Dear cubicle neighbor co-worker,
But you dont understand, it makes me feel like the system will move faster. The "processing" on the screen merely means, if I press enter enough it will process faster.

Signed,
60% of Andrew, and Ponine's co-workers

Dear end users in the accounting department,

Why do you make me prove the same thing to you over and over?

When a program runs, there is no distinction between the contract numbers that come out on every page. If a calculation works for one contract, that calculation will work for all contracts. If I prove the same calculation to you on seven or eight contracts, why do you need me to prove the calculation again on a ninth? Is it not possible for you to verify the calculation if you are insecure about the number on the report? Are you too stupid? Are you too lazy? Is it both? Do you know how time consuming it is for me to comb through thousands of pages of raw data to show you that, once again, the numbers on your report are accurate?

Please rot in hell and die,
One incredibly irritated IT guy

Dear end users in scaeagles accounting department,

Please see enclosed check. Keep up the good work.

Sincerely,
MBC

Dear MBC,

I have enough people in my life making it more difficult. If you continue to pay people to irritate me, I'm cutting you off. As I re-read that, I like the double meaning and it is applicable.

Scaeagles

Dear Scaeagles,

Why does the latest contract calculation printout smell like ham?

Sincerely,

the end users in scaeagles accounting department

Do it and I'll take the ham with me.

And all the kings horses and all the kings men won't be able to put scaeagles' sphincter together again.

Dear iTunes on my computer that is on shuffle,
Why do you like the Black Eyed Peas so much? I do have other songs to choose from. Is it a conspiracy?
Signed,
iMe

Dear GC,

My iTunes does the same thing, only with U2's The Joshua Tree. At least it has good taste; it could be playing the "it's a small world" over and over.

Dear FOX,

Why is "House" on ALL the time? I realize it's summer and all, but don't you have anything else to put on as a filler before the show I want to watch?

The Joshua Tree is quite possibly the best album ever produced.