Joke #1: It was a normal day in Metropolis, Superman was out flying around, when suddenly the unexpected. He flys past an open window, and sees Wonder Woman inside on her bed, buck naked with her legs spread wide open.

Superman, being faster than a speeding bullet, thinks to himself "Ya know, I could zip in there, have my way with her and zip out before she realizes what happened."

Sure enough, in through the window, bam bam bam, zip on out through the window.

Wonder Woman sits up and says, "what the hell was that?"
The invisable man responds, "I dunno, but my ass sure is sore."

Joke #2: A gal keeps falling asleep in church, and her husband is real embarassed about it. So he goes to the priest and asks him what to do. The priest says, "Next week, while I'm talking to the congregation, if she starts to fall asleep poke her in the leg with a needle. I'll make sure she doesn't make herself look stupid."
So the next week she starts falling asleep in church, and simultaneously the priest is on stage. He said, "Who taught us to love our neighbor?"
He pokes her and she screamed, "JESUS CHRIST!"
The priest nodded and said, "You are right, Jesus taught us that. And who is it that delivered us to the promise land?"
His pokes her once again and she yelped, "GOD!"
"Correct again", said the priest. "And what did Eve say to Adam after she bore her 99th child?"
He pokes her and finally she gets up and yells, "You stick that goddamed thing in me one more time I'll break it and shove it up your ass!"
"Amen", replied the congregation.

Why do elephants paint their toenails red?

To hide in cherry trees! Have you ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree?

Of course not; it works!
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Hickory Dickory Dock
Three Mice ran up a clock
The clock struck one
and the other two escaped with minor injuries.
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What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhinoceros?
Elephino.
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What's brown and sticky?

What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a lightbulb?

How do you get a unique rabbit?



How do you catch a tame rabbit?

What is a criminal lawyer?



What do you get when you cross a lawyer and a demon from hell?



What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of pond scum?



How many lawyer jokes are there?

What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

Did you know that Abraham Lincoln was Jewish?

And just for Wendybeth :)

Why don't blondes make chocolate chip cookies?

I found this one in my e-mail:

The neighborhood postman was retiring after 30 years. On his last day of delivering mail, all of the people on his route left him something in the mail box in honor of his retirement. Some left money, some left small gifts, and some met him at the door and invited him in for a drink.

As he was putting the mail in the mailbox of the last house, the door opened, and the woman of the house stood there in beautiful lingerie. She invited him inside and led him upstairs where she made mad passionate love to him. After their lovemaking she led him downstairs where she prepared an exquisite dinner for him. He found a dollar bill under his plate as he ate and asked her about it. She explained, "When I called my husband to ask him what we should give you for your retirement, he said, 'screw him, give him a dollar.' Dinner was my idea."

Lol!

Usually, I just wash them.;)