Notice to the common person:

Just because that person is on the first floor coming down, ask if you plan to leave the elevator. Commonly, I ride down, so I don't have to wait at long, staring at the call button. Don't assume that I will get out, or give funny looks. ;)

Notice to those lame parents who have children that walk all over them:

You suck. Stop negotiating with your kids and start demanding respect. As it stands now your children have zero respect for you. How weak is that? Do you take this shiit from co-workers, bosses, friends and family? No? Then why the fvck do you take it from your kids? Build your parent/child relationship on a foundation of mutual respect and you'll find that parenting can be pretty damn fun.

Notice to Eduardo-regional Asset Protection Dude:

When you walk into our office DO NOT SMILE! We are not happy to see you. You make us even more paranoid than we already are. When you wisk someone into a side room make sure that we can see who it is so we don't spend the rest of the month guessing. Try to get everything done in 1 day, because when you return the following day we freak out even more. When you do escort people from the office make sure the door code is changed, that way we know they are gone and not just suspended. An even better thing is to announce who it is and what they did (unless it is me).

Last week we lost a manager...we know he was fired for Code of Conduct, we just don't know what part of the code he broke.
Yesterday we lost a rep, supposedly he was nailed for Customer Abuse (but the people who sat around him said there was no way he did what we have heard).
Today another rep was walked out, not a flipping clue why.
We have 2 more managers who are being looked at for various things.

All I can say is my paranoia recently has been justified by the happenings of the last 2 weeks.

Notice to my postman at work:

If you have a certified letter for someone, could you please walk the extra 3 steps to see if they are in the building, rather than just leaving the little card telling us that we now have to drive to the post office to pick it up.

Didn't see this before. Telling people you're too busy to help them is LAME.

Notice to those that called my circ desk while I was on desk and were put on hold for far too long:

I'm sorry. We get very busy up front. Perhaps if we were alotted more people at the desk it wouldn't be a problem. And I'm sorry if you hung up because I forgot to get back to you. I'm an idiot. :blush: I really meant to remember, I really really did.

Yes, I know it's lame to say I was busy to help you, but seriously, we WERE. At least I don't tell the person on the phone that I'm too busy.

Notice(s) to:

The lady in the parking lot who has almost hit me 3 times (as of today) as I was walking in the parking lot. HANG UP YOUR PHONE AND DRIVE! Thank you. We have 3 elevators in our building, why you ask me to hold the one I'm in for you as you walk in the door after you almost run me over is beyond me. If you're in that much of a rush leave 5 minutes earlier. And dudette. Lay off the perfume.

My co-worker. I realize you have 1 week left, but please do some work so we're not totally screwed when you leave. 2 weeks notice is standard for future reference. And lose the attitude. Too bad you had to go disappear on your cell phone for 20 minutes, we got to go home early. Nanny nanny boo boo. And ya, the boss did notice you were MIA. :P :P

OK, I feel better.

Notice to the SUV driving, Starbucks swilling soccer mom who tried to ram me yet again this morning: If you are turning in an unmarked intersection, you WAIT until the car going straight through is actually through the intersection before turning. Also, use your turn indicator. I realise you've grown accustomed to our morning duel of death, but I am getting bored with it, and may one day actually forego using my brakes. What the hell, I need a new car.

Notice to the mental giants orchestrating the roadwork on Jeffrey Road: I suggest you plan ahead next time so as not to require digging up the same stretch of road 3 times in a row. Perhaps try doing all the work you need to do while you have the street open the first time.

And while I'm at it, perhaps you should reconsider your policy of posting completion dates on the roadwork. When the electronic sign changes from "end of June" to "through July" to "through August" to "through September" to "through October", perhaps it's time to just give up and change it to, "Yes, we're incompitent and you have suffered through 4 extra months of being pelted by gravel due to our incompitance."

OK, GD, I am REALLY sorry for picking on your spelling here, but of all words to spell wrong in this (very valid) rant: it incompetent.

Where in the heck do you work?!?