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Dear MG:
I'm so sorry! RIP Thud. {hugs} Snowflake |
Dear Mommy,
Thank you for not letting me suffer any longer. I had a wonderful life and I loved you very much. Love, Thud Dear MG, /hugs |
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MG- **hugs** You did what you could. Sometimes it's time. |
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Then it happened about an hour after I went by that area. I got to work at 8:15. |
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(Oh, and Capt. Jack~ I could just free these boobs and my dress may follow. ;) ) Should I ever find myself dining at Applebee's again, and God willing I want to dine there now more then ever, I hope to find the place packed to its occupany limit with scads of naked love pillows as far as the eye can see or the vinyl booth can reach. I can't wait until I'm able to whip out my girls at a neighborhood eatery- it'll be like Christmas! Except with more appetizers. And tits. Why be discreet when you can serve up your teet? That's my motto. Of course, it won't go sight unseen when the totally uncool elderly "communists" at the next table begin hiding sheepishly behind their plastic menus and wriggling with discomfort as they anxiously await their Early Bird Specials. It's not fair- one dines at Applebee's to enjoy the whiskey-glazed ribs, NOT to be gawked at by a bunch of peter pan collared prudes who are doing everything in their narrow-minded power to trample on your constitutional right to expose your bits. Did you know that everytime you beg someone to put on a shirt and cover up their naked highbeams, it's completely akin to burning the American flag? In Britney we trust. Applebee's, with their team of obnoxious fabric-happy charlatans, is everything this country doesn't stand for. If the reward of freedom means dozens of naked nipples in a family resaurant that now must refer to themselves as the more accurately named Areola-bee's instead of Applebee's? Well then let freedom ring, because I, for one, am disgusted by their opressive dining standards, which often mimics the Middle East and their belief in strictly covering themselves from head to toe. It's the enforcement of wearing shirts (a.k.a."torso burkas") that the terrorists at Hanes have forcefully put upon us. If you told me that the Taliban operates the Loom, I would not be surprised. This sort of public outcry means that it can only get better for all of us. We can begin a boycott of pants at The Olive Garden (Applebee's has their hands too full with shirt issues). Indulgent pasta meals mean unforgiving waistbands and that's both cruel & unjust. Plus, think of all of the assorted naked hoo-hah's parading about! Everytime that I bend down to pick up my napkin, I'll be greeted by the stare of endless booth beavers, and if that's not the kind of class that you want served with your Zinfandel & Breadsticks, then I don't wanna know what the hell is. :D ;) :p |
Dear G-ma;
You know, I understand about the insurance. We talked about it earlier. Also, I can't state enough that I have no idea when it happened. I didn't hear it. I don't listen to my music all that loudly, so it's unlikely that I would have missed it. In any event, it happened. Yes, I know it looks like the rock must have been the size of a BB, I did actually bother to check it out myself. Oh, you would have chased the guy down? What does that have to do with anything - I don't know when it happened... It doesn't matter because it happened. I checked the estimated prices and I can afford a new window in a week and a half. Yes, the insurance again. Oh, my car is dirty? What the f*ck does that have to do with anything? For your information, I washed it last week and have been working and at school every other day since. And you know what, I'm leaving this conversation - your low blows aren't helping. Sincerely, Erica |
Dear Erica,
Not that it matters, but I hope it helps make you feel a little better - I seem to distinctly recall you having a small crack/chip in your windshield shortly after you bought it. I have no idea if you ever got it fixed, however, if you didn't, it probably spread and caused this. Sincerely, BTD. Dear grammar and punctuation nazis. Bite me. Much love and kisses, BTD |
BTD - No, this is an entirely new one. The other little guy's still sitting there, just as he ever was.
-Erica |
Dear Wells Fargo,
Imagine my shock at seeing my account was $79 in the red. Imagine how much more shocked I was to realize that $68 of that was your overdraft fees. Am I the only one who thinks it's ridiculous to owe $68 in fees for being $11 overdrawn? -An Unhappy Customer |
Dear Attorney Bossman and &^$*#%$&:
I am leaving, as you know, in an hour and half. Of course you want me to send out letters to 35 of your clients in advance of the firm letter advising the changes in annuity and maintenance fees. You knew the firm letters were going out this week, months ago. Of course you wait until the very last moment and expect me to get them done because you forgot about it. I am presently clearing the docket you never look at to make sure you a$$ does not end up in a sling over a missed due date. Dream on. Donna |
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