Dear payroll department,
You've had your extra day off for the holiday, WHERE'S MY FREAKIN' PAYCHECK!?!?!
I'm sure I'll be filling out some kind of descrepency form, since you can't seem to get anything right, despite 3 different checks for accuracy BEFORE the timekeeper info is sent to you.

Signed,
Nobody that really NEEDS to pay any bills...

Dear Matt,

Paying bills on time is over-rated.

Signed,

Paryoll.

Dear GD,

Feeling the iTunes pain with you!

Sincerely,

Rena

Dear payroll supervisor,
See how they treat us? THis is NOT uncommon.

signed,
Not intending to irritate CM, but an otherwise unhappy payroll tech.

Dear Seattle University Moot Court Board:

Bite me.

No love,
Pru

dear weekend

Im so sorry you werent able to stay longer. your visit was a welcomed relief from your cousin 'weekday's oh-too-long stay. I only wish we'd been able to accomplish more than we did.

I miss you. come again soon

CJ

Dear weekend,

Where the hell were you the last two days? I waited and waited, but you never came. But never fear, I managed to keep busy with work while I waited.

Missing you,

Morri

Dear stomach,

Piss off, tubby. That sandwich was plenty of food, I don't want to hear any grumbling from you. You can freaking wait until dinner.

Hungrily yours,
-Will Power

Dear Ponine,

Please come work for our payroll department. Free cookies and coffee (sorry, it's just Starbucks).

Signed,
CoasterMatt

Dear remote access using Senior Manager:

We just had a ton of layoffs because business is slow. A new laptop will be close to $3k. Your laptop is fine, it is user error. We know you want a new one, but by flat our refusing to do what we request to troubleshoot your issue so you can get one is not the way.

Signed,

Really freeking annoyed IT girl