There were monthly teas held at the school. The principal would attend and give a short talk on some aspect of the school curriculum followed by an open discussion with the parents. At the time I had a very flexible schedule (it's good to be the boss) so I was one of the few dad's that attended the morning meetings.

Except that the entire grading system is ridiculous and not really an indication of what's been learned anyways. (But yeah, money for grades sort of undermines a natural desire to learn, I think. So do grades.)

Moonliner, that is exactly my point. The mentallity is that either kids are praised for nothing or they are praised only for specific things. What if we take praise out of the equation? What if we simply guide kids and allow their natural desire to learn and succeed take over, helping them when they need us (and no I don't consider praise and criticism help), backing off when they don't? What if we replace, "Good job studying for that test!" with, "What did you find most challenging? Are you happy with your results?" Our judgements need not enter into the conversation.

While we don't have a fixed pay scale, we do reward good grades. We tend to treat school like a job. It is their job to go to school just like mom and dad go off to work. Sometimes the job requires you to work late or miss some fun event, sometimes not. If you do a good job you get "paid". For the kids that's the everyday extras in life. Cable TV, Computers, PS2's etc... If you don't do your job you lose those extras (a pay cut). If you do extra work (overtime) you get a bonus. Perhaps a nice lobster dinner, or a new Ferrari.

Except that young kids (pre-teen and younger) crave the praise. Withholding that in favor of responses like "What did you find most challenging" equates in their mind to rejection. I still argue praise for effort. At age two a scribbled crayon mess is cause for praise, age four not so much.

What if they do not have a natual desire to learn and succeed?

There is not one formula for every kids- no "one size fits all" course of action.

I thought this was about the war on Christmas.

No, at least not for me. This was never about Christmas exactly. It was about people overreacting to other people. I think Alex summed it up nicely, it's about people getting offended on behalf of other people. The examples I gave were taken from current headlines and given the time of year 2/3 happened to have a holiday bent.

Of course thread have a life of their own so they go where they will, but I can state that the original post was not about "The war on Christmas"

I was paid for grades. But, as mentioned before, it wasn't "get good grades for a reward", it was more like a salary. "You want money? Earn it." Same went for allowance. I didn't just get an allowance, I got an allowance if I mowed the lawn and took out the trash.

And praising kids is about more than just encouraging good behavior through praise. It's about instilling a sense of empathy, letting them know that other people actually care about their success. Like Moonliner, I'm not advocating a, "You lost, what a loser!" attitude. It's about effort. I'm just against the "You're a winner no matter what!" mantra.

Challenging them, asking the questions that make them think about what they've learned is also important, but the two aren't mutually exclusive. There was plenty of both in my house.

All I know about grades is - my parents didn't pay attention to my schooling, didn't push me when I slacked off, and didn't notice when I didn't give them report cards. I plan on doing the opposite with my kids. I hope GD has some good ideas on methodology.

Speaking of hypersensitivity...


Issue:

One parent's response:

Lord's tears? Religious persecution?