LSPoorEeyorick |
03-02-2007 11:04 PM |
I'm feeling kind of sad, tonight. And lonely. Mostly in regards to the wedding.
I put a toe back into the water of the online wedding communities this week, because I had finished my favors and I didn't feel like there was anybody I could talk to about it. But sharing these things with people I don't know-- particularly when they're all talking about frolicking about planning with their friends and family-- just isn't helping me. Because *my* mom is too sick to even talk about the planning, and her absence makes the joy of all of this ache, in small part. My attendants are 2000 miles away and thanks to the time difference, by the time I get home from work-- after 8 anymore, these days-- they're all already in bed. The people directly around me actually change the subject when I talk about the wedding-- and I don't feel like I do it to an extent that it's rude. I try to bring it up sparingly.
But you know what? I want to talk about it, goddamnit. This is the biggest celebration of my life-- surrounding the happiest event of my life. And although there'll be missing puzzle pieces (Mom, for likely most of the day, and all of you) I'm really excited about it, and about the marriage. I just want someone who wants to look at my shoes, or give me opinions about my invitations. Who'll go out for tea with me when Tom's brothers take him to Vegas in May. And aside from my sweet groom, whom I'm trying not to overwhelm, I feel kind of alone.
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