're a "little dark."

Sincerely,

My middle finger.

Dear toilet,

I just want to thank you for your lovely sense of timing. A stomach virus/flu/whatever just wouldn't be as much fun if you were functioning correctly. Since I have to actually open the tank and stick my hand in to manually flush you (due to a broken chain), I can't tell you how pleased I am that I get to play out this scenario every 20 minutes or so. Thanks so much for the memorable evening.

Dear Pre-processed Food Manufacturers.

Please stop disguising MSG as number 631, 630-635, Hydrolysed vegetable protein etc. etc. etc. and just put "Contains MSG" on your packaging.

Hateful regards,
The Guy Who Stayed Up Till 2:30am Last Night With A Jackhammering Heart And Then Had To Wake This Morning At 5:00am For Work.

Dear Motorboat Cruiser,

The folks over at the "Knitting and other creative endeavors" thread can provide you with directions for crocheting your very own toilet chain.

Dear MBC,

To preven further stomach problems, I would recommend you eliminate Spham from your diet.

A concerned LoT member

Dear person I was friendly with five years ago,

It's over. Just because I still have the same AIM name and haven't actually blocked you doesn't mean I really want to talk to you. Please stop IMing me once every six months.

(The addressee is not on LoT.)

Dear all the people who, when I was in my teens, told me I'd grow out of acne,

You're a lying sack of shït—I still get it.

SM

Edited to say:
Dear person I was friendly with since I got my AIM name, 10 years ago....
The same goes for you.
Yes, we spoke in HS, yes, we've spoken since.
No, we are not hard and fast friends.
Please, enough with the out of the blue IM's.

Dear everyone I ever ditched from previous messenger identities cuz you were too damn annoying to be continued as part of my life


neener neener :p
later
seeya
wouldnt wanna beeya

love and bullets
the artist formerly known as (any of about 3 dozen names)

:evil:

Dear cubicle neighbor cow-orker,

Pounding the Enter key on your keyboard is not going to make whatever is not happening start happening or happen any faster, and just makes you look like more of an idiot.