You will marry Salma Hayek.

After a wild honeymoon, you will settle down in On the road in your fabulous Apartment.


You will have 4 kid(s) together.


The family will zoom around in a Runway Light Blue Hovercraft.


You will spend your days as a Hedonist, and live happily ever after.

What the hell's an "Austin Martin"? ;)

My Facebook alternative MASH:

You live in a shack in beautiful Paris with your girlfriend Lisa Cone (I guess we get divorced again). Every morning you jet off to your job as a Teacher in your Smart Car.

You will marry Hugh Jackman.
After a wild honeymoon, you will settle down in New Zealand in your fabulous Apartment.
You will have 0 kid(s) together.
The family will zoom around in a Blue Classic Mustang.
You will spend your days as a Imagineer, and live happily ever after.

You will marry Sean Connery.

After a wild honeymoon, you will settle down in Crapchook in your fabulous Corrugated Tin Shack (with dingo-proof fence).

You will have 42 kid(s) together. (Stoat says: well that'll fund an upgrade for the shack if Sean doesn't mind remaining barefoot for that long).

The family will zoom around in a Fuschia Gogo-Mobile. (Low carbon footprint, but a large sidecar or trailer will be necessary...I've just got to remember "Trailer brakes first").

You will spend your days as a Chicken sexer (well how hard can it be - you've got a 50-50 chance of getting it right), and live happily ever after.

Fine. I hope that you and Sean are very happy together.




*head hung down and scuffles feet in the dirt*

Bear...Bear !!!

It took me 3 hours to rake the fornicating dirt [sic] into that Fen-Shui inspired pattern of rampant Axolotls with aztec embellishments. The least you could do is wash your feet before you enter the barn that I so generously provided for you.

...and don't slouch. Whatever will the neighbours think?

Love and hugs,

The Stoat XXX.