Dear October 20th, 2007,

Where the hell are you? Are we there yet?

Suffering,

Mark B. Age 9

Dear Mexican food,

Why do you make me want you when I have no money? I should be eating burgers right now, mac and cheese even. I can't be spending on fish tacos and lovely lovely beans every day for the next two weeks. Please leave me alone.

Me

Dear Whomever-Made-My-School-district-buy-this-system,
Look, when we had to do all this crap by hand, at least we had more control. Now, people have the ability to enter assignments wrong, and your system automatically PAyS THEM, not only does it pay them, it pays them what IT thinks they deserve.
Now, thank you very much, I have a $2,200 overpayment.

Signed,
Disgusted and hot in payroll

Dear Management:

Team building is great - but why is it always in the form of going to a ball game? I'll go because I know how much you bad-mouth those who choose to stay behind and label them as "not team players." but I'll be just as clueless as them as to what the hell is happening, who's at bat, or why it might have significance. I may even drink your beer - but afterwards, I'm heading to the park where I'll have a mint chip ice cream on a waffle cone - alone but much happier for it.

Dear Weather;

Thank you for cooling off, but you've gotta knock it off with the humidity. Thigh sweat on the chair is far from attractive.

Thanks in advance,

Erica

Dear Amazon,

Thanks for making me look like a bigger douche than I already am. Yes, I forgot to note that there was no CD. Yes, I'd love to have been able to email the buyer ASAP and offer to refund immediately. If the buyer wanted it still, I'd expedite it tomorrow as he/she originally asked and paid for. But no - your stupid system has me checking in on it after two hours, so it will show up with the customer info. So, I couldn't even send anything if I wanted to. No matter what, I'm screwed, as are all the other people who are affected by your bug.

I hope you're doing what you can to notify buyers of the problem. Oh, and I hope this doesn't affect MY textbook purchases from your website. Lame.

No thanks,

Erica

Dear Kevy Baby,

Thanks for nothin' (except that playboy bunny pic)

Cheers, Queers,
All the Bears.

Dear Me,

While I totally appreciate the work you've been doing, ridding David's old bathroom of all the black crud on the walls and ceiling, please make sure you ventilate the room properly the next time you spray that bleachy concoction.

Sincerly,
Your lungs and burning eyes.

Dear Abby,

Mind your own business, Buttinski.

Sincerely,
Surly in Cincinnatti

:D

Dear MG,

Oooo... I feel your pain! Once, while cleaning the shower, I mistook the bottle of bleach mildew remover for the bathroom cleaner. I nearly coughed up a lung.

Dear Your lungs and burning eyes,

It clearly says on the back of my bottle to use with plenty of ventilation. Also, to not use while in a cleaning rage while thinking of complete Aholes. But I guess you missed the fine print through the burning of the surrounding mucus membranes after you made the first squeeze of my pump. Sorry about that!

Your bottle of X19