When I was in elementary school I was climbing on some monkey bars and got angry at some boy and stomped on his hand really hard. He went to tattle on me and when the playground lady came to investigate I put on my sweet little girl face and expressed my sincere apologies for having slipped accidentally stepped on him while climbing and gosh, I tried to apologize but he just run away....

And of course, since I was such a GOOD little girl, she bought it and sympathized with me about boys and their tempers.

And that was when I first knew that I was a fantastic liar.

Sigh.

I think I was about 9 and my sister 14. My parents went away on a weekend cruise and left us home alone for the first time. And oh boy did we take advantage of it! We walked to the supermarket, walked right in...and bought some marshmallow cereal damnit!! Take that world!!


Man oh man were we lame.

LOL, the Secret Club. Ours was called Les Enfants de la Nuit (oh the pretension, even at 14:rolleyes: ), and I can't really remember what we got up to. Just trying to push the boundaries with teachers, spread the occassional rumour, that kind of stuff. Good times:)

El Pollo Loco….or Twilight Zone?
 

I was in line at El Pollo Loco the other day. Wait, to clarify, I was standing in front of the register and there was no one else in line with me. I was the line.

There were other people there waiting for their orders. And there were employees bustling about the kitchen, moving about the back where they have their offices, cooking in the kitchen, and one woman was making sure everyone got their orders.

No one was looking at me. Not any of the people standing next to me. Not a single employee. The seconds and minutes began rolling by. Some people seemed to see past me, or to see to the side of me.

I’ll preface the rest by saying that I am an agnostic, closer to an atheist than anything else. However, I’m open to suggestion, being proven wrong, or just one day waking up and feeling wrong. (Less likely, I’ll eventually succumb to my Jesus Boy Bus Crush’s attempts to convert his fellow commuters so that he might consider sticking his tongue down my throat.)

When I’d been standing for about 4 minutes, I was gripped with a sudden fear/realization that I might possibly be dead, and no one could see me. I wracked my brain to remember a close encounter with a car that I thought I’d narrowly missed. I felt the walkman in my hand. It felt solid. I felt solid. But I was glued to my position and too startled to actually scream, “CAN YOU PEOPLE SEE ME? PLEASE TELL ME YOU CAN SEE ME. HERE, SIR, TOUCH MY FACE. IS IT NOT FLESH? AM I NOT CORPOREAL? ATHEISTS CAN’T BE GHOSTS!”

The feeling lasted for about 5-10 seconds, but the panic was acute and very real. Sure, it was panic influenced by movies like The Sixth Sense and The Others, but it felt more real than fiction. I’m certain I wasn’t just putting myself on for my own deranged amusement. Then again....

For at least 10 seconds, I thought I was a ghost, a specter, a spook, a wraith, a thing of airy nothing without habitation or a name (to twist around Shakespeare's words).

And why is this a confession?

Because it’s embarrassing! I really thought I might have died because no one at El Pollo Loco was available to take my order and, by extension, was refusing to acknowledge my existence.

And when the woman behind the counter finally said, “May I take your order?” I first wanted to kiss her feet and then I wanted to become irate about her poor customer services skills. Why couldn’t she have just looked at me and said, “Be with you in a minute, flesh and bone alive person!”

Then I wouldn’t of had to experience a crisis of (lack of) faith or my own existence.

I confess that I'm apparently a crazy person.

I think you need to hire an existential detective

"You ask so many questions
What answers should I chose?
Is this schizoid paranoia
Or just existential blues?"

Oh, wait, I have an actual cofession that doesn't involve sugar...oh wait, crap it does involve sugar. But it also involves incredibly irresponsible juvenile behavior as well!

Halloween, I was about 14. I went with a friend to his friend's place to trick-or-treat. I was told that everyone would be dressing the same...in all black with hockey masks. Oh, and that if I could bring some sort of weapon, that'd be good. I have NO idea why I agreed that this was a good idea. And I have NO idea how I managed to get my dad's antique 3 foot machette out of the house undetected. But I did.

So I spent the night semi-terrorizing a neighborhood. As I remember, there was the machette, nunchucks, at least one sword, definitely a few large sticks, and a couple pelet guns. Fortunately, none of the weapons were ever used. We did, however, smash our share of pumpkins and intimidate a good number of kids and parents (how could 10 guys dressed in all black and hockey masks carrying various and sundry weapons not).

The cops were called on us that night. How do I know? Well, one of the people's brother happened to be in police acadamy, so he had a police scanner. So we knew they were looking for us, and we knew where and exactly what they were looking for. So when we heard "a group of 10 males, wearing all black and hockey masks", we simply split up, took off the masks, and changed shirts. Voila. At one point, we were actually chased down by a car that we were sure was a homeowner that saw us smashing their pumpkin. Turned out it was the guy with the police scanner screwing with us.

The night ended with us pissing off the entire neigborhood by setting off an M-80 in the middle of the street.

By far the most irresponsible thing I've ever done.

Oooh, we used to buy m80's at the reservation and blow up watermelons! Great fun.

So much mojo wanting to give -- and not allowed! Mojo to youse guys! :snap: :cheers:

I loved that movie. Saw it at the Arc Light during one of their boozer shows, so it funny and beerlicious. I really like David O' Russell films, but I was surprised by how much I crushed on that film. Lily Tomlin was divine hilarity.

Ah, I do need an existential detective, I think. LMAO, Chris.